6/2/09
Due to a local thunderstorm near the fashionably downtown offices of heptapod.org, the editor in chief and his associated feline staff were unable to upload last night's post.

We humbly beg your forgiveness. Also request delicious treats. Preferably temptations.

So are you sick of me talking about Lee being the best damned thing since sliced milk?

Fuck you.

You're going to hate heptapod.org (moar liek hateapod amirite?) even more upon the announcement of Lee becoming Photography Editor of the least-read website on the internet.

With all the times we've spent together in person I've been impressed by her capacity to take pictures of something I'd take for granted but once I see it in context I'm floored by the message. Plus her camera's doubleplusbetter than my camera or she just knows how to take pictures. Meanwhile I'm still waiting for the photos from our Memorial Day visit.

Akshuly she didn't but I was thunderstruck by the voicemail she left me on Monday afternoon that I felt it needed to be shared here at heptapod.org. She thinks in the same way that I think, gentle reader, and as I listened to her my brain exclaimed "She's writing for heptapod.org and doesn't even fucking know it!"
Also it goes into a little more depth regarding yesterday's blurb.

It's Monday and it's 6:30 and I'm driving down to the beach right now. Had to clean and do work and send out resumes. After what I told you last night we really were meant to be together and I know this deep down in my heart. I think that if you hadn't of taken a chance back in December sending me that message and friend request on a marginally-popular social networking site that I would've come around to getting in touch with you.
Your brother-in-law is very close with his aunt and uncle because his parents are... challenging... and I know your brother-in-law's aunt and uncle because my father is the godfather of their son and they are very close too. I know there would've been a time where I would've gone to a get-together at the aunt and uncle's place, seen your brother-in-law and his wife and would've struck up a conversation with them. Of course I'd eventually figure out Woo's maiden name which would've been familiar and I would've asked if she knew you. Believe me, you would've heard from me again no matter what.

I know tomorrow's your big day and I hope you get lots of good sleep and learn how to tie a tie along with good luck by starting my sugared drink ban (uh, I thought it was just soda. I can still have juice no?). Now I did call you during your shower last night and called again but didn't leave a message because you had that thunderstorm and probably went to bed already. So I'll be at my mom and dad's place at the shore with an early start cleaning up the place then hanging out with my dad for the rest of the day until coming home on Wednesday.

Funny thing is that as Lee was ending her message she reached the limit for the length of a voicemail and it disconnected her anyway.

This is more for Lee's edification but also for you, gentle reader, to explain why I use that honorific.

Back in college I contributed comics and for some reason the closet-case pegging fan of a managing editor said I was going to be Arts & Graphics editor. Who was I to argue with the appointment? One of the news contributors was a guy by the name of George. I think he also wrote opinion too. Anyway there was a piece he wrote where he addressed the reader as "Good Reader" which was a source of lulz at the time. During those late Tuesday nights before going to press we'd address each other "Good Reader" using our outside voices.

I kinda have that in mind when I use 'gentle reader'.

On the gripping hand I remember seeing Miss Manners in the Star-Ledger. She'd address her audience as gentle reader which always made me think "What a fucking tool." Since I think it's funny to be a tool and I still smile when I think about "Good Reader!" the phrase has been incorporated into heptapod.org's oeuvre.