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December 2001 I completely fucked up when I was quoting Cerebus previously. The quote is from Mothers & Daughters with Suentus Po talking with Cerebus about the Judge on the moon.: In a way, I'm quite surprised that you would take him [the Judge] at his word, considering that he isn't Tarim and that the moon hardly qualifies, even among the most liberal-minded, as Vanaheim. In another way, I'm not surprised at all; you're the sort of fellow who would believe a street-corner horoscope before he would believe his own heart. I got this idea from my friend Briana who told me that she keeps a separate journal for each person she knows with remarks on them, for better or worse. I thought it was a bit weird but it was surprisingly original so I decided to do at least a paragraph on the people I interacted with during a day for the month of Decemeber, even if I just hear about them secondhand. No more than five sentences which I learned back in grammar school were the bare minimum for a paragraph. Depending on my day, I might stray from the format but I shall make an effort to stick to this setup. Anyway I'm going out to get drunk for the sake of getting drunk tonight because maybe that will get my thoughts and shit together about what I want in my life and see if certain feelings carry over to a state of inebriation. I don't think he really likes watching wrestling because he's always on the computer rather than watching the show. She keeps stuffing raisins up my ass when she logs in or she sees me log in to Lambda. It's better than being ignored by her. She's been a bit more personable lately but I think that's because she's no longer "under the weather". I spoke with him on Thursday and he told me he sent me something but I have no idea what or why he sent me something in the first place. He told me how my mother's been acting stranger and stranger plus how she's reportioned her special brand of personality to accomodate only having two people take the brunt of it. I heard secondhand that the gift certificate she was going to get was just money rather than being a gift certificate. This really smacks as weird because I always consider gift certificates as being kinda thoughtless and giving no gift would actually be better. I spoke with her on the phone today and it was pleasant enough. We talked about how she's doing odd jobs doing makeup for photographers and babysitting among other employment venues and I told her about Jerkcity along with a few of my jokes like "Why did the cop shoot the octopus? He was armed!" followed by Jaybird's alternate punchline "Because he was black! galuahluhg!" Dave Sim has written that the character Rick was the closest he "will ever come to the portrayal of a good and thoroughly decent human being; completely without guile or malice." Kylie fits into this mold and she constantly confounds me when I do my damnedest to push her away or act like a complete ass to her for the sheer sake of being an ass but she is still my friend without ever showing, because I am starting to believe it does not go down, any decline in her feelings towards me. She's never around during the week. At least she has a life. I feel poor. I want to get some Christmas gifts but I have no idea how I can get myself to acquire such things. Definitely looking for work next week because MCI is nice enough but it sucks ass going through the S&M routine of "Fuck. Shit. Hellfire. Cocks. Oh no, not you. You've been more than kind. Thanks for nothing though." Outside of that, I've been playing Nethack. I went up to see if they wanted to come and have some dinner with me at Wooglin's but as I got to the top of the stairs to their apartment I saw their car drive away. Lucky them. Seems the only time I speak with her is about her email address and trying to get things done. Hearing "I'm through with this" via MOOmail which followed the last time I spoke with her that she said a past situation was "irrelevant" and before that she was "through with me" makes me wonder why she decided to contact me in any respect in any fashion. I told her that I know all women are vipers and scorpions. All women. Women only love themselves and they desire children so much because children really are parts of themselves that drop off the vine like so much fruit. The women who don't breed are just as bad because they manipulate others into being the children they can not/will not have. Women are the only option for someone who wants to have sex and not feel lonely since being a faggot is a waste of time and guys aren't attractive to me anyway. Being alone is just suicide for a being descended from communal animals. I think my father made some sort of change to my account with Qwest which is why I can't sign up for the 3.95 7c a minute with MCI taking advantage of the stuff offered to MCI employees. It is insane that people have to wait fifteen fucking minutes to get to a representative only to be transferred to someone else who will transfer them. I'm waiting to see if I will hear from my father but I doubt I shall anytime soon.  Win Twenty Bucks Decode the following line and email me what it decrypts into and I'll mail you twenty bucks. First come, first serve. There is only one answer and my decision is final. If a group of people crack this then they will each receive an equal portion of the prize, not twenty dollars for each participant. "djanferuzgscwkmfae" Site hit 7000 visits sometime between the thirtieth of November and December the first. Heh, "December the First" could be a pope's name. I finally figured out why she can't check her heptapod.org email account. Makonan was having password problems. It's fixed and she's happy. Hooray. My father didn't make any changes to my account with Qwest or my long distance service so now I can forge ahead and make changes to my account so I don't get bent over and assraped with long distance. Right now I'm getting charged something outrageous for one minute phone calls. $2.87 and it's pissing me off. He says he's going to phone me on Monday. I think she was hit by @home going down due to bankruptcy since her primary account is through that particular provider. I'll try phoning her on Monday or Tuesday and see what is up because I wrote out this long rambling email to no one particular and yet it'd be something best sent to her. My father phoned to let me know whomever is doing the infrequent updates and poor site management for his town's local business association is being a screwup and that I have a chance to step in and make everything a-ok. First thing I'd do is change the layout and make it a bit more handsome in addition to giving single pages at the site to local businesses which could be updated to show menus, special prices, movie listings, etc for businesses involved with this group. Reckon I still have the proposal somewhere on my laptop and I will be able to speak to someone who knows computers and is open to doing things differently, like forsaking the crappy NT site hosting company for something a bit more reliable. I think that the webmaster has the job because he can use Adobe Pagemill and got the job through someone he knows who owes his parents a favor. I had removed her link from dramatis personae because I was confused about the fact she started talking with me again and something hit me wrong. It was all in my head and I put her back here because she has made an impact in my life. I dislike work. MCI is wretched. Either people are strikingly stupid, get lied to on a regular basis or decide to try and be clever by stating they've been lied to rather than state they didn't listen all the way through the first time or just trying to squeeze more out of a company. The one negative thing that MCI has done for me is force me to interact with the elderly and negroes who seem to have the most problems with their bills or service. One would think Jews are cheap but you've never seen a negro try to get something for nothing, they make Jews look like rank amateurs because everything's been handed to them on a plate over some slight three hundred years ago. Yeah, it's a slight because it was alright at the time. One can't judge the past by modern standards. Please note the addition of a backscratcher to my want list for my birthday and Christmas. Such an object would be as welcome as money. I dreamt last night but I can't remember a damned thing about it. During that state of sleep where I'm awake but my body's still offline for nightly repairs I kept thinking to myself, "Hey fatty, you better reach over for the laptop and start writing this down. Once you get up everything will be forgotten." It wasn't a bad dream, just an odd dream about living in a world other than the waking world. Still playing Nethack and it seems that the best character that I can make is an elven ranger. One thing about the internet that constantly surprises me is the fact that there are so many folks who act so overly nice and tolerant and how that comes across as exceedingly forced. Like other "netizens" would admonish one person if that one person didn't do their job of defending every conceivable ethnic or national minority against comments no matter how innocuous. What brought this on is someone misspelled "straight dope" as "strait dope" and I responded "The strait dope? Would this be in reference to a particular imbecile who lives at Gibraltar?" Their reply was imbecilic with "duh late sucking dick cant spellcheck" and something along the lines of "people from Gibraltar are welcome to respond". While I was updating my Christmas want list I realized the obvious, this will be the first year where I'm not going to be driving all over creation being Santa Claus giving gifts to my friends in person. The upshot is that the only