September 2007

9/14/07
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
It's a trick question. Feminists never change anything.

What's the difference between Madeline McCann and jokes about her disappearance?
The jokes will get old.

THANK YOU, I'LL BE HERE ALL WEEK! DON'T FORGET TO TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND DON'T FORGET TO TIP YOUR WAITRESS. COME BACK FOR THE 10 P.M. SHOW BUT LEAVE THE KIDS AT HOME BECAUSE THINGS GET A LITTLE BLUE

okay

When I have time, I have shitloads of stuff to waste heptapod.org's bandwidth.

Idle hands and all that nonsense, eh wot?

definition

Capitalism is the illusion of poverty.

first spouse

As you may or may not know, there is a program in place to increase the circulation of the $1 coins. For the next fortysomething years a coin will be minted featuring a President of the Republic of the United States of America. In addition to the Presidential $1 Coin Act, a $10 gold coin will be issued featuring their respective First Lady of the Republic of the United States of America.

The wording of the law uses the term "First Spouse" because there might be a woman elected to the Presidential Office of the Republic of the United States of America or there might be a homosexual who ends up heading the Executive Branch of the Republic of the United States of America in the capacity of President. Considering the upcoming 2008 Presidential race I'm sure conspiracy theorists will claim that the decision has already been made and the ensuing election will be a sham of a mockery of a sham installing Bill Clinton's wife in the Oval Office.

I can only comment with "HA HA HA OH WOW".

cheater cheater cheater

Grover Cleveland is a cheater. He's going to have TWO coins issued since he was President of the Republic of the United States of America twice on non-consecutive occasions.

bah

I feel like an idiot right now. Thirty minutes before falling asleep on Monday night I wrote down an entire Dungeons and Dragons-esque adventure for a humans-only game. I hate the term "fantasy" because it always puts me in mind of fucking porn.

At the very most it'd take four sessions to complete the story, each session being a single chapter. Even if it's just a four hour session broken up by two smoke breaks. Plus I invented a super cool monster that isn't the boss monster.

On the bright side, at least I used up some creative energy and did something constructive during my vacation.

in yer dreams

My time machine was an old red Mustang which sent me back to the eighties. While wandering around an office suite that looked like something which belonged to Gordon Gecko. What surprised me was running into Samuel Clemens who was stepping out of a bathroom.

He had been expecting me and wanted to learn more about the futuristic year of 1968. Now I was completely unsure about the timeframe. There was an internet, there were computers capable of running video files but something seemed very retro as if it was a set of cliches of the twentieth centurie cobbled together by someone from the far future.

So we went out to the final game of the 1968 world series at Fenway Park where historical reports claimed the Red Sox won for the first time in a century. Before we went, Mr. Clemens shaved off his mustache so he could go incognito.