A little gaming stuff that's not colored for gaming. I was a little disappointed on Friday night that the excursion to see Jaybird and maribou's friends/acquaintances didn't involve auditing their game at all. No sir, we had dinner, said hello to cats and watched the tedium which is Final Fantasy Ecks Eye Eye.
Nextly I have yet to hear anything back from a potential fourth for the biweekly Friday game known as Asbury Park by Night. This bothers me for two reasons. One it'd be nice to have another person in the game which would allow for more flexibility, i.e. someone's sick there's still a quorum for a game. The other troubling reason is that this individual doesn't check email on a regular basis. She's one of those real people who hasn't incorporated the internet into life that it's as important as some people consider cell phones. This makes me feel horribly self-conscious and reflect upon my life wondering if I'm flushing my life down the toilet rather than getting out and doing something, anything in the great big blue room.
Nah.
See with one aspect of my life appearing unstable at the moment, I thought to myself that I should do something that would cement with all certainty another aspect of my life. In short, propose to raddidge.
I stopped myself because it was definitely for the wrong reasons. It would've been my way of assuaging my fears of impermanency in my tiny life. This wouldn't have meant anything because it wouldn't have come from the heart but from whatever organ generates fear. Let's say it's the gall bladder.
When I drove up to see her on Wednesday night I wanted to grab her and hold onto her and have her say that everything will be alright before kissing me on the forehead and patting my rear while saying "Time to go home. I think I hear someone calling your name." Fortunately she was more adult and expressed more compassion than I would've expected and now I can see it with 20/20 hindsight when I was thinking she was being purposefully distant from my situation.
Now is not the time for me to embrace chaos. I spent four and a half years achieving society's standard of adulthood after thirty years of childhood and adolescence. There's no way I'm going to throw away my achievement because of anxiety or panic.
Okay I'm going to stop writing because I need to re-enter my shell of denial and enjoy the next couple of days because Monday is the big day.
Eventually I made it through the back way and found myself in a snowy alleyway somewhere back east. Plus the time changed instantaneously to night. When I turned around the doorway to the food court was gone, replaced with a battered and torn screen door leading into a darkened building. There were five guys in wheelchairs waiting in the snow. There was one empty wheelchair that I appropriated for myself. It wasn't that comfortable but I figure if someone's a paraplegic they're not going to care about where they're sitting in the first place. I stared up into the sky watching the snow wondering if there might be an impromptu game to find out who's not a cripple.
The battered door opened up and it was my father, behind him was his business in full gear. The lights in the building were a golden yellow rather than the glaring fluorescent recessed lights used in waking life. It made me wonder if this is what the inside of buildings looked like with gas lamps before the advent of electricity. He ushered us in, I went in last and he didn't recognize me at first. Soon he realized I was there and said I could use the computer in the back.
As soon as I started it up, it began acting crazy and there were some serious issues with the computer. A series of nine smiley face icons appeared with Woody () underneath them. Within the parentheses were the numbers from one to nine. The interface became more and more unusable until the screen flashed and there was a silvery space ship zipping through space. When I moved the mouse, the ship would respond. Out of the darkness in the background came the Space Cruiser Yamato. Clicking with the mouse would fire laser beams but since the Yamato was significantly larger any damage was negligable. I flew the ship through a port and found myself in the engine room with Dr. Sane running around like crazy drinking his "spring water". He ended up being invulnerable to the laser blasts.
My concentration was broken and I was being called back outside. When I stepped through the door I entered in the first place, now I was in a huge parking garage. My car was nowhere to be found but I still had the little fob and started pressing the buttons until I saw flashing lights. The first car that responded was a huge, black pick-up truck that turned on its high beams that were so bright they were a painful blue. Also its engine roared to life. Further down the aisle a white Cadillac low rider started its engine, playing thumping urban music.
Towards the end I was wandering around my father's hometown and saw that Kinja had jumped off a roof and was breathing her last breath. I told her that I'd still consider doing the Hajj in her place if she didn't do it. Kinja laughed, "They'd never believe a hardcore atheist like you." Funny I was left with the feeling when I woke up on Friday morning that if I hadn't of said that, Kinja would've died in the dream.
