Spivak and Malyss drove through the Colorado mountains to visit Jaybird and
 Maribou. Spivak was still unemployed and his parents money was running out
 faster than rats leaving a sinking ship and Jaybird had promised Spivak a
 cushy job being a caretaker at a seasonal hotel in the higher mountains.
 Spivak couldn't turn it down because he would have peace and quiet to write
 his daily musings column for the local paper. Malyss was happy because it
 meant that Spivak would prove that he overcame his addiction to being online.
The Highpoint Hotel loomed over the horizon as their broken down Caprice was
 pushed uphill by Jaybird's Saturn. The hotel manager Graydruid was outside
 waiting to welcome them.
Malyss cringed. A vision of a hedge maze in winter. Blood.
Graydruid showed them around the regal estate, showing them where they could
 find the food (secretly wondering if there was enough to last these two
 fatsos for the winter, at least Brack turned the job down because he didn't
 have any long pants to wear during the arctic winters of Colorado). Maribou
 skipped alongside the two walruses and gazed up into Malyss' eyes and thought
 "Black really isn't that slimming."
Malyss stopped in her tracks, "What'd you say?"
Maribou said, "I didn't say a thing."
Spivak and Graydruid stopped down the hall and hollered to the two, Malyss
 informed them that Maribou poked fun at her weight. Neither had heard a thing.
Maribou grabbed Malyss' hand and drug her off into the kitchen.
"You stand out among others" Maribou chirped.
"Right, because I'm so fat." Malyss sighed. Malyss realized that she didn't
 hear Maribou in the normal way.
Maribou smiled, "You have what my grandmother had, your mind shines out over
 all others."
Malyss was afraid. Malyss wondered why this bald, skinny woman knew her
 deepest secret next to the fact that she used to be a man.
Maribou leaned in and whispered into her cupped hand and Malyss' ear. "You've
 got /The_Shining/. I can tell. I want you to be my friend even though you are
 fat."
Spivak and Graydruid wandered around the upper floors.
"Are you certain that there is no internet access up here?" Spivak asked
 Graydruid.
"Nope, we turned it off last week because we were closing for the season."
 said Graydruid.
"Good." Spivak left it at that. His attention was drawn to room 3883 for a
 brief moment.
Graydruid stopped. "We don't use that room anymore. It was sealed off after
 'an incident' with our guests back in 1993."
Spivak said, "Oh."
Graydruid went on and on about the general upkeep over the winter months.
 Turning over the mattresses once a week. Dusting every other room every other
 day. Keeping the heat off. By the time Graydruid had finished, they were back
 in the main entranceway and he bid Spivak farewell.
Malyss and Maribou skipped into the room. Jaybird stood in a corner and stared
 crossly at the two women. "Maribou never skips with me like that."
Jaybird stalked over. Maribou and Malyss looked at each other with knowing
 looks and giggled.
Jaybird said, "I guess both of you know what you have to do. Don't hesitate to
 call us if you need anything, like people to hang around and play Playstation
 with or discuss philosophy or get a blowjob."
Spivak and Malyss nodded and waved to their new friends.
It was going to be a long winter.

