11/17/06
The manic cycle where I was cleaning the kitchen and putting all my ducks in a row has begun to fade. Maybe it's just a cycle. Perhaps it's linked to the lies perpetuated at my job which directly affect me. Right now it's disappointing and I can't get up the ambition for cleaning and stuff.

Maybe on Saturday.

We'll see.

Last year the other top performer at my job had her son working with the company in our department. While I was on vacation, he was fired for one reason or another presumably for being a fuckup.

He's back and he's a trainee which I'm taking as the writing on the wall.

Time will tell.

Twenty one more days. Even after that passes, I'm still thinking they're going to pull something.

On Thursday I was planning on going down to the Pikes Peak Workforce Center to see what jobs were available and what tests I could take for eligibility. Didn't happen but I still went to the Pikes Peak Workforce Center.

A day after I posted my resume online, I got an email with an offer about some insurance job here in Colorado Springs and the interview would be held over at the PPWFC.

My whole lunch was fucked up but I was able to put on a button-down shirt, do the interview, perform some of the tests and learn more about the situation. Apparently this insurance company has a broad base of customers and now they're trying to sell the bells and whistles to the established customers to generate revenue. Since they're growing so fast, they need new people.

So when I got home I took a test that wasn't any different than one of those LiveJournal WHAT SEXUAL POSITION AM I OH LAWL and wrote a brief and concise description of me. As requested I called the guy who interviewed me after I completed the test. Oh boy, this conversation really didn't sit well with me because it sounded like other people were being considered. Not that I'm surprised because according to the guy I was among the last round of interviewees.

Fuck, they're just being nice.

Anyway I followed up again with the local guy running the office and he said he wants me to come along for a day and see what's necessary in the job. This means there are two more interviews if I do well in this scenario.

So I'm cautiously happy.

I still have a personal day saved up since I ate up one of my vacation days for a mental health day in August. Now I have to request the day off for the 28^th or the 29^th and hope they approve it.

What a disgusting and utterly modern thing to say. Yet it fit and did the job. At least I didn't use the terms 'paradigm' or 'trope'.

One of the things I love about Frank Sinatra is that unless you listen to the same damned recording over and over again, you really can't sing along with him. Each time he belts out a tune, he puts a new spin and interpretation on it. While driving home from work a few days ago KCMN was playing Somewhere Beyond the Sea and it was completely off the version I'm used to hearing on the Reprise collection CD and winamp.

He always said he was just a saloon singer but he was the best fucking saloon singer in the world.

So I've been rereading The Sparrow by Maria Doria Russell. It's still a pageturner and has a special place. Mostly out of nostalgia after recent drama soured me on Nightwatch. It's not Mr. Lukyanenko's fault. The best analogy are Wyoming ranchers. Poisoned, dead sheep are left out for coyotes and wolves so they hopefully learn sheep are poison and not good eatin'. I was deep into Nightwatch on November 1^st and then everything turned upside down.

Once I'm done rereading the tragedy of Emilio Sandoz, I'm going to restart Earth Abides. It's been two years plus I'm not as lonely as I was in April of 2004 or at least I'm lonely in a different way. What always struck me about Earth Abides is the fact that the survivors really don't want to put civilization back on the fast track. Their children grow up in a world where they never knew the rat race and simply believe that life is good. The adults know what the old civilization held and have a lizard brain desire to avoid that kind of toxic society despite its conveniences and toys.

Which brings me to the appeal of eschaton. Eschaton doesn't simply mean killing everyone off but recreating the world in one's own image. What people understand when they fight so hard to change the world is that the world changes even without their input. Eschaton would give the world a chance to do what fits the world, like water finding its own level in a tube. It's less about having opportunistic things filling the niches of the extinct but about the actual system which enables the process.

That makes no sense and I'm too tired and addled to edit this.