10/12/06
One of the most wonderful and sad parts of life is the fact that change is inevitable.

Part of change is the realization that one can not go home ever again. When one moves, one leaves everything behind and discovers something new. New things are always shiny and catch one's eye and usually one's heart. Upon reflection one will realize the place of one's origin will always be special but there's so much more in the world.

As much as I really miss double Italian hot dogs, rolls with butter in the morning, taylor ham sandwiches Colorado has endeared itself to me. Maybe I've endeared myself to Colorado and it's seducing me into staying here.

Of course Colorado isn't the end-all, be-all of destinations. The next stop could be Alaska, Montana, Washington state or somewhere in New England. Writing this doesn't make it true. Writing this only acknowledges the potential and possibilities available to me or to anyone else.

A long while ago one of the people who worked for my father passed away. I remember reading in the obituary that except for a single trip to Florida the guy had never left the state of New Jersey. Heck I think the obituary insinuated that he never left my father's hometown.

This always struck me as depressing. Sure it's great that someone could love a place so much that they never leave or go further than the fire hydrant on Main Street.

Had I never left New Jersey, I never would've made room for another person to move into the state and get to experience it firsthand. Reckon that when I moved out here, someone had left Colorado and since nature abhors a vacuum Jaybird and maribou invited me to the state.

The invitation has always been important to me. First it meant they really wanted to have my physical company, ifyouknowwhatimean, and to have me as an actual neighbor rather than sharing the same MOO. Secondly upon my arrival I realized the disappointment felt by most Coloradans about the influx of new folks. Heck one can't swing a dead cat in Colorado Springs without hitting someone who's from out of state.

Just like California the immigrants are outnumbering the natives.

Just like the Republic back in the early 19th century, the immigrants are outnumbering the natives.

Being invited makes me special. More so than the folks who threw a dart at a map and chose their destination.

Of course how much does that invitation count since the people who invited me weren't born and bred in the state. Heck raddidge isn't even from Colorado even though she's lived here longer than Jaybird and maribou combined.

Oh the irony.

Finally invitations always mean something to me. When it comes to other people in my life they always have a standing invitation to come down and visit me. Yet I never want to go anywhere uninvited. There have been so many fucking weird situations that I showed up, felt like all eyes were on me to perform or at least give a reason that I should be there and then I'd just sneak away since my head was telling me "They want you to leave."

It takes me a lot of time to get to the point where I can barge in like I own the place. Even if the residents have already told me in no uncertain terms that I'm always welcome in their home. I'll still knock and wait to be let inside.

Reckon I need to get to the point where I take more initiative in and with my life.