5/28/06
Here's what's going on with my body. I feel a constant gnawing that feels like hunger even though I'm really not hungry. The discomfort is along the bottom of my ribcage.

I don't have any acid reflux, I'm not burping more than usual, breathing is painless and in fact I am getting some really deep breaths which is comforting to me, I don't have the hiccups, spicy food doesn't aggravate the situation, I can suck in my stomach without any strain or pain, I can easily swallow and I am having no trouble keeping food down.

The pain seems to come and go. Sometimes I figure it's stress-related but even on the weekends I'll get the same ache. Heck, after I went food shopping this afternoon the feeling went away. Maybe I shouldn't have gotten an Orangina and one of those poofy Reeses bars so I could see if feeling fed had any bearing on my discomfort.

Here's the kicker, most likely it's absolutely nothing. As I write this, I'm feeling little to no discomfort.

How sad, I used to be much less incoherent in the past. Goodness, I hope this is isn't my usually subjective memory.

Summer doesn't mean dick if there isn't a beach within 60 miles.

With each passing day I'm becoming more and more of a hypochondriac. After someone, Jaybird but I won't mention him by name, said that it could be a hiatal hernia I did some research and found out how it can cause gangrene and death. This elevated my anxiety and gave me pause.

I believe I'm becoming a hypochondriac in my old age.

I don't feel as immortal as I used to feel back in the day. Reckon everything started going downhill in 1996 when I was shitting blood for a week. After that, I've been getting seriously ill at least once a year. Fever and shakes, food poisoning, unknown laryngeal infection that robbed me of my voice for three weeks, nagging cough with drip from September to November and much, much more.

So instead of downloading the pics off my camera, I flipped through the photos on my computer. raddidge had such long, long hair a year ago. She cut it short and she's growing it out again. I love raddidge very much and I can't wait for her hair to get that long once again. Plus the photos and the nostalgia gave me pause because now and again I've considered shaving my head, despite the fact that being a cueball has negative connotations, and I realize now that I shouldn't because I don't want raddidge to feel weird.

I will take six nuts. I will take tuna. I will take cat food.

One of the things I hate about my job is working for stupid people. I have to show deference and acknowledge that they know what they're doing when they're being fucking idiots. Kissing ass is one of my skills. Learned it from my father except I don't have his finesse to be genuine to undeserving people. At any time, should I deign to treat them as peers, they get upset that I'm talking over their head. It's not contempt, it's pity.

This makes me feel like I'm getting more stupid and less creative in my personal life.

Reckon this stems from the fact that I'm so focused at work and single-minded that when I get home I act in the same fashion but in a selfish way. It is my way of making up for the lost time at work when it isn't payday.

Maybe District 11 will have night courses for learning Italian.