Prickle-Prickle, Discord 11th, yC 3169 Well, I have returned to processing loans again. My department manager seems to be upset that I am back in processing for some unspoken reason and the general manager has given me a condition of handing all my uncompleted apps to her at the end of the day. Plus in the breakroom there's a pad of applications with a note stating that there will be hiring going on in the next thirty days. Part of me is looking forward to Sunday's paper and the other part is being rational with "They just moved the department manager's daughter over to some management position, the other chick's going over to the auto title department and we've been short handed ever since the fat chick was let go from the company." Of course the former is heard while the other one talks with that meek, henpecked voice from Warner Brothers cartoons. My car door is finally fixed and I can exit my car like a human instead of scooting over the middle thing and almost being raped by the stick shift. Unfortunately I almost tried getting out the side door again. Habits are hard to break. One thing I do know is if my Big Plans do not pan out I should definitely use the money for education so I can get a better job because having no contacts out here in Colorado and a mediocre resume has led to jobs which will only serve to diminish my job potential. My current job is just for the money. Even that is not enough considering the fact that I just save and barely spend any cash. I want to be able to save money and spend it on myself and on my friends. I want to take computer science and English courses. I know what I want to do, I just have to get there. Upcoming milestones are the date when I was terminated from MCI followed by completing my first year at this place. I am crossing my fingers so they pass without bad news. Thankfully once April begins I will only have to wait until May 13th and be done with these mile markers. This Subhead Intentionally Left Blank One thing bugs me. I've stopped making wishes. This realization came to me at lunch while watching the other diners out of the corner of my eye. One table caught my eye where some middle aged guy was eating with these two hot chicks who were sixteen if they were a day. There was no family resemblance between them so I figured he was just smooth hanging out in the high school parking lot picking up jailbait. Okay that's mean since lately I've been putting all kids of a certain age and look into the category of park rat. Usually when I'd see this kind of situation I'd think "Why not me?" ignoring the cartoon devil on my left shoulder saying "Because you're fat and hairy, that's why not you." I just couldn't get myself to the point where I could visualize myself in that kind of situation or think of the byzantine legal contract I'd forge to enable my wish with a genie thereby avoiding the Twilight Zone Clause where I get what I want but it goes horribly awry with the intent of making me wish I never wished for it in the first place. I feel this goes hand in hand with my current inability to remember my dreams in any measurable detail. I know in the past I could remember lots of details in all their Dunsanian splendor except for most conversations but now I'm left with vague feelings evoked during those evening escapes. Is it depression? Is it about me becoming mundane? Am I growing up? If it's the latter, am I becoming like my father or grandfather or will I end up being my own adult? Plus I haven't had a great creative drive lately. The last time that I truly felt creative was at the end of January where I revamped the site with the newspaper schtick. That kinda feeling is like being in love and I look forward to it, buoyed by inspiration and a desire to show my creations to other people in hopes that they experience joy. For fear of being melodramatic and making my site even more unreadable for my scant audience I must say that lately I haven't been feeling like I'm in love with anyone. Well, okay, Spot. I tell her that I love her every morning before I leave for work. If I'm lucky and she's not playing the chase-me game then I'll pick her up and nuzzle her belly and sniff her nose in case my words aren't completely understood. I'm sure that I feel that way, like I'm not in love, because of my monastic lifestyle where I work all day until I come home to sleep but not before spending at least four hours online flooding a chatroom with inane banter and checking my mail every 123 seconds in hopes that someone hasn't forgotten me. If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say, Talk About The Weather It's rainy in Colorado Springs. Despite the fact that the days are slowly growing longer I'm under the illusion that nighttime is coming quicker for some reason. Last night was especially dark even with a quarter moon high in the late evening sky. Funnily enough dawn seems rather abrupt. I like the rain, I like having a reason to carry an umbrella. I miss the kind of rain where I could sit in the car late at night and listen to the millions of raindrops play the roof like a drum for hours on end.