For those of you who deign to sully your eyes with my LiveJournal this is completely unrelated to a recent and relatively mild diatribe.
Last week I received an application from a gentleman named Bill. I'm calling him that because I've forgotten his name and let's keep things as anonymous as possible. The application was unremarkable except it listed him as being a truck driver. As a processor I have to figure out of someone is a local or over the road driver since the company has lost lots of money to over the road drivers.
Funny thing about over the road drivers is that 5% of their applications are actually submitted by the person on the application! The other 95% are from their wives. For security purposes we never, ever speak with third parties regardless of who they are or if the customer says it's okay.
Next I noticed that the email address given was "sexyjane6969@somefreeemail.info". Processors now have to pend applications with emails that are obviously not the customer to ensure the applicant is applying not a third party. As I began looking up the customer's work number I discovered that it was a cellphone listed to a Jane with the same surname as Bill. Seconds later I had the proper work number which was called first.
"Hello, Next Day Truckin'!"
"Hi, I'm looking for Bill."
"Oh, he don't work here no more. The state revoked his license for child support."
Boy did I feel bad for that poor bastard. I hope the other companies who ape Usury, Inc. notice such shenanigans and prevent his, presumably, former wife from making his life even worse.
A situation such as this only serves to underscore the fact that I am always suspicious when Spouse A is supposedly the applicant and Spouse B is the only one anyone can talk to because Spouse A is overseas, out of state or they're never home. Also this situation supports the rule excluding third parties from participating on an application at Usury, Inc.. Most likely this is the most scrupulous rule enforced at work.
You got it, chief! Even when I don't announce myself as being Haakon Studebaker a representative of Usury, Inc. I'm told the damnedest things. Mostly from customers but there are a few employers, mostly small businesses, who will unnecessarily dish dirt on a former employee.
A girl standing about six foot tall with short brown hair and red streaks came in and flopped onto a nearby bunk bed. I went back to fucking around on the computer but I kept feeling her eyes on me. Eventually the back of my brain started telling me that breaking the mirror caused this chick to fall in love with me. She wasn't beautiful but even in waking life I would've hit it since I don't have anything against a female with meat on her bones. Now I'm not saying she was six feet tall and six feet wide but I imagined if I did her doggy-style there'd be some tummy hanging down along with those fat tits packed into that two-sizes too small red t-shirt.
As the dream progressed I learned she used to be a lesbian but once she became victim to this spell or curse she no longer needed the tang of tuna under her nose. When she put her arms around my shoulders and pressed her chin against my head her dyke girlfriend stormed into the room.
Ducking out of the ruckus I escaped into the hallway. A convention was well underway and I didn't know the theme or any of the attendees. One thing that stood out was a large, blue electric fan in front of the neighboring suite's door blowing cold air into the room.
