Pungenday, Discord 5th, yC 3169 It doesn't have to be good, it just has to be daily The other night I was reading Peep Show by Joe Matt which collects his autobiographical single page strips that have appeared in anthologies back when black and white underground comics were in vogue. What amused me was the fact that if I had more confidence in my drawing abilities and had the stamina to draw and derive pleasure from it for continued motivation my comics would be a lot like his comics. The same depreciation, the same polishing of my character and tarnishing others for the sake of entertainment and expressing my perceptions of events and singular moments of honesty. I stopped collecting comics in the mid nineties because all the comic shops were closing or migrating back to only selling four color superhero fare. The other influence on my declining interest in comics is the fact that the titles that I loved were put out quarterly or worse because the creators had day jobs or just couldn't be bothered to do much else when they weren't smoking weed, masturbating or living lives of quiet desperation on welfare. This reinforced my desire to be on schedule, to be reliable when creating something and only missing out on updating or creating only if I had a Damn Good Reason. Anyway, I digress. One strip, actually one panel, summed up my current unhappiness. Joe Matt's girlfriend screams at him after he spent the entire page bitching about how he hates living in Montreal. "WELL IT'S BETTER THAN BEING THE NEUROTIC MESS YOU ARE !! YOU'RE NEVER SATISFIED WITH ANYTHING !! WHY DON'T YOU JUST ADMIT THE REASON YOU DON'T LIKE IT HERE IS BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS !!!" It's true. I have no friends here, present company excluded. It is very hard for me to make friends because I'm difficult, very judgemental and withdrawn to the point that people think I'm giving them a "fuck off and die" attitude. In my more brooding moments I feel like the friends that I had back in Jersey were just my friends because I was friends with Brian and just part of that package. Of course this diminishes me, other people's feelings (if they are genuine feelings) and does some fucked up victim crap that I want to avoid yet it runs through my head now and again.