Mischief Night
Jaybird thinks this is the gayest fucking name for October 30^th. Of course he spent time in Detroit where it was a city holiday to burn down one's neighborhood to fight the power. Over in Michigan and other parts of the country it's known as Devil's Night.

Last night the pain in my mouth subsided and I was able to get my federally mandated eight hours of sleep after reading a few more chapters of Children of God by Mary Doria Russell.

On Monday the pain was excruciating but I muddled through and bore it like a soldier. I have an appointment at 10 a.m. on Saturday to get this looked at and probably get two more teeth yanked out of my head. My first stop before getting home was Walgreens where I got some super-powered topical oral anasthetic which is sooo good. I'll be living on this shit for the next four days.

Monday was the first day I have ever seen a black widow in person or in spider. I've seen a bunch in books but I've never encountered one for real. The spider made her home on a corner by a window and you really have to look to spot her. She was pretty big for a tiny, spindly spider and the red blot on her abdomen was visually striking. Anyway I let her be because I had no quarrel with her.

On my second break I went outside and saw that her web was gone and most likely she had been crushed by some idiot fucking human. What the fucking hell is with people? Yes her venomous bite can kill a grown human being but if you leave well enough alone then the spider will leave you in peace. Anyway I was furious and I still am furious about the situation.

I am sick and tired of constantly proving that I am a liar. Every interaction I have with other people I'm always on the defensive and anticipating an accusation that I am a liar. This constant feeling of guilt because I allow other people to have the upper-hand with their dealings with me is irrational and pathological.

I know this is a learned behavior.

Shit, most times when someone approaches me about something and I state chapter and verse then give state's evidence proving I was not involved I always fucking fear they're going to pull a hail mary and say "LULZ GILLTY" because I had forgotten something or they're framing me because it's the path of least resistance.

Monday evening I called Aardvark-Vanaheim to ask about The Last Day. I got a voicemail and left a message for Mr. Sim. Not that I think I'll hear back but maybe it'll get mentioned at his blog or on the Yahoo Cerebus group. Only thing is that Sim doesn't have email and one must correspond via snailmail to reach him. Of course I've read that whenever folks have called to order some of the trade paperbacks they've mentioned that Dave actually took the order so I figured what the hell.

I just think it's funny that calling Canada is considered an international call.