11/14/07
My books arrived all on the same day. I am quite happy. Right now I have H.P. Lovecraft: A Life, Iain M. Banks's Use of Weapons, Feersum Endjinn and Against A Dark Background.

Did I mention that Banks has a novel coming out in February 2008? Yes, he does and this pleases me.

I went to therapy on Tuesday. So he had me put these buzzy things in my hand and said to relax and let my mind wander around my head. First time I closed my eyes. Nothing really but I felt really stupid holding two buzzy things in my hand.

We talked a bit after that and it was time to do the buzzy things. This time I kept my eyes open and stared at the wall focusing on the tail of a toy dinosaur. First thing that came into mind was an unfortunate incident that occurred with my father in my youth. This is before 92 Evergreen was remodelled and stuff. 92 Evergreen being the first home that I remember as a kid. I remember confronting my father about it and the only thing he could say was "I was a different person then."

Eh.

The third buzzy run was not as productive but my left hand started to feel lighter while my right hand felt like lead.

On the way back to work I started stressing out and getting all anxious to the point I was muttering under my breath like a crazy homeless guy. The rest of work was particularly anxious and when I requested time for my root canal and cleaning on 11/27/07 I felt really anxious like this is something that will be held against me and I'll end up being fired rather than quitting the job.

Right now I think that there's an eighty percent chance of me pursuing a two year degree in mathematics then moving on to physics-slash-astronomy.

Only because math is so black and white, so absolute.

My perception of pursuing English as a major is that it will be very subjective. 60% of the grade being based upon the actual content and creativity while the remainder is based on structure (i.e. grammar, spelling, etc.).

Yeah I'm sure there will be professors who will go "fix this" and "try that" or "correct that bit" but in the end the work will no longer be mine and just become their piece rather than my own. If I want to be ordered around and criticised then I'll go live with my mother again.

Then swiftly commit suicide in front of her in the most violent and messy fashion conceivable.