TEOTWAWKI - Sic Transit Gloria Monday
I am driven to perform for one reason. I know that I'm not a likeable person and I'm not very personable in the way society wants people to act around others. Overall I'm quiet, withdrawn and really bad speaking with strangers. So my modus operandi is to kick as much ass as possible in addition to being a company tool in order to show that I am a valuable employee who they ought to keep because I'm reliable, dependable and all those other human resources adjectives. Plus there's all the catty bullshit with the other people at work looking down their nose at me because I make them look bad with my productivity. The latter only fuels my productivity.
On Wednesday the department manager told me in confidence, at my desk, that I would be getting an additional $300 on my paycheck for my performance in October. An hour later I receive an IM from the general manager asking me to come upstairs to see her. She tells me that according to the phone logs that she's been reviewing today that I'm not making all my telephone calls.
I know that I call each and every telephone number given to me. Sometimes I'm a bit quick about the calls, one or two rings is sufficient, but I make the calls. The only thing I can think of with twenty-twenty hindsight is that I'm so quick that the upstairs servers can't pick up the fact that I made the call. So I said I did make the calls and she expressed disappointment with me and came within a red cunt hair of outright calling me a liar. Minutes later she informed me that I was suspended and to call her on Monday morning.
What struck me as funny is that I've been the company's darling for four and a half years. I've been consistent, I've been very productive, there have been one or two issues but those issues have never dealt with me wanting to avoid work. Yet the general manager explained that Wednesday, the first of November of all days, was the first time that anyone has ever reviewed my productivity on the phones or with processing.
Huh?
Something fucking reeks and they're not telling me all of the story so I'm not going to tell them the whole story. Paranoia or not, I think that the situation is someone who's part of one of the three families who run the business has it out for me and they want to see me gone for good. In four and a half years, I would've expected to have one or two of these reviews a year to prevent any issues from arising or snowballing to the point that it would be disadvantageous to the company to retain me as an employee.
I don't trust the fuckers at all. Now more than ever.
In short I have had a five day, unpaid, vacation from work. On Thursday and Friday I half-heartedly looked through the classifieds and was disappointed at the prospects. The Gazette only had a half page of employment classifieds on Thursday and Friday. Sunday was a bit better with five pages of employment opportunities. Just gotta remember this isn't New Jersey, there won't be a 30 page section of job opportunities on Sunday and I don't have three newspapers to choose from like the Star Ledger, The New York Times and the Daily News.
On Monday morning I phoned the general manager at 6:30 a.m. per our arrangement and she tried to get me to admit to things that I didn't do and she said she'd have to call me back. Well she called me back to say I'm expected in on Tuesday morning to work and I'm on thirty day sudden death probation.
So I'll just tread carefully for thirty days, do it a little more until the end of the year and I have the first week of January off from work. From there, I'll just keep looking for work and hope that I can finagle a job interview here and there so I can ditch this place.
Right now I'm thinking they don't want to fire me because they don't want me going on unemployment. I have no idea what unemployment in the Centennial State entails for former employers. Plus I'm sure they know November and December are the busiest months and since I'm good at what I do, they'd be left in the lurch if I wasn't around so I'm not too confident they'll have me around during the slow season from February to early May.
Only because they've paid me so well makes me feel better about myself. My time wasn't wasted. Still I don't trust these people and trust is important to me.
At least that's all I lost but it's still annoying. Trimming nosehairs with scissors, even good ones, is a pain in the ass and never gets done right. Okay maybe it gets done right if someone else does it for me but I have standards about those who cut my various hairs.
Please don't confuse Jinx with the ice/psychic pokemon Jynx.
There was a nine foot by nine foot ceramic bunker butted up against the dark trees. The ground was covered in dead needles and snow. I crawled into the bunker feeling really tired. Everywhere there were cobwebs but I didn't see hide nor hair of spiders, insects or nightmares. Since I was so tired, I crawled over to the back corner, pushed dead leaves into a pile and decided to curl up and fall asleep. First time I've ever dreamed about going to sleep. Makes me wonder if it was a subconscious death wish.
While I was circling around like a dog before laying down, a guy crawled into the bunker. He started going on about all the insects in here and knocking down cobwebs. One of the unseen denizens was a large red spider with yellow stripes about the size of an apple. An imperial apple not a metric apple for those of you playing along at home. The next horror that's shooed out of the bunker was a light brown worm covered in tendrils like spaghetti. Its eyes looked human and there were little stumpy caterpillar legs that ended in human hands. Must've been about eight to twelve inches long and five inches in circumference.
Still I was sleepy despite being unnerved at what I nearly avoided, I went to sleep.
When I woke, I was in New Jersey at my parents's house. I had arrived on September 25th and was due to leave on the 29th, a Wednesday, for Colorado. Either because of the passage of time in dreams or simply being absent-minded I had missed the flight back to Colorado. I wasn't that panicked, more annoyed at the thought of buying a plane ticket last minute at a premium to return home to Colorado. The rest of the dream was spent being driven around by my mother and her mother in the hopes of reacing the airport on time.
When I woke for real, I realized that New Jersey represented escapism while Colorado represented my life. I can't stress those two words enough, "my life". I'm living my life for myself not my father or my mother or anyone else. My duty is with me, Spot, raddidge and my beloved family and friends. In that order.