December
Drifts as high as the third floor butted up against the building. The days
 were long and dark but the food was still plentiful despite the fact you
 could tell where there was a large pile of Manwich cans because the revealed
 paint was much lighter than the paint around it.
Malyss wandered the hallways of the Highpoint Hotel for the fifty fifth time.
 She cried "paladin" in her head when she realized how many times she had
 walked down this corridor. The corridor was already drooping in the middle
 from her walking over it so much.
Spivak lazed in the heated comfort of the library, books and empty two liter
 bottles of Coke piled around him. He stared at the blank page in his
 typewriter. He was stumped.
"How can I write if I have no one to hate or no one to hate me?" Spivak
 mumbled to himself. The mumble seemed much louder to him because of the
 silence and the vaulted ceilings. "I think I'll go get linner."
Spivak invented linner as the seventh important meal of the day after
 breakfast, brunch, lunch, linner, dinner, dipper and supper. Spivak couldn't
 hold down a job because he was always coming in late but he was never late
 for any of his meals.
As he waddled down to the kitchen's store room, he heard a familiar hum in the
 bar.
He looked into the doorway and saw the familiar aquarium glow of a monitor. He
 stepped in and took a closer look. There was a phone cord and the phone cord
 was connected to the computer and the wall. He opened the internet explorer
 and realized he was online.
"Sir, you do not have to worry about your wife finding out about this." said a
 voice from the shadows.
Spivak looked around quickly then sat down because he was winded. "Who said
 that?" He said.
Mutantnemesis walked out of the shadows. "I said that."
Spivak squinted. "I know you. You're that guy in that picture over on the wall
 in the foyer."
Mutantnemesis nodded. "Yes, I am. I am also the man who murdered Falc in room
 3883."
Spivak oohed. Spivak asked, "What are you doing here?"
"I am here to help you. We have a lot in common." Mutantnemesis said.
As Malyss rounded the corner on the third floor, she saw two people standing
 in the hallway.
V.Dentata and Etoile stared at her and droned, "Come play with us."
Malyss blinked. V.Dentata and Etoile lay butchered at her feet, their eyes
 staring right at her and grim smiles on their faces from where the razors cut
 their cheeks.
Malyss screamed so loud she did not hear the ding of the elevator door at the
 end of the hall where blood started flooding down the hallway. "The warm
 blood covered her and lifted her bulk down the hallway.
Seconds later, she found herself lying against a door. No blood. No corpses.
 No nothing. She was alone, leaning against the door of room 3883.
Spivak typed away madly at the computer while Mutantnemesis looked over his
 shoulder. "You know they hate you. I know they hated me and that's why I had
 to kill them."
Spivak looked up at the apparition. "Kill who? Falc?"
Mutantnemesis shook his head. He said, "Back in 1993 this was the site of the
 very first Lambda New Year's Eve bash. I went there with Falc and when I
 discovered that she had sex with Gilmore I flew into a rage and hacked her to
 bits."
"Wow." said Spivak. Spivak went back to MOOing and posting things about Brack
 on *anonymous while Mutantnemesis droned on and on.
Spivak heard Malyss' heavy footsteps in the hallway and he pushed the computer
 under the bar and watched Mutantnemesis wander into the men's room and vanish.
Malyss fell to her knees, "We have to get out of here."
"Why?" asked Spivak.
Malyss sputtered and tried to describe what she saw but she was too scared.
 Spivak waited until she caught her breath and led her to bed. From that point
 onward, Malyss was never any more than twenty feet away from Spivak.

February
Spivak was going crazy. Malyss was always at his side and he never had a
 chance to go online to talk with his friend. Only when Malyss went to sleep
 did he sneak downstairs to the bar to go on Lambda and that was never long
 enough to get his internet fix.
Mutantnemesis handed Spivak a fresh two liter of Coke. "You know why Malyss is
 always around you. She doesn't trust you. She knows about the computer but
 she's waiting for you to say something. She knows you're weak. The very fact
 that you're so very fat just proves the point. If you can't be strong about
 what you eat, how can you be strong about being online?"
Spivak's blood went cold. Malyss knows, he thought.
"She doesn't trust you. She hates you. You know what you have to do."
 Mutantnemesis smiled at Spivak.
"Um, no. I don't know what that means." said Spivak.
Mutantnemesis made a chopping motion. Spivak giggled. "You want to watch me
 masturbate?" Spivak started unbuckling his jeans.
Mutantnemesis said, "No! You have to kill her. Then you have to eat her. Trust
 me on this."
Spivak thought for a minute. "You sure?"
Mutantnemesis nodded, "Very sure."
Spivak thought some more, "The food stores have been getting low. According to
 Graydruid, our supplies should be like this by late March not early February."
"OK." said Spivak. Spivak got up, caught his breath then went looking for an
 axe.
Malyss woke up in the darkened room, the familiar slant to the mattress wasn't
 there so she knew that she was alone. She wandered around cautiously and
 peeked around every corner seeking her Spivak.
Far down the corridor she could hear echoes of mumbling and she started
 walking in that direction only to meet up with Spivak leaping out of a side
 hallway wielding an axe. He landed squarely on a throw rug which slipped on
 the polished marble floors sending him crashing down on the floor knocking
 him unconscious.
Malyss was filled with dread. Malyss backed away from her unconscious lover.
Maribou sat up in bed covered in a cold sweat.
Maribou could feel that Malyss was in trouble. When Maribou and Jaybird left
 Spivak and Malyss up at the Highpoint Hotel that day in October she had a
 sinking feeling in her stomach that something was wrong. Deadly wrong.
She got up and grabbed her overcoat, boots, gloves and tire chains when
 suddenly she saw an image of Spivak wielding an axe leaping from the shadows
 in her mind. She leaned over Jaybird's sleeping form. "Honey, I think you
 should go up to the Highpoint Hotel and find out what is going on up there. I
 have a strange feeling."
Jaybird growled in his sleep, "You always have a strange feeling after you eat
 Chinese food. Shut up and go to sleep already."
Maribou reached down and rubbed her husband's cock. "Pleeeeaaaaassssse? I
 promise that I'll suck you off."
Jaybird opened his eyes wide, "Really? Honest and truly this time?"
Maribou nodded.
Jaybird leapt out of the bed, got ready and started the long drive up to the
 hotel.