two people I know out here are in walking distance so I won't be driving. I think last year I drove three hundred miles going from northern NJ to Tim's to Raisin Acres then Delaware and back home again. Crikey. My father sent me clothes. How odd. He wrote that he will be sending my birthday gift sometime next week and says it'll be my favorite magazine. The only thing that's close to being my favorite magazine is National Geographic which I loved reading at his business when I would go up there late at night to have quiet, alone time. Only other thing that came to mind regarding things like magazines are comics but I haven't collected any comics in a long time and the only title I would be interested in is Cerebus. I don't think I would've enjoyed Cerebus as much had I started reading during High Society but Church and State is the best comic novel I have read so far. It's strange but fourteen days are stretched out over almost forty issues ending with the Final Ascension. Window of opportunity. The whole time I was on the phone with my father discussing that site business, Devo was messaging me to say hi and wondering why I wasn't on since I have Tuesdays off from work. I also have my own issues about how I perceive things (being called "friend" by a woman is akin to saying "hey i'm not interested in you in that way") and all that. Maybe it's coming back to me after all this time. The dream was a mix of Grand Theft Auto 3, and real life. Like Grand Theft Auto 3 because my apartment wasn't located in the basement of the building where the Birds and another tenant reside but in the basement of some warehouse that was at the end of some alleyway much like the hideout in GTA3 on Staunton Island. Things were a bit more run-down in the city than I would've expected and when I did go down into my apartment the walls and ceiling were fresh dirt instead of being wooden. Another part of the dream was about some guy who was my roommate coming down and saying that he's going away but his girlfriend needs someplace to stay while he's away. She's some skinny, skanky kid straight out of high school who thinks dressing like a hippy is tres chic. Annoyed that I wasn't going to get any alone time in my hobbit hole I went out and walked through the streets. There were lots of steep inclines which seemed undrivable in this city and it made walking around a real pain in the ass especially when it started raining something fierce. First thing I thought was my apartment's going to flood so I started going back only to realize getting home was uphill, both ways, just like the old joke.When I finally returned home there were two dogs lying at the top of the stairs safe from the rain. The chick yelled up that she let them in because I wouldn't have let them in being a cruel hearted bastard. Puzzling. The water was streaming along the dirt ceiling from capillary action, rarely dripping onto the floor much to my relief. Rest of the dream ended up being me lying in bed reading quietly while the hippy chick read her book under the desk. She did get up once and stretch which showed off her tight stomach and bones under her skin but it just made her look like a pen and ink drawing rather than a living human being. Wednesday was a good day for me, I was doing quite well with sales but somehow I think it's all a fluke for me. I had one bad phone call and it was this woman bitching about me that her address was added to this other woman's account. I did everything I could and was as polite as I could be trying to resolve the issue but when she wasn't satisfied with my efforts she decided to get even nastier. She was crying about how she's going to talk to the BBB and the FCC and other acronyms which are irrelevant to me. First she got nasty at me and said "crap" so I decided to tell her that language is not called for and this is her first warning. She was aghast wondering what I called her on and I said she used the "c" word which she asked me to repeat and I refused because that would cost me my job. All irritated she asked my name. "Haakon." "Your last name." "Black." "Black?" "Yes, like your heart." "WHAT??!?!?!?!" "Black like coffee is there anything else I can do for you today?" *click* Fuck it if someone heard or if the call was recorded, I had fun and I was profitable for the supervisor today. Plus I got another instance where a customer insisted on talking with a supervisor because I was so kind to them. Bad news that came down is that half my training class ended up getting pulled off the computers as customer service representatives and were thrust into telemarketing training which seriously pissed them off. I dodged that fucking bullet, I tell you what. Hopefully I can avoid that bullet for a few more months because if I don't get myself in line for a promotion or more money doing this work it'll fucking suck dick. Since I could afford to get out one hour early today I realized going out the door I had enough time to make it to the comic shop and get Jaybird The Dark Knight Returns 2. He was very happy about it and it pleased me. He also let me know that his mother would be caring for their kitty during their trip to Canada to visit with the Bou family. One funny thing was that Jaybird had never heard of the alias "Jew Nersey" for NJ, I brought it up commenting on the fact that Christmas songs were being played early (by NJ standards) and quite frequently. After Jaybird and I went to pick her up and stopped off at Chipulte (I think that's the spelling), maribou and I conspired about Christmas gifts. It was a happy thing. She asked me if I had seen the black cat who has been shadowing the area lately and I told her that I had but I wasn't up to leaving tuna out since I didn't want to draw undue attention to the kitty (Malyss claims the kitty is one of the agents of /The_Cat/ who is making sure I am a-ok out in Colorado Springs) like stupid thugs who grunt and spurt their jeans thinking about killing cats.
Okay this diary entry thing about people ain't working out that well, I reckon I should see more people or something since everyone I know is online or upstairs. Let's remember Pearl Harbor and even though only the concept of a surprise attack is the same here but also take this day to remember the people who died at the Pentagon and the World Trade Center on September 11th. My sister tells me that it's amazingly warm over in New Jersey so I'm glad that I'm out here in Colorado where the weather is a bit more bearable for someone like me. Today was another big day at work for me and I'm surprised that I almost hit the same high water mark that I hit yesterday. My supervisor tells me that next week I'll most likely be in the heavy hitters bay which will mean beaucoup bucks for me. At least I'll have the rest of next week to prepare for Thursday and Friday to be in the heavy hitters bay. Turns out that I have Monday off entirely though it's by force since my supervisor told me I should take the entire day off but he took into consideration I'm taking Wednesday off so I won't have to completely miss Mondays for the rest of the month. Great. Plus if I do hit 6% in sales a day, I'm getting ten bucks which means I can easily take off an hour early without worrying about being hit in the wallet. This is good and I'm happy which feels a bit sad since I'm happy about this crappy job. Once a day I run into a wicked witch of the west, not all of them are female but on the whole they seem to be because they're all busy. Honey take your mouth off your boyfriend and fucking listen for a minute since you're such a stupid cunt. Yeah? Okay there you go. You got something on your chin too. Good girl, we're done because you're such an idiot now take it up the ass. ghalguh blurblubrubrlb aglalgua The thing about coming home nowadays is that I leave in the dark and come home in the dark, things are exactly the same as I left them in the morning. Oh well, at least I have five days off (two unpaid that would've been paid) and I'm sure by the 16th I'll be making plan which means extra money that'll bring up what I'd be bringing home if I was just on salary. Crossing fingers that this holds up. I'm more inclined to give money to people who don't ask for money if they come across as enjoying what they are doing online and with web sites. Especially if they do stuff really well. It's sad, twenty three people in my training class were forced from the floor into training to be telemarketers. I'm glad that I dodged that bullet, I tell you what and I figure it is pure luck that it zinged past me. I can count the people from training who are still in customer service on one hand. I am content. Why am I drinking more than I had when I was in New Jersey? It's nearby, it's bustling and it makes me feel like a grownup. Plus after being all sloshed on September 11th I figured it's not that bad after all and I'm not doing it because I'm bored and I'm all out of seltzer. I make an event out of it for myself, moreso if I do go out drinking with other people. Plus drinking when I'm the only person around is fucking sad, at least in a bar one is never alone. Just wish that I could've gone out drinking with Jaybird and hung out and things rather than sitting around watching TV things. I'm no longer in New Jersey, I no longer enter that house and become a little boy afraid to exhale, I am me all the time. I wish I could've gone out drinking with Brian once, that would've been kickass but he's not a drinker and I don't think any of the folks back in New Jersey were drinkers. Not talking about hard core drunks but more like being go out and have a few then walk home rambling on about everything and such. Alcohol makes that much more adult. I should get a cigar too and have that except I think I'm only allowed to drink at the bar rather than at