Tuesday I went to the general manager and told her how I discovered I received a bonus on my paycheck. In my left pocket was a $200 wad of twenties and my checkbook. As I was pulling out my checkbook I said, "I want to make sure that we're even" she smiled and said, "I authorized it. Don't worry. It's your money. You bonused."
Jaybird agrees with my analogy that I'm like a battered wife with a guilty, abusive husband who buys me jewelry after blackening both of my eyes. Thing is, the money is good. The job requires little of me as a human being. I go home and I have my life to myself.
Of course that's another story. Back in Jersey I'd work, when I had work, and come home to the tension of my parents's house. My therapist was right, each time I entered that house I became a scared eight year old rather than maintaining my adulthood that is my face for the world and standing up to my mother.
Anyway later that day while she was handing out the W2s, she commended me on my honesty and apparently I'm back in good graces with a respectable reputation.
Now I have to pay off my car sometime in 2007, get some cash on the side and look for work and work my way up the ladder once again. Once I have the albatross of my car loan off my back I'll feel free once again. Plus I'd be able to save mad money.
Jaybird genuinely likes the game which means something to me. maribou likes the game a lot but I figure she likes anything to make people happy. Cue one miffed email from maribou saying "I'm totally not like that, dude". The fact that elmgrows likes the game, he's the only veteran in the group, rubs my ego.
Unfortunately Jaybird is so into the game he wants to know everything. More unfortunately I really feel that sometimes when I give a vague hint or I do a poker face and change the subject that it's giving him clues and cues for the upcoming game leaving out the surprises.
I need to leave my ego at home. I need to exercise more caution and reserve when it comes to discussing my Asbury Park.
Now I'm not complaining about my players. I love them. They're the whole reason why my game is happening and the whole reason why I'm telling this long-winded story for them. Right now I'm just trying to get my thoughts together.
Shit, half the time I have decent ideas for plots or I will expand on the background of various non-player characters (NPCs) and deep down I want to tell them right there, right then, in no uncertain terms "LOOK WHAT I DID INNIT COOL" rather than savoring it and letting them discover and interpret for themselves.
Doesn't help that I had a few more ideas about the game on Tuesday.
