October 2006

10/24/06
On Monday I burned myself out at work. Meh.

h_ll_w__n

There exists a small circle of trees somewhere in the Rocky Mountains, completely unremarkable from the outside, but just inside no sun or star ever shines. Rumor has it that anyone that can spend three pitch black days and nights within the grove without going mad will be greeted with the queer sight of the sun rising in the west on the beginning of the forth day, filling the grove with radiant light. One wish may be made before this sun, and it shall be fulfilled. However, once that person makes the wish, the world outside the grove shall forever be as dark for them as it had been inside for those three days.

prelude

Last night's dream ended up having a positive effect upon my life. For this I am grateful that my subconscious or some outside agency has enabled me to get a grasp on various things which have been haunting and disturbing me for the past handful of years.

Sometimes I get really bad urges. Maybe if I wanted to tell you about the urges you'd just shrug and say "That's stupid" or "Everyone has those" but it's personal to me. Instead of sitting down and trying to deal with things, I'd just ride the wave and hope that I wouldn't end up doing anything stupid.

While driving home from work, talking to myself about last night's dream, I realized that the dream had triggered a profound change in my sense of self. With hindsight I don't believe it has been conquered but I've been given a significant advantage towards taking control of myself and my life.

After all this preamble, you'll read the dream and think "WTF STFU" because it's a non-sequitor.

Basically I couldn't understand the man in my dream but in waking life I had an understanding which led to a minor epiphany.

Basically, I'm able to let go.

Yet that doesn't mean I have to forgive.

In Yer Dreams

There I was wandering around a park in the middle of the night in the middle of an unnamed city that may or may not exist in the waking world. Sitting on a picnic table was a rumpled and wrinkled old Polish man. In his earlier life he was a robust individual who was vigorous and strong but as the life ebbed from his body his skin and clothes sagged and fell into themselves. The old man and the picnic table were under an old fashion iron street lamp. The sphere which would be giving light was made up entirely of sunflowers.

The old man was softly singing to himself. He was accompanied by a motley orchestral of homeless people. Their instruments produced no audible music but there was something which could be felt in the air. Since he was singing in Polish I couldn't understand a single word. So I approached him and asked him what he was singing about and he gave a long monologue in Polish that fascinated me but was incomprehensible. The fact that I could only speak English made me feel stupid.

There's an abrupt scene change and it's daytime.

I'm near a beach behind a chainlink fence standing on a boardwalk. The ocean is startlingly quiet, lapping quietly at the shoreline. My first thought is that there isn't any moon and the tides were a phenomena of the past. When I turn my eyes further out to the ocean a few large waves menacingly rear up but never make it to the shore.