a table over at Jack Quinn's plus I wouldn't know the first place where to get a cigar. Maybe my father has a few cigars left over from the caribbean where he got a hold of real cubans. I doubt they were rolled between the thighs of young Cuban virgins but they sure got fucking wasted on my boss when I was trying to get on his good side with the cigars. Saturday I'll drink and hang out at the bar at the Utopia where they're less stringent but according to maribou they fucking got busted on Tuesday. I had breakfast there on Tuesday but they were busted at night. Damn. Plus she said that the cops were taking care of the park rats with guns drawn. Something big went down and I reckon I'll hear about it soon enough. Oh yeah, the only other time I really realize I am a grownup is when I'm playing pokemon on the gameboy and I realize that the big hairy mitts bent around the little toy are mine. Big, hairy, calloused thirty year old hands doing stuff that only pre-teens should be doing. Kylie did something very sweet a few days ago and I forgot to mention it here. I do not want any of you to ever think that I take this sweet woman who is decent, generous and honest for granted (or granite). She emailed me and said that she missed me and some folks at LambdaMOO missed me along with some words of support considering my mood at the time regarding my job. I treasure that. A Christmas Story. I was five or six, sneaking out of my room in the heart of night to see if Santa had left any gifts under the tree yet because I just couldn't wait for morning. In the dark I saw boxes under the tree but they were all white which made me think that the presents hadn't had enough time to materialize out of thin air since we didn't have a chimney all the way back then. I decided to turn on the Christmas tree lights to see what would happen and crawled under the branches reaching out for the little clicker. The clicker is a brown cord that plugs into the wall and allows lights to be plugged into the other end with a switch in the middle. *** SQUUUUUIIIIIIIRRRRSHHHHHH *** Daisy had pooped right on the switch. Yecch. I think I did get the lights on but my father came out and told me to get back to bed in that half-asleep but angry (the kind of angry that would be long forgotten by morning) voice. Realdolls are just corpses that don't rot. I wonder how many people have bought these beasties. What's creepy is that they can be made to look like someone. Whomever has bought one of these things because they can't get laid should be gassed and thrown into an incinerator. This didn't start off as a nightmare and I only remember bits of the beginning. Somehow I was a veteran and to get my benefits I had to go through this underground complex with various hidden doors which were locked and to avoid wanting to open up these thin particle board doors which wouldn't be considered secure by any means. Behind the thin doors without locks was darkness and in that darkness were the memories which were packed deep down and far away from the rest of waking life. When I started remembering most of the dream everything was starting out at the 7-11 about five minutes away from here, the black dwarf behind the counter was telling me that my purchase of grape soda and gum would be thirty dollars and fifty cents. At first I thought he was just saying that because he could see I just stuffed the gum in my shirt pocket with the intent of theft and being nice about letting me know that he knows my intentions. I counted up the total and in my head it only came out to be a dollar forty. Some manager woman came out and started telling me that I owed three fifty or thirty dollars and fifty cents but I couldn't hear her which lent to my confusion. The line behind me had grown quite long so I just gave up and left. I went back in after the crowd had cleared out but the 7-11 was closed. I decided I would sit down on the complimentary couch to wait. Makonan came in and she sat down next to the couch, I was worried that she was going to start getting angry at me because she's frustrated with hearing about my frustration and how she's just giving up yet again. Not the case whatsoever, much to my relief and surprise, she just wanted to talk with me like we used to talk back in July when she'd log in as Blue_Guest. Still being me, I decided to try and make everything right with her thinking somehow this would carry over into waking life. I was happy, figuring that I'd communicate better if I wrote something to her (red marker on tattered notebook paper) rather than spoke because usually when I speak people put me on the defensive. Halfway through writing the note she was trying to peek forcing me to stuff it behind my back out of sight. When she promised that she wouldn't read it I pulled it from behind me and realized that this was something I wrote about two years ago and not what I was writing a few moments before. Even worse, I couldn't remember what I was writing except for one part that told her "Stop here. Tell me to whisper to you." thinking I was clever making some multimedia kind of note. Around that moment is when I heard the low whine of a jet plane overhead. This disoriented me because I was thinking "Gee, I'm in New Jersey, not Colorado" and I got up to see what was going on outside. A big jet with purple, orange and blue decorations on its body was flying low over the store. Something was wrong but it didn't register with me until I blinked and saw it was lacking a left wing. I went back in the store and started shouting for Ben and Kate and Rocco to get out of the store then went over to grab Makonan and carry her out under my arm telling her not to look up and everything was going to be alright. Back outside I looked up again and the plane was banking crazily in the sky, doing a u-turn. My head tried to calculate its trajectory in hopes that I did have enough time to get away from anything worse than falling dirt and soot. The fear was so strong that it forced me wide awake. They stopped by very quickly to drop off their gifts to me on my birthday. A window scraper and de-icer plus a pair of black pants I can wear at work which means now the only pair of work pants I have will get a chance to rest and not get worn day after day after day after day which is a Good Thing (tm). maribou had to go back upstairs to study and Jaybird got kicked out of the house so she could study. Mordred sent me Programming Perl with a card meant for a two year old bearing Jar-Jar on it. Hehe. I wasn't expecting anything from her so I was happy about getting something in the mail. She called me yesterday and left a message on my phone, which is unplugged except when I'm online, saying she remembered Wednesday and stuff. That made me feel good. |
After work I'm going out to drink. I need to think about things. Being drunk in a booth reading LotR watching people will be enough for me. On Saturday night I'm going out to drink. My fucking birthday's coming up and I'm the only one who cares about it. On Sunday I'm going to PPV with the Birds, bless their hearts I love them so much. On Monday I ain't got no work so I might do shopping and busy post office things. I might end up at MCI so I can get the money I earned hitting 6% on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday of last week. That'll offset going home an hour early on those days most certainly and indubitably. Tuesday and Wednesday are going to be big ol' fuck-off days. Most likely I'm going to spend them cleaning up the apartment or taking care most of the aluminum cans. Gonna phone Brian and talk with him because he wants to have a heart to heart with me about what I emailed him recently. Who knows. Either I'll do something that'll make me think I'm sabotaging myself or things will turn out a-ok. Work starts over but I only have to work two days and end it with a paycheck (hopefully not meager if I get my bonus for hitting plan).
I was driving around in my car which was more beat up than usual when I found myself on cliffs overlooking the ocean. The sky undulated like the ocean below and flickered with gray green lights from beings that dwelled above the troposphere. I parked along the edge of the cliff and looked downward to the rocky beach below me. There were people down there, some were frightened and others were acting like it was a normal holiday weekend. Between them a few black slippery looking things scrambled towards the black ocean. I looked up and out towards the horizon but turned my eyes away because whatever was there was too terrible to look upon. The roaring and thundering began, I climbed back in my car and wrapped myself like a baby monkey around some metal bar that was welded in the middle of my car. I knew a tsunami was coming, black and oily like the ocean below me. Though my eyes were shut tight I could see through the back of my head, a wall of black water that rushed towards the edge of the cliff. The wave crashed down so powerfully it went through my car like it wasn't there, I clung even tighter to the bar knowing my knees, elbows and face were turning white from the sheer effort to stay on that anchoring device. The water moved over and around me, I could feel sea things brush against me in the chaos making me clench in hopes of becoming smaller. After what seemed like an hour, the oily water finally subsided and I got out of the car. The clouds had broken in the distance and along the seam of the horizon I could see a sickly yellow sunrise (sunset?) creeping through the broken clouds. Overhead the sky was still overcast, gray and solid like concrete, and the ocean was almost still and silent but the waters were still black. I started walking away from the cliff's edge over the carefully manicured lawn which was unmolested despite the chaos and punishment