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I went to this site for a tarot reading on Sunday night (early Monday morning) to see if it would help me from being restless. I'm restless because I'm getting sick of myself being a drama queen in my head, I'm going through these strange manic depressive cycles with work when I create something that actually works but the victory is overshadowed by a minor fault. That's definitely something that I've always had going against me in my work experience and I reckon desktop publishing or any kind of publishing are probably not my cup of tea. Why do I persist? It's a field where I am skilled and competent. I think it's also some sado-masochistic thing. Do good work. Fuck up once. Reprimand. Good work. Being told to do filing and run errands rather than actual work that I was hired to do. Fired. The errors are always my downfall. The smaller, the more devastating. I just can't understand that at all. Anyway, the thing that's bugging me right now is the fact that I spent most of Sunday trying to learn Flash to no avail. I seem to have the basics down. Create a symbol called button, do the up/ down/ on/ hit frames which are keyframes and somehow magically they're supposed to become a button. I've just worked on the visual, I haven't even tried the whole making them into links bit. Maybe Monday will bring better things. I'm sure this is all surreal to you, gentle reader, because I'm talking about yesterday in the present tense (and I have changed my tenses as well). At least I have the basics of movement down to the point where I don't need to look at the tutorial. |
I did the online tarot reading because I haven't been in touch with someone and that was making me restless. That was part of my drama, my restlessness stems from work. Together they fuck up my brain. It's a celtic cross read and I chose the Page of Swords even though I'm not that young anymore but it was the closest that I read to having a negative spin or being close to describing me as a toxic, smothering, insecure person. This site isn't as good as the one site I used in an earlier diary entry but it was the only link I had. This one just says the name of the card, the stock description and what its placement (8th card or 10th card or whatever) represents. Here's a list of the cards. --0. Page of Swords (me)
My take on this is I judge folks by unreasonable standards (which I hold myself to), everyone thinks that I'm getting what I deserve (in a good way, that my time has come) and it all ends with me ending up in the same position I feel right now which is bewilderment and immobility. Now are you going to check out what that insensitve regular spivak wrote for his diary because he likes to make other folks think he has it more together than me. How fucking immature of him. I'm going to watch Antiques Roadshow! |