8/14/08
I really miss the company of dogs. I finished up my current SF anthology and reread the last paragraph of "Preempted" and was touched by the tale. While riding home from work I started to get misty eyed thinking about Ben and Sunny because of that story.

For those of you playing along at home Ben and Sunny were two dogs who shared their lives with me.

Saddest days with those dogs were when Ben would have his seizures, the day Ben was neutered and hearing about how the big bear couldn't get up and the only thing the veterinarian could do was euthanize him.

Sunny, how I miss him. He really was my pal and I'm pretty sure that comes with the fact that we were the same age when we became acquainted with each other. Saddest moments was hearing my mother say that "Sundance" is a stupid name and renamed him "Sunshine" but everyone still called him Sunny. The day Sunny got neutered, those last few days where I carried Sunny in my arms wrapped in a pink afghan because he just couldn't walk anymore because of a tumor on his spine. I'm still glad that I wasn't the one who took him to the vet when he got the final shot.
Of course there's that horrible time when I forgot I had let Sunny out, went to school, fucking blizzard hit two hours later and he was howling because I abandoned him. I remember going through my father's chest of drawers seeing if I could find the gun he put to my head when I was five years old so I could fucking kill myself for breaking Sunny's trust like that. On a lighter note, a few years later I was locked out of the house during a blizzard. I was a bit more fortunate because I was able to break into the garage but the cold was far too bitter for me. Sunny watched me through the patio door from the comfort of the den and wagged as I tried to get inside the house.

Right now I just feel old and fat, more content to sit at the computer than go outside and run and play knowing the true measure of my world is how far a dog can get from me before running back and asking with those innocent eyes, "What's holdin' you up?" Spot's weight in my lap and her head under my chin gives me solace but I reckon I wish I could feel my youth one more time. My youth before I threw it all away making myself into a fatass and rending this poor stressed armature into a state of uselessness.

Please don't think that I believe pets are simply convenient repositories for awful, awful memories. Just that those memories are the ones that hurt so much, that cut so deep and never seem to fucking heal even after twenty years. Even when I make a point of not fingering the wound, not picking at the scab and leaving it covered in the vain hope it will finally heal but in the end the scar remains tender as if it had only healed over with the film of a soap bubble rather than tough, pink scar tissue.

I'm not inclined to share those good memories with you, gentle reader. Know that I love you and hold you dear but if I do reveal those memories to you then most assuredly they will not live up to your expectations and the memories will become just a little dimmer because I shared them rather than treasuring watching Sunny jump off the porch and bolt into the woods only to come back completely filthy hours later or the glorious sound of my mother shrieking as she was yanked off her feet and dragged through two backyards by big powerful Ben bear.

No, it's not greed that drives Lucas to destroy our cherished childhood memories of one of the most seminal films ever made. It's his pride. He simply refuses to believe he's as awful of a filmmaker as he really is, and stuff like Clone Wars is the result.

Seriously this is the best quote regarding George Lucas I have ever read.

Geological estimates from 2003 state that areas off the coast of California could contain the largest amount of unexploited oil and gas - 8 billion barrels and 344 billion cubic metres respectively. But governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has pronounced himself firmly against drilling, and leases would have to be issued with his approval.

Dude.

Fucking, dude.

If Schwarzenegger was smart he could pressure the feds to stop raiding medical marijuana dispensaries by saying he'd allow offshore drilling. Also Schwarzenegger could also smoke a roach during a live teleconference because he got a prescription due to being diagnosed with a deviated septum or Assburgers's syndrome. then flips off the Feds while saying "It's legal here and I decriminalized it in California."

The break room was cleaned up by Sourpuss who asked me to take out the garbage. As I was coming back around the building I saw a pigeon laying in the parking lot. Someone had hit the poor bird. Picked up the poor beast with my bare hands, the bird was still warm, laid him under my tree and went back inside to wash my hands.

I don't fucking believe people. Shit like this only serves to enflame my desire to hurt humanity until it cries out for release and watching the whole of our species whimper and die.

Wednesday night I went to the buffet to celebrate still working and persevering to earn more money. First thing I noticed was the fact that the moon was nearly full which made me stop and wonder what the hell?

Where is the time going?

Bad enough when I get up to cycle to work everything's a deep electric blue rather than full of the reds, oranges and golds which were the sun's heralds. Time goes by so fast.

Right now I don't know where to stop and enjoy the moment.