from a few minutes ago. Behind me there was a terrible noise of big things being banged together, when I turned around I saw three UPS vans floating atop the black waters which had risen to the edge of the cliff, the vans drove off as if this was completely normal. Farther away from the edge of the ocean, which was quickly subsiding, I saw there was a small baseball diamond where I sat down and started telling a big Nancy lie about how I signed up for softball when I was a little kid and it ended up that the team's coach was Sting from The Police and the only proof I could give that the lie was the truth was the fact that I knew his name was Gordon Sumner. As the light faded, the dream ended. I've always hated the ocean in my dreams. Either I'm at the beach and the waves are crashing against the shore drawing closer and closer to me and chasing me or there's a tsunami in the distance which is about to completely wipe out everything along the shore and further inland. One time I was along the shore when one of those tsunamis hit and I found myself beneath the wave which wasn't so much a wave but an enormous patchwork quilt that covered everything while being drawn back into the ocean by something. Recently while walking around Colorado Springs I'd look up at Pikes Peak and imagine waves breaking against the mountains and everything behind them being completely swamped in seawater for the next few decades. Other times I am thankful that I'm far away from the eastern seaboard because of the articles I've read about how some volcanic island off the coast of Africa is due to have half of its mass slide into the Atlantic causing a tidal wave so enormous that it'd finally lose energy once it got as far as Ohio. I don't think it will happen anytime soon, I even tried to contact the guy referenced in the article at New Scientist via email and telephone for more information but never heard back so I chalked it up to some labrat trying to avoid obscurity by using fear of some spectacular demise for part of the world. Finally some more MCI fun. I called into MCI the other day and the first thing out of my mouth was "I want to cancel!" and when I was asked why I wanted to cancel I said, "I don't know how to read my bill!" The rep on the other end tried to get my number but gave up after I stated he should already have that information and what kind of outfit are you running there anyway so I started asking for a supervisor. The whole time I was using my big black mammy voice and was acting hard of hearing. Too bad the rep never got around to reading the non-cancel disclosure because I was rip roaring to go off on, "Dontchoo tell me how ah can cansul!!! Y'all sets me up den y'all cans turn me off!!!" It was an entertaining thirty minutes, most of which was spent waiting for a fucking rep to pick up the phone. At least getting through to e-gate (they're the supervisors angry customers speak to, not the supervisors in the bay) took mere moments. Funny how so many people are getting mandatory undertime because of low call volume but the wait to speak with a customer service rep is still way too long. Oh, when they finally put me through to the supervisor I spoke normally and tried to act like the big black mammy had hung up and I was someone completely new who only wanted to know the rates for calling South Korea with the 7¢ Anytime plan without any international calling plan stuff tacked on to it. I should talk with my supervisor to learn how to keep a sale despite the fact that AT&T has some seven cents anytime plan but without any monthly fee. You wouldn't believe the number of times I hear that they can do better at AT&T and not pay a monthly fee, makes me wonder how the hell MCI makes any money if AT&T is underselling them. Small note: If you want to cancel your long distance service, you have to sign up with someone else and then your current long distance account will be transferred over to the new carrier and cancelled at the old carrier. It's the same if you don't need any long distance service whatsoever because you just call your local telephone company and tell them to switch off all your long distance and they'll send a notice to your long distance carrier to cancel your account. Why some people don't get this concept is beyond me. Just a wee bit more about me, lately I've had this annoying twitch in my right eye. It comes and goes but when it does come my eye quivers like a bowl full of jelly. Deep down I think that its something subconscious and I'm holding something back because whenever I get seriously upset about something and I'm trying to hold it back my eye twitches. The first time this was ever pointed out to me was when my sister was closing up shop and this one woman who works for my father started getting on my sister because my sister was asserting authority since my father was on vacation. I was getting all pissed off and I started pacing up and down the shop while the confrontation ensued. It was getting late and everyone should've left a half hour ago so I picked up this big shillelagh and started patting it against my hand and growling under my breath keeping eye contact with the bitch. The bitch finally left in a huff and my sister was all pissed off. I tried to talk my sister down but I was burning up inside and my sister told me that my eye was twitching something fierce. I just wish that the economy was better or my resume was better. I finally figured out what I'm getting maribou. I already ordered Jaybird's present. Gotta get cards to send out to folks, Brian, Buddha (not buddah as i see it spelled nearly everywhere. fucking hell. there are two tibetan stores in downtown colorado springs one would think that folks would get the spelling right), Tim and maybe Ronni. Folks who share a birthday with me:
It's my birthday. Hooray hooray. Been playing Nethack a lot and the highest score so far has been with my orcish barbarian named grunt. Second is my elvish ranger named obo and then somewhere at the bottom of the list is my samurai named kuresu. I reckon I'll probably finish Nethack as a barbarian if I can get past the gnomish mines and fucking save the game. Every time I save the character ends up getting killed and I can't restore the game which is a devilish little thing. Actually I found something out, just copy the character.sav file into another directory and play until killed and then put the file back in the nethack directory to pick up where one left off. Something that I've noticed quite a bit lately has been this thunder in the distance. Been way too cold and clear for there to be any thunderstorms and it's been weirding me out since I'd figure the only other source of the thunder could be training drills at one of the army bases or something even bigger happening far away echoing off the mountains. The other morning I dreamt that I was going to be a fireman. It took place back in New Jersey with me running around the neighborhood to get to the fire department quickly and trying to be sneaky about it. I hid in this one lady's garage because there was a lot of thunder and lightning outside and I needed shelter lest I get zapped. Neat thing about the lightning is that it wasn't a series of flashing forks but these large circles of light that moved slowly through the sky tracing the lightning forks. The old lady came home and parked in the garage where I was hiding asking, "Are you still there?" I got out sheepishly and said I was just looking for cover from the lightning and she just went inside her house like nothing had happened. I was in NYC running through the streets dressed in red like a fireman towards a firetruck. I grabbed the ladder and started climbing up, the other firemen said that I should put a hose on me to jet myself up the ladder because the climb was too high. At first I wasn't pushed up quickly but soon it got to be very fast and a hell of a lot of fun. One of the firefighters handed me a little baby and I made my way down to safety. I made eight bucks doing that and I decided that being a fireman ain't so bad and maybe all my life I wanted to be a fireman. Back at the station I learned that I wasn't going to be paid to be a fireman because I was only on volunteer status and to get paid I needed to be in better shape and carry two hundred and fifty pound bags of potatoes up and down a ladder in under five minutes. I was crestfallen. After looking at the other money I could've made as a fireman, there were little flyers taped up around the station with "Save someone like this, get $6.00" and such, I left for my grandma's old place. It was night time when I got in and Lex Luthor was in the den with his moll. He was going off on how he knew I was Superman and if he revealed my identity that would be the end of me. He waved around a piece of kryptonite which frightened me. That's when my sister came out of the kitchen with tea for everyone. We all had a sip and suddenly the sun was out and blazing high in the sky. Luthor exclaimed, "We're in Heaven! We finally made it!" His moll left the house in a hurry but Luthor lingered a bit saying that she would be back and boy would there be trouble for me. Whatever my sister put in the tea finally wore off, some kryptonian hallucinogen, and the ruse was up. Only thing I could think to do was throw Luthor's drink in his face and hope he gets suckered into the hallucination again. Thankfully he did and I ran out of the house and did something I hadn't done in quite some time in dreams. Jumping. I got a few good jumps in before it turned to night time again, it seems that Luthor's moll was hallucinating so well that she actually thought she could fly to the point she could fly while she was deluded by her magic tea. I caught her before she made a crater on the ground and started walking home.     
