5/20/07
raddidge hasn't been very communicative the last couple of months. She's been preoccupied with personal issues. My insecurity fuels my anxiety and I start taking it personally which defeats me.

My anxiety is having me question myself for my own good.

Great.

At the moment I think it's because I'm coming across as weak, clingy, emotional, unassertive in addition to other stuff which is purely vanity kinda stuff like my apartment being a mess, disorganized and stuff.

I'm not able to see anything good or find anything that's good that raddidge would want in a relationship with me.

I woke up about 11:30 a.m. on Saturday and I still felt very tired after ten hours of sleep. Since the lab which would do my bloodwork would be closing at noon I decided against riding downtown to get it done. Next Saturday I will have the bloodwork done and hopefully by June have the results regarding cholesterol and other nonsense.

Forgive me, gentle reader, for I have sinned. It has been more than twenty years since my last confession. Lately I've been writing more at LiveJournal than I have been here at heptapod.org.

Now I invest significant money into the maintenance of heptapod.org while LiveJournal is just a free toy with a slight nod towards the concept of social networking. Perhaps it's the attention whore in me. Perhaps I'm just lazy when it comes to marking up my essays, articles and journal entries.

Most likely I'll post that stuff at LiveJournal back here at good ole heptapod.org.

I refuse to say three novinas, twelve hail marys and twelve our fathers.