ante diem viii kalends june 2003 c.e. One of the first times that I realized I was getting old was about five years ago. I was at my father's shop late one night avoiding my mother and went to see if there were any new Playboys. Yes, there was a new Playboy but what caught my eye was not the young woman on the cover but "RAY BRADBURY INTERVIEW". I thought "Hot damn, Ray Bradbury!" and then realized I was getting old. What about tits? What about writhing female flesh? Some guy with a nostalgic and somewhat hokey style gets interviewed and suddenly your day is made when you have god's greatest gift of pornography in your hands? I read the Ray Bradbury interview and it was good and then I flipped through the party jokes to groan at how old they are and how my father was going to repeat them ad infinitum to his customers. I felt old today. One of the sites I go to now is the wannabe camwhores site because I can only get interested in amateur stuff. Screw that posed, fake crap that is totally devoid of lust and full of dopey dumb broads pointing their tongues at the important parts rather than actually doing something. The human tongue is like a samurai sword. If you take it out of its sheath you damn well better draw blood and if you're a dopey pornstar sticking out your tongue you better jam that puppy deep into the steaming meat wallet just four fragrant inches from your face. There's this one chick who always gets naked and when I check her history she's spread out with a dildo lodged in her snatch and it's in so deep that she can taste it. Today her most current picture was of her washing her dishes. No, she wasn't naked. There was nothing lewd or crude about the act. Just some chick washing her dishes and looking out the window and I felt that image was far more compelling than any sexual gymnastics performed by chubby camwhores who would wither and die without the pathetic and desperate guys who rub their egos by constantly paypalling and emailing them with "WANNA MEET 4 REEL??? WBS K TNX BYE" What are those little things on the windowsill? Is she using the same dishwater for rinsing and washing the plates and silverware? The little red spivak on my left shoulder said, "You're old" and laughed like Butthead. What made me feel better was when I checked the Favorite Pics link to her site and saw her giving a blowjob to a guy who has the smallest fucking dick I have ever seen. He's smaller than mine! Good lord I'm Johnny Wadd compared to this dope. Welp, so much for the camera adding ten pounds! My laughter drowned out the snide comments of the little red spivak on my left shoulder saying "At least he's getting his dick sucked by a naked girl." Mayonnaises At work there are a couple of customers with Italian last names but they've anglicized them. Ricci, which is pronounced "richey", becomes "rickey" among many others. That really rubs my rhubarb. Yet I take comfort in the fact that these folks are eating their gravy out of a jar on Sunday night. Maybe they're Jews pretending to be Italian. It's a sport out in Jersey to find the Jew pretending to be an Italian.