  Christ, being around people just reinforces what god damned monkeys we are all descended from originally. Hysterical women shrieking hysterically on the telephone about being transferred twenty times is hysterical but it doesn't sound like a human being screaming or yelling but some monkey being raped in the monkey house. I'm getting better at the job, just wish I was making more sales. Definitely hope that I don't end up losing my good score from last week because I only had a few sales today much to my dismay and I tried so hard to do well at work. Ah well, I'll live and move on. Someone was complaining that he thinks he's going to be fired because he had this one particular customer screaming about the FCC and having his ass in a sling. I hear that a lot and I ignore them because I'm just doing my job and there's nothing they can do to me because I'm competent. Just gotta clean up after wrestling tonight and tomorrow's just twenty hours until my weekend. I'm torn on whether or not I would like to have Monday off completely or come in for a half day. Time for wrestling. I'm tired. MCI == dicklicking but it's still a fucking paycheck. Lawdy lawd. Well I just got home from spending most of the evening at the Utopia, the Old Dog Band was playing and I spent three hours finishing The Fellowship of the Ring along with reading a few of the appendices and the preface to the story. I wanted to check out this one place called Maxwell's over on Vermijo but it was definitely not to my tastes. The band was too loud and seemed joyless then I walked back to at least get something to eat at Jack Quinn's on Tejon but they were full with no decent booths to sit in so I decided to take my chances at the Utopia. I was there earlier but the tables were full and I wanted to at least sit down and read while listening to whatever band was playing and know that I wasn't alone but I was reading. Some girl named Melissa came up to me and we talked for bit when she asked me what I was reading then I told her about my plans to take a trip across the USA and she said that if one has the energy to go around the world three times one should go around the world at least once. I told her that I'd keep it in mind but she went back to hanging out with her group of friends and I returned to reading my book. Biggest surprise of the evening was coming home and it being past midnight. Gracious, I don't think I've been out that late that much since I've been in Colorado Springs. Most times I end up coming home an hour or so before midnight, last Saturday I came home around nine-ish but it certainly felt much later to me. Something that kept going through my mind tonight was how I wish that I could be in New Jersey going to see the Fellowship of the Ring with Brian, Tim, Buddha, Ronni and all the rest even the ones who don't reply to my emails. I ended up phoning Brian from a payphone getting his voicemail telling him that I wished I was there for the movie since from the reviews the first Lord of the Rings movie is looking like something special making such an outing sacred along with the meeting at the diner to all hours of the night talking about the movie and anything else on our minds. I followed that up with asking him, most humbly, if he would keep a spare seat open for my ghost seat when everyone gets together to see the Fellowship of the Ring. If I was back in New Jersey I would've insisted that my father come along with me and my friends to see the movie, I pay for him, because he was so good to take me to see Star Wars oh so many years ago and I want to return the favor with something even more amazing. It's sad though, when he took me to see Star Wars he was probably younger than me and he had his shit together and now that the Fellowship of the Ring is out I'm barely getting my shit together feeling like I'm on a shaky foundation. Still, coming out to Colorado Springs is worth it. Now I'm home, I smell like cigarettes and alcohol so I know it was a good evening. Soon I'm going to be falling asleep and hopefully I won't be haunted by all those missing pet posters I've been seeing around Colorado Springs. Whenever I see them I get all sad because the little souls are out and lost after they decided to run off and have an adventure, this one kitty named Posey is so wee and needs medication and I so wished that when I came home I'd find that the kitty had pushed her way through the basement window into my apartment and was nestled somewhere in the mess safe and sound so tomorrow I could call up that number and return her to her caregivers. Also there's another kitty named Oreo who's been missing and I've seen plenty of posters for her which say she's probably hiding in the garage and then there's a wee beagle lady missing named Genesis. As for the latter, I think they're home safe and sound but the owners just haven't had the time to take down the posters because a week or so ago I ran across a lady walking her beagle and I think the name was like Jenny or something plus the kitty named Oreo looks like one of /The_Cat/'s operatives checking in on me and I've seen plenty of kitties cavorting in the backyard. Fat squirrels too, but they're another story. Then this got me to thinking about Malyss' duck friend and the story I read when she had some diary somewhere on the internet, this was around the time she wasn't talking to me. I have to admit that was one of two times where I didn't like the rotties who live across the street from her, the other time was when I was staying at Raisin Acres and Joy was still around and she'd wander through the woods in the moonlight doing her doggy things and I would worry about Johnson or Holly (the rotties) getting loose and deciding to beat up on Joy. That whole night I was awake asking myself if I could get the shotgun which was by the sink and blow Johnson's head off if he hurt Joy, bless her soul. What troubles me about the missing animals is that the darker side of me thinks some moron's going around Colorado Springs kidnapping animals for whatever reason and maybe even worse is that the owners are just young and irresponsible who don't realize they are dealing with the life of another living being so they make an innocent, yet stupid, mistake where the little one goes off never to be seen again. Just a little bit more of worriedness and this is mostly silly but I still check when I do come home from where ever is that I didn't see Jaybird and maribou's car anywhere and there's this one car that looks just like theirs except for the ski rack (hard to see at night) and the Wyoming license plates. Yes, I know they're adults and everything but I still worry about them. My beard's all twisty now from thinking and worrying and because it's getting long which means I'm due for a trim. Sigh. Back last week on Saturday I was walking downtown through Acacia Park and I heard a kitten mewling, I stopped and looked around because if the kitty was friendly I would've just opened my backpack and placed the wee kitty in there to make my way back home to at least give the kitty shelter for a few nights. Of course stomach wrenching paranoia would ensue with me wondering if I would be able to keep my job and take care of the kitty. Fuck me, I'll get by eventually but I don't want to tease some poor kitty with a home only to take it away or have to abandon the wee kitty. This is why I've been reticent about acquiring feline company because sometimes I still feel like this whole situation is about to give way beneath me. When I go food shopping on Saturday after cashing my paycheck I'm going to buy a few cans of tuna and leave them out for the kitties who play in the backyard. Only thing I'd worry about with them is that the main floor neighbor is home and he seems to be especially cranky lately, even though Jaybird and maribou haven't heard him, and I don't know if he's the type who hates cats or will make some stink about food being left on the patio or something. What the fuck, I'll do it anyway. Goodness, Makonan sent me a book for my birthday. House of Leaves. I'm almost done with Fellowship of the Ring and after that I'm going to start House of Leaves. She also sent me a very lovely card for my birthday which will be the bookmark. Knock me over with a feather, she sent me a fifty dollar gift certificate for amazon.com which is way too much from what I was expecting (a nice card). When I came back on after wrestling she wasn't around and then I found out what she got me and I didn't get a chance to thank her in person and all that. Goodness. She pestered me and bruised me and made me cry tonight and she was so mean and I said she was just jealous because I'm cool and I have friends and all that but that only made her poke and punch me more. Jaybird was too busy playing puzzle games to achieve satori only turning around when wrestling really shone and tonight it did a few times which is definitely a Good Thing (tm). I really hope that they like my gifts, I've been saving up to get Jaybird a realdoll and I got maribou a Little Klansman Kit. Merriment shall ensue.  