Spivak woke up in the freezer. Again. This time it wasn't because he was
 stuffing his face and the door swung shut on him like in November.
He saw Mutantnemesis standing over him holding an axe in his hands.
"You know, you're pathetic. Maybe they do have a reason to hate you. If you
 were cool, Malyss would already be dead by now." said Mutantnemesis.
Spivak cried and cried.
Mutantnemesis sighed. He was never going to get to see anyone killed this way.
 Mutantnemesis hugged Spivak in a ghostly embrace and kissed him on the
 forehead. "I am sorry that I was short with you, Spivak. I think you are cool
 and that is what should matter. Look, I even opened up the freezer for you so
 you can get to work."
Spivak sat back down and threw the axe across the room. "I don't want to work!"
Mutantnemesis sighed. "It's not work-work. This is fun-work!"
Spivak looked at Mutantnemesis and asked, "Really?"
Mutantnemesis nodded to Spivak, "Really. I should know, I did it myself seven
 years ago."
"That makes sense." said Spivak. Spivak pulled the axe out of the wall and
 started stalking down the darkened corridors.
Malyss hid in the library among the piles of books, empty soda bottles and
 dirty laundry. She waddled over to the typewriter to see what Spivak had
 written in hopes of being enlightened to his current madness. She found reams
 upon reams of "All work and no LambdaMOO makes Spivak go crazy." over and
 over and over again. The typing was in strange patterns like triangles and
 patterns like crossword puzzles. A shadow fell behind her and she turned
 around to find Spivak.
Spivak swung the axe wildly and it crashed down onto the TV. He screamed in
 agony.
"Look what you made me do! It's bad enough I can't get onto LambdaMOO but now
 I can't watch any TV!" cried Spivak. Malyss backed away and grabbed a Greek
 urn. She giggled to herself when she saw it was a Greek urn and she whispered
 "minimum wage". Spivak lumbered forward, tears streaming down his cheeks. He
 swung the axe only to get it caught in the curtains which fell down on top of
 him making him into a red velvet ghost. Malyss bonked him on the head with
 the Greek urn. Spivak said "oif".
Minutes later, Malyss was hiding in one of the rooms hoping that she was safe
 from the rampaging Spivak. She was annoyed that she forgot to charge her cell
 phone and she couldn't call the park rangers or Jaybird or Maribou.
Spivak lumbered bruised and beaten down the hallways muttering, "Come out,
 come out where ever you are." He spied that one of the doors was ajar from
 the light shining out from the crack. The room was room 3883.
Lounging in a tub was Falc. Her large, Jewish breasts floating in the water.
 Unfortunately the rest of her was by the sink and on the toilet. Her legs got
 off the toilet and allowed the torso to replace itself on her generous
 feminine hips. Spivak blinked. In his mind's eye, he saw Falc as he
 remembered her when he was looking at the moogallery and he got a stiffy
 because unlike her moogallery picture she was naked. Spivak started having
 sex with her but he didn't know that he was having sex with a dismembered
 corpse and was getting covered in black rotted blood and he thought the black
 rotted blood were Falc's pussy juices running down his beard.
Hours later, he woke up after his three minutes of ecstasy wanting a sandwich.
 As he was leaving room 3883, he bumped into Mutantnemesis' ghost.
"Have fun? I thought you were supposed to be killing Malyss who is currently
 hiding in room 420." growled Mutantnemesis.
Spivak looked guiltily down at his scum-covered tennis shoes.
Mutantnemesis yelled at Spivak. "Don't just stand there feeling sorry for
 yourself! Go kill her already!" Mutantnemesis clapped Spivak on the back and
 Spivak shuffled out into the hallway.

