Here's what happens every morning in my wee apartment.
Around six-ish, Spot jumps into my bed and settles down to warm her bones on my fat legs.
This will rouse but not wake me. My slumber, being disturbed, resets my brain and then the same fucking thing plays out in my head.
I'm in a white room with huge windows. Sunlight floods the room. Every single morning it's a different girl on all fours. Okay maybe it's not all fours since one of her hands is on the ground. The other hand is between her legs "spreading her pink" or so goes the lingo. What else is there to do but take pictures?
The past couple of days I've been thinking one of my arteries is severly clogged and it's only two minutes to midnight until the big one. Icy Hot alleviates some of the pain.
Yet the pain persists, jabbing me in the side when I breathe or belch or hiccough.
Wednesday night I was called on still bearing a grudge after five years. My response was unspoken because I've learned not to speak with certain people. There's no reason to give up a grudge without an apology. Sadly this leads to the impression that I constantly think about the individuals and considering past actions those folks would be entitled to those beliefs. Right now I only think about Cynthia, Spot and myself.
The nature of the event? That's for me to know and you to imagine. Despite being a loquacious person with an inflated sense of importance I am learning to keep my fool mouth shut.
My lesson was simple, I am self-destructive. Dangerously self-destructive. Fortunately I'm realizing that I have certain things in my life which enrich my life and make it worth living.
Everytime I hear her say that, I'm always thinking she's simply giving a prelude to the day that she leaves me behind because I'm a deeply flawed, hateful and angry human being who is antithetical to her Taoist and other eastern philosophies.
Yet when I bring it up, raddidge gives me the silent treatment or gets exasperated and exclaims, "What do you want me to say?"
In the end, I feel useless.