The dream started out in some office complex where I was talking with some guy about his job as a radio DJ. The guy was short, bald and apparently had little man syndrome like Ronni's boyfriend Arthur but he wasn't Arthur. More like a hybrid of Arthur and George Constanza. He told me that it's all hard but it has benefits which are few and far between like how he gets lots of nude women in his studio but he doesn't have them cavort on-air like Howard Stern would have them play around on-air. I was overwhelmed with this desire to punch him in his bald face when I heard that but I refrained and went back to a conference room. Much later, even though the sun hadn't changed its position in the sky, Devo came in saying hello wondering what I was up to in the empty room that seemed so important when I walked in about an hour ago. She told me that she was going to have to relinquish her intercontinental title because she wasn't twenty four anymore. In my dream a world title was a crappier title than an intercontinental title because it has fewer syllables and the word "world" doesn't have the kind of class a word like "intercontinental" would embody. We went for a walk down the halls which suddenly grew dark, the DJ came up to Devo and rudely took her aside to speak to her in private so I took her cordless phone from her jacket pocket and went up the stairs turning it on and leaving it at the top of the stairs so the battery would run out. I found myself in an auditorium, whatever the show was it was already finishing up for the night. An announcer declared, "And now the new intercontinental champion!" A young black girl wrapped in a bolt of gold lamé came out, opened the fabric revealing she was naked underneath except for the smileyfaces she had painted on her breasts with her nipples being the noses. She jiggled once then bowed deeply before going offstage. "And now the former intercontinental champion and new world champion!" bellowed the announcer, Devo came out onstage wearing just a leather harness with her arms crossed in front of her. She shrugged then gyrated a few times onstage before prancing off the stage with a new grin on her face, I got up and left the auditorium. I didn't see her for the rest of the dream nor did I want to see her again in the dream because I was angry with her. Anyway the dream last much longer for me. Work stuff. On Friday this elderly woman called in about how she didn't recognize a call on her bill and I did a reverse search with the directory assistance tool and it came out to be this store down in Florida. She told me that she recognized the number now but she was wondering why a one minute call was made to the store because her son who worked there had died a year ago. My kneejerk response, which didn't come out, was that maybe his ghost dialled his old place of work from your place to let you know he was still around. I didn't say this to her because I didn't know if she'd take that as being cruel or facetious because I would've meant it as being something real. I ended up saying in the notes she didn't recognize the call even after doing a directory assist and I credited her for the call which was only twelve cents. I am not convenient for you. I want things because I know I deserve them. Ignore me once, I will ignore you forever. Sad thing is that I am soft despite my apparent resolve in regards to situations like this but I know my patience is running out with people. Some people think that letting me blow off steam rather than seeing what's wrong is the best way to handle spivak. I really don't think it is and it makes me think that it's just some passive aggressive thing to avoid dealing with someone else's shit.  I did a project with help from kafejo.com and the nice folks on EFNet's #esperanto I was able to translate the Jerkcity comic Socian Komentaron. Here's a rough translation: DEUCE: WHY DON'T WOMEN EVER SEEM HAPPY WHEN THEIR FACE IS COVERED WITH CUM? I'm so proud of myself. I think I will pick up an Esperanto dictionary from maribou's bookstore on Tuesday so I can learn a bit more of this language. Just think, learning an artificial language that isn't Klingon. Plus I learned that those circumflex marks over consonants just mean there's an X after the consonant. What made me proud is that I figured out that Deuce was saying "shut the fuck up" in the last panel without any help. I almost figured out the age, sex, weight bit but it wasn't clicking and I got help in #esperanto.  When I saw that I cracked up and I wondered if there were such things anywhere. Then I discovered there's a #klingon which made me very sad. I'm all worried about my job at MCI and making it through the next few months. I hear things are supposed to get busy around March or April but right now I'm trying to be very conservative with my money, yet still being able to go out and get drunk on Fridays or Saturdays, so I can save up and either get my car fixed or plan for a trip back to New Jersey or just do something nice for myself. I'm also worried about the document status of my vehicle but so much time has passed and I am (selfish) and busy so I think "fuck it" and that is that. trying to think of a positive emotion Erm. Happy? I made people laugh today. I'm more sullen than happy or content right now.  I'm done with my translation of the Jerkcity comic from Esperanto into English. The translation that appeared yesterday was flawed, this translation is much better. Now that I'm done with thi project, part of me says, "Hey, why not go about translating all the Jerkcities into Esperanto and this will be the only English one !!!" Fat chance.  It'd be cool to see a Jerkcity in Klingon but I think I misplaced my Klingon dictionary and that would be extremely gay and only lead to my throat being punched repeatedly and banned from #jerkcity. Heaven forbid Jerkcity in Quenya.  Good things about being away from LambdaMOO:
Bad things about being away from LambdaMOO:
I really like the fact that I'm learning something even though I might just be a generalist at it rather than mastering some subject. I still wish that I was learning to play the piano and learning another language like German or Italian. Something I'd like to do is go out somewhere that has a piano with someone and just sit down and start playing a song. No singing though because that would be embarassing. When I was walking around downtown I looked in the window of the music store next to the Utopia and there were listings of music lessons but they were mostly for guitar and other rock instruments. I'd also like to be able to program. Nothing big, but stuff that folks would really consider useful and want to steal for their own use. So far perl seems easy enough but there are concepts which elude me in programming like subroutines and forked commands. At least I can count and do basic math in base 8 and 12 plus it makes a lot of sense to start counting at zero rather than one. 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 and 9. See? They're all single digits. Ten single digits.
Ignore this entry because it's irrelevant since it's mostly dreams. Early Tuesday morning I dreamt I was helping my (paternal) grandparents carry in their groceries. Strange thing is that they're both gone in real life and they had cellphones. My grandma had arms full of bags and was carrying two heavy jugs of clothes detergent complaining that she couldn't carry it all. I tried to help but ended up getting the entire load with my hands hurting from being stretched out holding two jugs in one hand. My grandma picked up her cellphone after it rang three times and spoke with my grandpa who is out in the driveway bringing in the rest of the groceries when her cellphone emits a short, high pitched beep. I bustled her inside and ran around, stopping before I got to the car, to see my grandfather's legs sticking out from the back of the car. He wasn't underneath or behind the car, he was lying between this little wall and the car with his legs sticking out. I knew it was him because I recognized his correctional shoes. I ran back inside, ran around to the front room and started calling the paramedics. The operator said that there was a 3.95 911 emergency charge but I was yelling into the phone looking out at the beige Mercury thinking that they'd never get there on time. Grandma came in and sat in the green chair next to the front door, sighing and crying that she had to see grandpa die again and considering the circumstances she was even more down about the situation. I sat on the stairs across from her and waited for the ambulance wail when the front door burst open and some broad shouldered guy burst in yelling "SURPRISE". Grandpa was reborn and his new body was like Haephestus. Apparently being born again doesn't get someone a new body type and handicaps from an earlier life are carried over to the new life. After the initial shock I was more pissed at him for pulling that kind of joke than scared from the surprise and my reincarnated grandfather was standing before me as if he's always been here. The rest of the dream had something to do with living in a house which remodelled itself the happier its owners made the house. First it was a ramshackle dive then it became this cool looking, but still ramshackle, house with patches of red paint, mismatched lumber and thrift store furniture. When I went back to sleep I had a brief dream about walking downtown. When I looked eastwards on Yampa I saw that Kansas and all points east were in the grip of an insane blizzard. The only way I could describe it was that the world ended where that curtain of snow and blizzard began and Colorado Springs as an island of Earth and the only thing keeping the atmosphere in place were the mountains since they're over four thousand feet high which was relevant for some reason. There was heavy snow the night before but I was more surprised at how quickly the snow was melting on the ground and the severity of the storm to the east. I ran back to the house where my upstairs neighbors were walking out to go downtown. I explained what I saw and expressed my concerns but they shrugged and said it was normal. To the west I saw there were thick snow-clouds wreathing the mountains slowly making their way down to the city but I ignored it since it was normal. We went to this small brick greenhouse outside