Stress was getting me, I was muttering "kill you" under my breath all day and nearly snapped. Nearly? Who cares about "nearly". Do they give out a Nobel prize for attempted physics?
Anyway, fuck you.
I did think about going to buy a ticket at Denver International Airport and fly back to New Jersey even if it was just for 24 hours. Of course this would be a remarkably stressful situation because I'd be all tense about wanting to make it back in time for work.
Eventually this idea sublimated into "Leave lots of food out and lots of water for Spot. Hop in the car. Drive north and turn around sometime Sunday morning and get back before 11 p.m. on Sunday night. That's when I remembered that I really, really need to get an oil change.
Reckon I'll just stay home and play Lumines Plus while listening to My Bloody Valentine and ignoring the rest of the world while I regenerate in my symbolic womb. Also do a spot of cleaning up around the place. At the moment I'm overjoyed that raddidge hasn't come around in some time because she would be aghast.
Shit, I believe this little plot device went over well with the players!
maribou remarked that I put way too much effort into it. I felt like I skimped but the players were impressed which makes me happy.
For those of you playing along at home, baked soy sauce on paper makes excellent dried blood.
Trust me.
Plus the roleplaying became quite intense and I figured I needed to call for a break and give everyone a hug so everyone was okay. Just that maribou and elmgrows were like "We're fine! Our characters are the upset ones!"
Q: Did humans always poop and fart?
A: No. It is generally agreed that before the Fall from Grace, the digestive systems of human beings were perfect machines. When we ate food and drank liquids, our bodies were able to process all of the material with perfect efficiency, leaving no waste products to be removed. However, after Eve ate from the Tree of Knowledge, humans lost their perfection. Part of this process included the digestive system losing its ability to process food with 100% efficiency. Shortly after the successful temptation of Eve by Satan, over 6,000 years of human pooping and farting began.
Q: What about peeing?
A: Peeing is an excretory function and is just as immoral as pooping and farting.
Q: Why are the sexual organs used to pee?
A: To reinforce the evils of sex. If we are mindful of the fact that peeing is awful and immoral, then we are also mindful of the fact that other activities that involve the same organs are also awful and immoral. The Lord does not want these organs exposed to anybody (not even to yourself) and He certainly does not want them inserted into anybody, unless it can be demonstrated that a child is the intended result. Pursuant to this, it is necessary to remind each and every one of God's children that pooping, peeing, and sex are all evil, as are the sexual organs.
Q: If I am in church and I have to poop, what should I do?
A: Hold it! The fact that some misguided denominations have installed toilets in their churches does not mean that those toilets should be used! Can you imagine how impudent it is to sit down and void your bowels in a house of the Lord? Again, we must be very clear about this: We all poop, and there is no avoiding this. However, we are not mongrels with no control over our bodily functions! If you have to poop, fart, or pee, then hold it until you are in the privacy of your own home and there are no negative moral ramifications to your excretory actions!
We believe that toilets should be removed from all churches. If a voluntary request is not enough to make this happen, then we would support federal legislation banning certain types of plumbing from within 30 cubits of a church.
Q: When should I tell my children about pooping?
A: Well, obviously, they start doing it the day that they are born. They don't have to be taught how to do it. But there does come a time when children have to be taught about the immorality of pooping, farting, and peeing. Most experts suggest that the age of 6 or 7 is a good time for this lesson. This is the time when most children are apt to start experimenting with "pull my finger" games and other forms of Satanism.