Standing and watching my piss hit the side of the toilet then swirling to the left until it meets the water raising hundreds of bubbles. I was deep in thought while hypnotized by one of my most basic functions. Upon completion I discover that I'm housesitting for the Birds while they're out somewhere doing something without me. Like a bad neighbor and guest I'm rummaging through Jaybird's collection throwing games behind me but none of them capture my fancy. Plus the games don't look like something I'll be able to finish before they come home wondering who made such a mess in the basement.

Now the concept of games is insufficient and now I need porn. Delicious porn. Chicks doing the reverse cowgirl. Heavy swaying tits glazed with a zesty sheen of sweat. A poor woman's face full of spurt while her tongue waggles like an anglerfish. The drive for porn brings me back upstairs where I'm greeted by the flashing blue and red of cops. Peeking out the window there's Bob Marley being hefted onto a stretcher, his dreads heavy with blood as the policeman draws the white sheet over his face. Cliff Burton is face down in the street. Dark liquid is pooling and cooling underneath him while reflecting lamplight. Funny while I was dreaming I couldn't remember Cliff Burton's name but when I started taking notes (7/26/07 7:33 a.m. on Yampa) I could recall the name like I could recall the name of a certain large and brown labrador retriever.

After the excitement I went back downstairs where I was greeted by a high school party. All the kids were Russian, their clothes were a one-off mockery of the late eighties and everyone was holding a blade. I shoulder my way through the crowd and sit down in front of my laptop. A bunch of punks come along talking at me with their slurred moonspeak. The small one in a bright blue denim jacket wielding two knives made from sheet metal in metal shop decided to stand right behind the monitor while jiggling the power cord. Each time he pulled he'd laugh with his friends waiting for me to go berserk. I was already past that point but the idea of getting stabbed to death made me keep my cool.

For about five minutes.

The sorrow of obesity is thinner folk usually outrun fatties. This little shit's luck held out but the crowds were on my side. While he had to squeeze and shoulder his way past the mob I just lunged forward parting them like a three hundred pound Moses. My hand grabbed his wrist yanking him from the prospect of escape. Sure he stabbed and slashed at me but I learned a lesson. Once you actually do something rather than sit around all day fretting over the consequences life gets a whole lot easier. Couldn't say the same for this little soviet scumbag because I broke every bone in his face along with both of his wrists with my fists. No one stopped me, their eyes looked accusingly at the punk saying "You brought it on yourself, kid."

That's when I remember that I needed to look something up and that required me to load up the loan processing program from Usury, Inc.. Much to my chagrin it's not on my laptop. Heck I don't even know if I can log into my account from home. Now the party's breaking up and in their youthful wake I see the foundation for my wake should the Birds come home and even think I was involved in making this mess.

Making my way home through the numerous alleyways of the neighborhood I stumbled past a dilapidated house. Only one window showed any sign of life because it was brightly lit and a bare leg and foot were draped out the window.

AND NOW SPIVAK GOES TO BED TO FINISH WRITING THIS IN THE MORNING 7/27/07 12:08 A.M..

7/27/07 11:20 A.M. GOT UP AT 10:19 A.M. AND FINALLY GOT AROUND TO THIS.

I put my hand on her knee and she raises her other leg in the air and I lean in to see a woman with dark hair and red streaks laying on a faded bedspread in a yellow room. "Remember me?"

Honestly? No even though my dick wanted me to say yes. "No"
"I'm Onaugh. Remember I sent you that book on Abramelin the Mage and told you all about the fae." I never met her but I spoke with her a lot many, many years ago on AOL. There was one time back in the summer of 1994 where she told me that she would drive down from Massachusetts, pick me up and drive me back there. Never happened and when I called her to see what was going on I reached her angry husband (lol) who said he was going to blow my head off with a shotgun if I ever called there again.

The creature that lay spread eagled before me cooling her feet in the midnight air was nothing like the description given to me all those years ago. Instead of some dishwater anglo chick this creature's skin was not pasty white but more olive skinned, her eyes were dark brown, wide like anime with the stereotypical small mouth yet the proportions were more realistic than cartoonish.

I only remember that the rest of the morning I was laying on my stomach with a boner for about two hours.