of Acacia Park where we sat and watched wrestling. Wrestling had gotten awfully strange, RVD had lost his title to Triple H and was forced by the rules of the match to be led around by two dominatrixes while he was dressed in a latex french maid's outfit. When one of the announcers went to interview RVD the crowd in the background started shouting, "Muad'dib!" over and over again. That's when we heard the thunder. It echoed and roared for at least five minutes, Jaybird and maribou jumped and started running down Tejon leaving me with an open backpack and scattered books and papers. I didn't yell after them because I was sure I could easily catch up after I got my shit together. All around me the people were scattering like rats leaving a sinking ship. The cloud cover to the west was drawing ever closer to downtown Colorado Springs very quickly. Once I had my shit together I saw that my car was there, I hopped in and started up to speed home. As I got there, parking with half of my front end on the sidewalk since in my dream that was the Colorado Springs custom of parking during heavy snow to accomodate the snowplows, the Birds were running indoors. A big snow was coming but I wouldn't see it because the dream had ended. I'm not in a good mood and I haven't been since late Monday night. First off while talking with Kylie I was all angry because I was wondering why I even came out here in the first place. She didn't get a clue that I was seriously pissed and was pushing my buttons which only served to make me angrier. Today I wasn't as worked up but I started getting irritated again. I really don't think certain events could make me happy right now because this seems deep set in me or the fact that I'd judge certain events as being hollow in nature. Ah well, another day another eighty plus calls of elderly and negroes calling in because they don't understand their bill for ten fucking hours. I'm going to ask for undertime considering I wasn't supposed to be in work on Monday, even for a half day, and might as well make up the other half so having too many hours right now doesn't put me in a bad light with the company. I do not want to be in telemarketing and I have that sword of Damocles hanging over my head should I happen to screw up as a customer service representative. Please oh please let there be another position that opens up in the near future that doesn't deal with telephones and irate customers. Hurr. |
More dreams to irritate you, tailored to be incomprehensible and pointless in such a fashion that they will bore you beyond the dreams of avarice. First off I dreamt that I was delivering a pizza to Dave Sim, the creator of Cerebus, and he invited me into his house. It was small, had the ambiance of a 1970's basement bar and the floor was covered with little spherical hard candies. I immediately knew that this was some sort of symbolism about guys losing their balls to women. Being whipped that is. Black gold. Kinfolk said move away from there. He wanted to show me the latest issue he was working on because he knew that I had dreamt back in the early nineties that Jaka had an abortion and that the cover to Jaka's Story would involve snow. When I asked to see what he was going to show me he broke down laughing saying he wasn't going to show me it anyway. I left. I left and got on a train to return to my old house in New Jersey. Outside the train seemed awfully big but inside the train was only the length of a rail car. Once underway it rumbled down the tracks gaining momentum. Far ahead I noticed a big blue and green truck parked on the tracks, as the train drew closer I saw it was some landscaper service vehicle with a chipper shredder towed behind it and the train was making no motion to slow down. Before I could even turn around and try to start running back to avoid being hurt the train hit the truck hurling me forward through a tangle of branches and leaves. I got up and discovered I was relatively safe, I went to one of the landscapers who was impaled on a broken branch and asked him if I was hurt. Ecstatic that I was in the pink I started walking back to the house since I wasn't that far and I recognized Echo Lake Park. Since I had been in Colorado the place had substantially changed because it now had a longer river and more people in attendance. Once I got to the new swimming pool I stood on my head and walked around in that fahsion. Night fell quickly and I came up to a locked fence. On the other side of that fence was the road to my house but there was no way around the fence or the horse farm that lay within its confines. For hours I walked around that fence trying to figure out how to break in or climb over to no avail. Soon this little kid came out and said she'd let me through but I had to be quiet since she'd get in deep shit with her parents. Finally I got through, annoyed at the inconvenience, and started to make my way home through the ever darkening night of my dream. My sister sent me a package for Christmas with Hallowe'en Simpsons figures and three framed photos of Ben, Kate and Rocco. Rocco still looks gay and Ben & Kate look all distracted and forlorn. I'm sure that I'm just projecting these emotions on them. Maybe not. I'm seriously fucking pissed with my father and it's not helping my current pissy mood because I asked him to take care of something very important for me and he completely fucked it up claiming he misheard me. Looks like hhsb will be coming out to Colorado to visit with Jaybird, maribou and myself at the Birdhouse on Martin Luther King Day weekend. When I spoke with her today I used my black mammy voice telling her I wanted to cancel which completely flustered her because she thought I was an elderly black woman. I feel bad for Jaybird because he works with a Jehovah's Witness. I'm sure the banter between the two is relatively light hearted regarding religion but damn those Jehovah's Witnesses seem to be such dour cocksuckers who want nothing to do with celebrating things or being involved with other people unless it means going from house to house waking people up from a sound sleep. Of course they claim to love Jesus a whole, whole lot which only makes me think "Why don't you just fucking die already so you can be with him?" Sit around cranking your dicks to Matthew, Mark, Luke and John for the nine hundredth time and live boring lives. So I went out to the mall with Jaybird then we got beer and then fajitas from Chipotle and came back and exchanged gifts. I felt completely out of sorts because my gifts weren't wrapped and they wrapped my gift and I felt bad giving them gifts wrapped like a Jew (still in the bag). Still had a lovely evening upstairs which definitely helped my spirits. And just for the fuck of it, and I'm sure she noticed, this entry is for Makonan despite the fact the majority of it was about a dream and she ha^H^H strongly dislikes dream entries. I drank with JHaybird last nigte and I was happ;y. I talked with Dee but she was tired or she was sad coz I like her and she doesnt like me and doesnt have theh eart to tell me to fuck off and give up. Then at work I saw nipple today becaus this spic chick had niPPLe at work!!!!!! fuck I did stair at her but sly and stuff but damn sehhad a shelf with ashef nad whoo hoo. i'm RICKFLAIRE WHOOOOOOOOOOOO  Here I stand head in hand Everywhere people stare "Hey. You've got to hide your love away." How can I even try How could she say to me "Hey. You've got to hide your love away." I drank upstairs and came down and listened to You've Got to Hide Your Love Away over and over and over and over and over while talking to folks and being distracted listening to music and talking in all caps at #jerkcity then I fell asleep. This all got me moody, much moreso than I would've expected or wanted considering my history with alcohol and it's nobody's fault but my own and I don't regret a moment of it. I slept. As for that entry I wrote, it was a mention of an incident at MCI on Thursday where I was going to the break room going past the telemarketing department where I came across this one chick sitting there and she was wearing this bodice thingy that was more like a shelf but she had a jacket around her but it was wide open and she was almost bobbling out. Okay not almost but I saw nipple. That was a big fucking surprise, I'll tell you what. Big fucking deal though cheap thrills are dime a dozen as far as I can reckon but trying to get love out of some people or blood from a stone is nigh impossible and I'm a fat fuck who's self important and thinks he has more influence than he really does in the very end of everything. Dunno if I'll go drinking on Friday. Maybe I will, maybe I won't and I'll stay home doing nothing whatsoever or pester people online or maybe I won't because I know I'll feel all fucked up thinking I'm really pestering them rather than using the word pester in a cute way. Anyway I'm waiting for being moody to be over with because I can't hack it anymore but at least I laughed and smiled upstairs with Jaybird and maribou. Also the nicest cartoon that I've found is this one at Jerkcity. Look at it. Now I'm downloading music and stuff to listen to when it's dark and late and I can't sleep because I'm overtired from my day. What it comes down to is that I'm old. I was going to go out and see The Fellowship of the Ring tonight except the theater I was going to patronize already had its last showing much to my consternation which means that I'll have to see it tomorrow. One thing you'll notice about this page is the fact that I have the dreams all lined up nicely at the bottom rather than being all woogy once it gets to the centennial mark. I did nothing today and I think that's a virtue.
