5/16/07
Worst thing about Monday night? Not being able to sleep. At the moment I really don't have much in the way to cause me stress at night. It's not like when I first came to Colorado Springs, realized that my car insurance from New Jersey was going to lapse and making piss at MCI.

Anyway it reminded me of how staying up late at night can rouse personal demons who really have no teeth. Several times I went to compose emails and then decided not to send them to the recipients. One was sent but it only had the body text of "blah blah blah".

When I got up on Tuesday I realized how ridiculous I was and pushed aside that nonsense.

Still doesn't change that I feel unhappy deep down inside myself.

Over at an anonymous gaming forum there was a thread about Dungeons and Dragons. The original poster asked, "If I want to fuck this sexy medusa does that make me a furry/scalie?"

To which someone responded, "No, it makes you a statue."

The exhaustion from training the skill of strength over at Cassius's place caught up with me. It felt so good to sit on the toilet, lean my head back and stare at the ceiling. Of course I hurt and it's a stitch on my left side, high up near my armpit and along my ribcage. The ache is making me feel mortal.

I came back in the living room, lit only by the laptop screen, and thought that I saw a shadow in front of the light. Heck the shadow looked like it would've been about my size.

In the space of mere seconds before stepping into the living room I thought, "My doppelganger is standing in the living room, leaning over my laptop and when I finally walk into the room he's going to stand up straight and smile at me then say that it's time."

When death comes for you, death always looks like you.

Anyway I'm still here and I'll still be here in the morning.