|
I'm definitely feeling better today than I was last night when I wrote the diary entry which is on the other page. I was surprised that I made a seperate page for that tarot reading and linked them all with anchors. When I saw what I had wrought, I realized that doing web stuff helps calm me down and put things under control. That's a fuck of a lot better than crying and whining, just do something else that can be controlled since one can not effectively control people no matter how hard one tries or wants to have that kind of manipulative power over a different human being. Therapy was a bit irritating since I spent most of the session telling my therapist how to use a search engine effectively, showing her my website (she just looked at it, she didn't read the content. it proved that folks will only check out a site if they're interested in the content that's presented in a pretty way rather than just presenting content in an unpretty way.) and I talked a little about how I had a bad night on Sunday night, how it was all in my head and how writing up html seems to put me at ease. Okay, I have to kick diary_spivak to get him to turn down that antique show because it's too fucking loud. Aw, I made him cry. So anyway, I felt annoyed at the end of the night that I paid her because it was mostly me helping her with computer stuff than giving me time to vomit out what stuff is bothering me (i seem to have a problem dealing with work the same way i used to have problems dealing with women) and get kinda straight in the head. I should've asked that we could've called the night even and I would've had an extra forty in my pocket. |
hhsb sent me an interesting article from salon.com about real-life vampires. Poor Me's are easiest to spot because they wear their neediness like signature accessories. They appear diminished somehow, with a droopy posture, perhaps, or a concave aura. They wallow in their belief that life has beaten them up. They may not look like predators, but be aware: They hypnotize you with their helplessness and trap you into staging guilt-motivated rescue attempts. But these efforts are futile; no amount of sympathy or gesture of compassion can, in the end, alleviate the pain with which they identify so deeply. They may be attentive as you outline sources of support and avenues for change, but they will not pursue your suggestions. It is your energy that props them up, not the prospect of change. She also amused me by calling me Haakon. I hope she was being silly rather than being like Jaybird who refuses to remember my name. That's alright, I'll just call him by his full name when I speak with him next on the telephone. At least that sweet, wonderful maribou remembers. maribou has a better set of cans too. I haven't guested nor logged onto Lambda but I did briefly go onto Strangebrew and YibMOO only to get bored and screw around with Flash. Just bored. Trying to see if I can quit online people cold turkey. Finding new stuff for me to do in real life but it's not enough and finding a way to fill that void is a bit rough for me. |