It's fucking 2008. Doesn't that fucking wake you up? Wednesday I saw my first license plate with the orange 2009 registration sticker which means 2010 is right around the corner followed by 2012. For a minute I felt like I had been in a daze the past five years and the sun finally pushed through the clouds. I am in my future and continue to immerse myself in that future until I inevitably drown.
What the hell? What have I done with my life? What will I do with my life?
One thing that fascinates and frustrates me is the fact that with the onset of night I slowly become crazy, anxious and paranoid. Once I go to bed and have a few hours of sleep I'll wake up feeling right as rain unable to understand what demons were haunting me the previous night.
Lately I've been a very light sleeper much to my dismay. I'm waking up at sixish, sometimes waking up around threeish to move my bowels. Now I'm just guessing at the time since I rarely look at any timepieces in my apartment.
I think what's waking me up are my arms falling asleep under my bulk.
Maybe I need a new mattress. Perhaps I need a new bed?
I was heading to the woods along the Rahway river where I used to play as a kid. As I stumbled down the overgrown path towards the big pipe outlet there was a bright light behind me. Turning around I could see the light slowly fading from the sky as smoke rolled towards all the horizons. Something big had been detonated nearby but when I reached the street my old neighborhood was still standing, untouched by the explosion. Looking up towards the old house I saw a small thing flying out of a window. It blinked bright white against the dark sky and the slender oak tree in front of my old home.
In my hand I had a coin and I had an overwhelming desire to throw it at the bug but the back of my head said that if I did that then the explosion would happen for real devastating everything rather than causing a mindfuck.
