dramatis personae

spivak - An editor and founder of a vanity website.
Lilah - A feline of the feral persuasion who makes mischief for the former two.

Very Important Person

Beloved and Missed

Spot - A beautiful and personable domestic shorthair with distinctive moo-cow markings. She was my daughter, my friend and soulmate. I will always miss her.

Very Important Cats (ALPHABETICAL)

Kira - She's a sausage who is younger than Frau Lilah with an inclination to enter closets at the wrong time and hang out in the shower.
Merry - The crankiest cat this side of Crankyville, Crankysota and queen of the roost.

Friends (PRESENTED IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER TO AVOID DRAMA)

elmgrows - A friend and treasured confidant.
Fish - An atheist friend and band mate on Jaybird's Xbox.
halfempty - Friend of Jaybird and game master.
Jaybird - A dear friend and neighbor who is a multiclassed philosopher and network engineer. Uses d8 hit dice. A true bro.
Kinja - A former lover.
maribou - A friend, former neighbor, current librarian and expat Canadian who keeps Jaybird in line.

Family

Dad - A father and gentleman.
Mom - A touchy subject.
Woo - A married sister.
Mr. Woo - A brother-in-law.
Rocco - A long haired cat of uncertain sexual inclination.
Giuseppe - A small lap dog who enjoys waking guests with incessant and unnecessary barking and raping Rocco.

Acquaintances (IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER)

Brian - Really not that pleased with this person right now. Enjoy your shut-in girlfriend, faggot.
Devo - Old flame. I swear I'm over her. I fap maybe once a month at the very most.
Ms. Lane - Assistant department manager of the processing department of Usury, Inc. A passive-aggressive bitch who represents everything negative I associate with women.
Makonan - A shrew who is decidedly not of the soricidae family. Good riddance.
Malyss - My first real girlfriend.
raddidge - Someone that I don't particularly like anymore.
Rebeka - An old friend and expatriate. She's insane in a bad way. Also hypersexual.
Siggy - A well-wisher and friend who successfully escaped Colorado Springs... for Denver??? lolwut
Sourpuss - Processing department manager of Usury, Inc.. Not the sharpest knife in the deck. Reminds me of Tom Parsons from Orwell's novel Nineteen Eighty Four.
Wrestling Manager - A former manager of the processing department of Usury, Inc., fan of wrestling who hails from the south seas. Only real human person I know from Usury, Inc..

Places and Things

Acacia Park - You will never find a more wretched hive of runaways and potheads. You must be cautious.
Bike - The editor in chief's preferred mode of transport.
Catada - Formerly the Birdhouse or Aviary, home of Jaybird and maribou.
The Compound - A private camping area somewhere in Colorado.
The Enclave - A secluded and genteel blue collar community at the Jersey Shore which is the current, and hopefully, long-term home of heptapod.org.
Elderly Laptop - A Dell Inspiron 4000 with 512M of RAM, 40 gig HD and running Win2k which is the primary tool for publishing heptapod.org.
heptapod.org's downtown offices - Former residence of the site staff and long-time office in beautiful Colorado Springs, Colorado.
heptapod.org's New York City bureau - Residence and current location of the eponymous site.
The Homestead - raddidge's residence.
King's Chef - A place made of delicious and awesome. Not so awesome since Sue quit there.
Lovesac - A former six foot wide amorphous piece of furniture.
Popular Periodicals - Pretty much the same job I had at Prominent Publications with a different corporate culture.
Prominent Publications, LLC. - The company which owns a franchise in Colorado Springs. Best job I've had so far in my life. I miss it in my own special way.
The Tank - My nickname for the homestead of the Fish clan.
Usury, Inc. - Former place of employment for heptapod.org's editor in chief.

Any requests for clarification or additions should be directed to the staff PDQ!