I wish I was happy. Beyond what the Birds have done for me so far, I feel a debt of undying gratitude towards the Birds because the very fact I'm able to play GTA3 over this holiday and all that along with reading the D&D 3rd Edition Player's Guide when I'm indisposed has entertained me greatly and made the lonely hours pass by so much quicker than they would have if I was just online reloading message boards. Life's truly exciting for me right now and I know that you know that I know that you know it's true. It's Christmas. Seriously considering spending thirty bucks for the party down at the Utopia since there'll be nobody around here and I don't know anyone outside of the Birds and I really don't feel like spending New Year's all alone doing laundry late at night and checking email here every so often. By the way, it was a very nice laugh to see "log onto lambda you hairy faggot" in the atomz.com weekly search report. Still Lambda hasn't changed even though Jaybird says that makes Lambda like heaven. I understand and concur with his belief, at least his belief in my estimation, that consistency is a virtue. I'm sure that I'll find out one way or another when I see them next after they return from the blustery wastes of Canada. Only thing on my mind tonight was thinking about getting a kitty and every kitty I saw I knelt down and did the Busy Kitty Song tm to see if they would come forward to say hello and check me for raisins then I wished them Merry Christmas regardless of their actions. I miss Ben and Kate and Rocco. I miss them a great big lot of bunches I do miss them yes I do. Finally for a handful of folks who will be receiving cards, most of them are moody and depressive. Most of them are that way pointedly so in order to convey a point that I do not believe matters to the recipients or to evoke some sort of strong feeling. Others were written up after that night and aren't so moody. Dirty Dreams Thrilling, wasn't it? So I forgot to update last night. Went to work, had a crappy day doing sales of new telephone lines then came home where i nearly promptly fell asleep. No Grand Theft Auto Three. I did not pass go. I did not collect two hundred dollars. It was amazingly exciting. Today started out pretty neat, they played most of the opening theme for Spongebob Squarepants on NPR's Morning Edition and that cartoon's pretty darned cool and it made me wish that I was at home watching that instead of going to work to be bitched at by the elderly or deal with the women who played the maid in the old Tom and Jerry cartoons. I reckon there'll be a day where I answer the phone saying my name's Thomas just to see if they say Thomas like those big mammys. The day was alright, I got twelve lines and only got 99 points because two of the lines were just consolidations which means I don't get any money for handling those lines. I could screw around and try to get money but I don't want to risk my job. Went to lunch, came back and finished out the day. My car wouldn't start. No electricity. No whirr whirr of the starter. Absolutely dead. Holy serious fuck. I tried to get jumpstarted but it didn't do diddlysquat so I was able to bum a ride home. Hopefully my car will not be towed for being in the MCI lot overnight and everything will be happy come sunrise. There is some hope, I figure, because Jaybird's mom is home (she's babysitting the Birds' kitty) and maybe I can get a ride over to MCI so I can wait for a tow truck to arrive and get my car fixed. The sad bit is that this means I will have to use my two hundred dollars that I socked away to get the car in working order. If that wasn't enough, before I found out about my poor car's situation, there was a miscommunication between Devo and myself which had me seriously pissed off at myself at being a deluded fat fuck. We spoke on the phone later and I figure I feel alright but I'll see how things go in the future. I get worked up about things because I've dealt with passive aggressive people all my life so I figure nearly everyone who is close to me will be passive aggressive. Makonan wanted to talk with me and I looked for her but she wasn't around, I reckon she had to go to bed or something and I feel bad since she seemed to need to talk to me about something important but I dunno what exactly the subject would be. Right now I'm playing the theme from Spongebob Squarepants over and over in hopes of making me feel better and to get rid of the anxiety nagging at me regarding my car and money. A brief nightmare. Morning after Christmas I woke up in my dream and thought I was back in New Jersey in my old room. I could see the two windows in front of me, the dim green glow of sunlight in the aquarium where Pinky and Cartman lived together. For a few minutes I wondered if my time in Colorado was real or if it was just a dream that I got caught up in one night. I got up and went over to the window and Pinky leapt out of the water. He was grossly malformed, his body felt like a stale loaf of bread and Pinky's eyes were seriously askew with one being in the middle of his back and the other along his right cheek. Pinky's mouth was huge and always grabbing onto something in a toothless bite. He flew around the room and it was terrifying, I grabbed onto him to try and keep him in check and he squirmed like crazy in my grasp. It was not a good dream at all. Another nightmare was about being at my grandfather's funeral but this time it was a replay of his funeral where I kept my eyes open to look at him rather than keep them clamped shut because I couldn't bear to look at him in the coffin. His hair was jet black and his face was somewhat younger but he retained some of the oldness in his face around the eyes. It was very disturbing and the feeling stayed with me for most of the day. One more bit of bad news is that when I go into #jerkcity is the fact that I don't get auto opped like I used to so it makes me wonder what might've happened or if my usual IP has changed and whatever would op me doesn't recognize me anymore. It's one of my little joys in life. I don't know if I will be doing anything for New Year's despite my thoughts in last week's entries. The battery in my car ended up rotting and acid burned away at the battery housing and a few cables which is why my car was dead. My alternator is fine, thank goodness. The total repairs are going to cost a hundred and forty something dollars. First part of the dream had me at my old library. Mind you the old library back home was completely different but it appears in this fashion in my dream. It's big, also like a school and it's alarmed. My visit to the library in this dream is about going there to take some courses on telemarketing law, the lowest rung of the legal profession anyone could pursue. I was there attending classes because I was simply bored and it was something to fill up time. There's a bald woman with a red wig talking at me and I'm very angry at her so I go through the library's corridors (the library back in new jersey doesn't have corridors) looking for shelves and when I do find the telemarketing legal reference materials which are made up of old Clive Barker pulps, white light Wicca stuff and a few dusty untouched legal tomes. On the spine of each book is a button along with a certain knowing that lets me know if I press a button something will happen. Eventually I make it to the front of the building, it's night outside, and I leave the place. The red wigged woman starts yelling at me for her stupidity at not turning off the library alarm. My exit triggers it and traps her inside the building where the alarm is blaring to the point that it can be deadly to anyone who hears the clanging. Outside I'm safe and I watch her suffering for a few minutes before going across the street. At this small pharmacy, which is really a hearing aid supply store in real life, I find another one of those bookshelves except it's in disarray. Books are tattered, tilted wildly, crammed together without care or love. Intrigued and wanting the books to feel like they are wanted and still loved I start going through them and find a plastic bag. Inside the plastic bag are old mylar covered reprints of the Hellraiser comics from fifteen years ago that I used to have in abundance. Each one was five dollars each at the time and I found a bag filled with ten glossy paged comics that actually did good stories, something Clive Barker is incapable of creating because he's a hack. The first thing going through my head is "I can give these to Devo!" Now my dream will become annoying for the few people who ha^H^H strongly dislike my dreams or the narrative structure used when conveying my dreams in the written (typed) word. The background for this dream is that there's a great bubble of energy around the town which started out as the world of death closing in around the past because it was time for the past to finally die. I had tried to save a few people who had become memories so I could have them with me in the time of realtime, which is the present, to no avail. By the time I got to the bookshelf outside of the pharmacy another bubble had sprung up and started shrinking slowly around the town because death had decided it wanted to take realtime into its realm. Back to the main part of the dream. When I turned around from the books I saw a car like my car but inside it was all light purple or magenta with those spic pom-pom balls along the windows. Sitting in the driver's seat was Dawn Brady, someone I knew way back before I switched high schools in sophomore year, painting her toenails. Her hair was jet black on top and the same striking magenta color for three inches on her ends, back when I last saw her she was a natural blonde but somehow she had become naturally black haired. I spoke with her briefly and in that time I realized the immediacy of the destruction of the present and asked her to come with me to a pond so we could talk about old times. We laid down at the pond behind the pharmacy, the pond doesn't exist there just a parking lot and route seventy eight, where she continued painting her toenails. I told her that I wished I wasn't such a pussy on the eighth grade trip and just said that I did like her because I thought she was pretty back then and how I wanted to get to know her. How I had my second chance at getting to know her after eighth grade was over (I was riding my bike past the garbage can which I would set on fire in the winter but stopped after getting in-school suspension and there were lots of ashes in the can this time around and when I looked in there dreading I would be the very first person blamed for this she came along and said that she knows I didn't do it and would make sure I wouldn't get in trouble) but just thanked her and rode back home. The big energy bubble closing around my hometown to join it with the world of death was much smaller. I knew there were just minutes to spare when I heard a voice in my head saying I could weather the storm which would take the place of realtime when the bubble was done and if I took two people with me they would also weather the storm and my heart would be happy. I grabbed Dawn's hand and tried to find the absolute center of the bubble where I dropped her off then went to get Devo because I knew I could run to Oklahoma in time. I hit the inside of the bubble and couldn't go any further, outside of the bubble was the realtime world merged with the world of death. Everything looked the same except there were deeper shadows in the creases of objects and the faces of people. Pushing with all my might of my shoulder against the bubble I still couldn't squeeze past the shrinking bubble much to my dismay. A little sad, I went back to the center to sit and wait for the inevitable hoping that the voice in my head was telling me the truth. I woke up with Strawberry Fields Forever stuck in my head. Current Reading: House of Leaves Comment on this entry | There are 0 comments The following was acquired at this site. It is reprinted without permission. When our brigade fought its way through heavy rebel defences to help them, our tanks had to struggle through barricades of corpses of our Slavic brothers... When you see how tracks chop and hummer human flesh, how heavy leading wheels coil intestines of people just like yourself... When heads pop open with a crunch under a steel caterpillar and all around it is sprayed with a grey and red mass of brain. Brain of a maybe unaccomplished genius, poet, scientist or just good lad, father, brother, son, friend who didn't chicken out and came here in this shithole of a place called Chechnya and, may be, to his last moment, didn't even realised what the hell happened to him. When your boots slip on the bloody mucus, then the important thing is to think of nothing, and concentrate on only one objective: survive, survive and save your men. Because those you'd lose will come to you in your dreams. Count your blessings. Happy New Year.
As for what I wrote expressly for New Year's Eve but never got around to uploading because it all seemed so lame, pathetic and whiney after reading that story about the war in Chechnya. If you do want to read it, it's here. Sometime in January I'll post stats about this site. |