Jaybird clutched his jacket around his frail body as he trundled through the
 hip-deep snow. All he had was a maglite and a cellphone. He cursed his wife's
 name because this was the second time that she sent him out to do some stupid
 thing. The first time she did that was when she asked Jaybird to go buy her
 some rhinoceros testicles and by the time he came home he found her sucking
 off Bastian.
Jaybird just knew that Maribou was sucking off someone else. Maybe that black
 guy from the office. She always said how she wanted to have big black dick in
 her pussy and shoved down her throat. The anger warmed Jaybird as he kicked
 down the door.
Spivak hacked away at the door to room 420 and shoved his fat face through the
 door.
"LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLETS GET READY TO RUMBLE!" he shouted into the room.
 Malyss screamed and ran into the bathroom. She cursed when she discovered the
 window leading out of the bathroom wasn't big enough for her. At least Spivak
 was fatter than she was and that would give her time because he'd have to sit
 down to catch his breath soon.
Jaybird's ears perked up when he heard the familiar shout and he called out to
 Spivak. "This may not be so bad after all. I can watch wrestling with Spivak
 like Spivak's watching wrestling right now and we can have manly bonding!
 Wow, this is really cool!" and he ran upstairs.
Spivak was winded again and sat down. Mutantnemesis' voice entered his head.
"We have a problem, Spivak." paged Mutantnemesis.
"What do you mean?" asked Spivak out loud, not understanding that one doesn't
 have to talk in telepathic contact.
"The philosophical cuckold is here. He's going to spoil everything. You have
 to kill him." paged Mutantnemesis. Mutantnemesis noted that didn't have any
 effect on Spivak. "He's going to ruin all your fun and he thinks you're
 bi-curious and a poofta and he wants to have sex with you."
Spivak growled, grabbed the axe and ran off down the hallway bumping his
 shoulders into the walls because he was so fat and tired. At the bottom of
 the stairs he saw Jaybird's silhouette and the sparkle of his eye glasses.
"Spivak!" yelled Jaybird. Spivak's ankle twisted and he fell head over heels
 down the stairway, the axe flew from his hands and landed squarely between
 Jaybird's eyes. Jaybird fell on the spot in a pool of hot blood. Spivak's fat
 body rolled down the stairs and crushed what was left of Jaybird.
Malyss used the diversion to sneak out the exit and get to the Caprice which
 was unused for a bunch of months. It wouldn't turn over when she put the key
 inside the ignition when she remembered that there was an extra car battery
 saved in the center of the hedge maze. She glanced in the rear view mirror
 and thought she saw someone familiar. Someone like Mutantnemesis. She looked
 again and it was gone. Her blood went as cold as the winter around her.

Spivak kicked open the front door and stalked outside, guided by his ghostly
 guide. The axe dragged through the snow leaving a thick red line behind him
 and his footprints. It was blood. Malyss saw that Spivak was approaching and
 started running for the hedge maze. It was like watching two mammoths racing
 each other.
Malyss ran and ran through the hedge maze until her muscles burned but she
 kept on running because she knew her life depended on it.
Spivak howled like the north wind, hacking his way through the maze and
 cheating rather than following the maze properly. Malyss had gotten to the
 center before him and was walking backwards in her footsteps to get back out
 and away from Spivak. She knew Spivak was stupid and she hoped that his
 stupidity knew no depths and would fall for this trick.
Spivak collapsed and Malyss stepped over his bulk while going back to the car.
 When she got to the car she could see his hot breath steam rising up from
 where he had fallen down. She dropped the battery in the snow and slapped
 herself in the head trying not to cry out "I could've had a V8" when she
 discovered the brand new 2000 Saturn idling out beside the garage with snow
 chains and heat and everything.
She hopped into it, hearing the shocks groan, and drove off into the dark
 winter night.
The next morning the police arrived at the vacant Highpoint Hotel and found no
 body. Just a large, fat, bloody snow angel in the hedge maze. Inside they
 found the remains of Jaybird and sent a deputy to inform the widow who ended
 up sucking off the deputy after learning she was free and didn't need a messy
 divorce and this meant she didn't have to get shipped back to Canada.
Malyss sat with a glazed look on her face wondering what went wrong. She
 looked up at the wall and noticed a photograph. It was a photograph of a
 happier time in the life of the Highpoint Hotel. There in the photograph were
 Mutantnemesis and Spivak toasting each other in the middle of a group photo
 of the very first LambdaMOO New Year's Eve bash.
Malyss screamed.

I only regret the fact that I used Jaybird to fill Halloran's role instead of using Quad or HFh or Spam(r) to use the line of "We have a problem. The nigger chef." Okay, I paraphrase but I'm happy with the piece as it stands. I never could finish writing The Stand knockoff because it ran out of steam. I wrote this puppy under two hours and I didn't have to reference any materials to jar my memory.

Mauve_Guest did have a neat suggestion which I'll cite here:

Message 575 on *Guests (#95785):
Date:     Mon Oct 30 23:32:50 2000 PST
From:     Mauve_Guest (#81176)
To:       *Guests (#95785) 

Malyss should have screamed, "NooOooOoOOooO!!!!!"
--------------------------

And Mauve_Guest got the paladin too.