One of the annoying things of maintaining heptapod.org than obsessing over its various visitors is the fact that figlet servers have the lifespan of a fruitfly. Now this was going to be where I would bitch and moan about something irrelevant in the greater scheme of things. Fortunately I remembered that LambdaMOO has a figlet feature.
Getting an oil change is always a pain in my ass. I know I could do it myself but I don't know how to do it! Plus I don't have the tools to perform that kind of service. Going to Jiffy Lube is out of the question since every time I go to those places I get the hard sell on air filters and then they clean out my car. Just change the oil and let me go on my way.
Fuck it, I'll just post it.
The whole dream was nothing but an infomercial for a digital camera. Each time something interesting happened, I'd reach for the camera and start taking pictures. While wandering through the foothills amongst the dime-a-dozen pines I saw a sasquatch. He was acting all furtive and was carrying something in his hand. Either he killed a puppy or he found a puppy. What I did figure out is that the sasquatch was trying to dispose of the evidence.
Later I ran into one of the girls from work. She wasn't interested in hearing about my cryptozoological event but she did think my camera was pretty keen. One of the camera's features was its zoom lens. I could zoom in on something, 5x zoom, then hit the macro button and take a picture of an ant as if it was a lion out in the Kalahari. Anyway, I left her behind and tried to pick up the trail.
Did I mention that the dream seemed like an infomercial? An oneiromercial? If I was more prone to outrageous conspiracy theories, I'd gather that military-industrial complex was trying out a new technology with civilian uses to turn the world and experience of life into more of a hideous caricature of capitalism.
My father called me and tells me what's going on back in New Jersey. I rolled my eyes because I could tell there was bad news from the tone of his voice.
He had adopted another lab because he couldn't take the loneliness which came from the loss of Ben and Kate. The dog needed medication for a very unusual reason. This pooch had a big floppy penis and the medication made his cock turtle back so the pup wouldn't trip over it. A few days ago he forgot to give his dog the morning pill. Later that day the dog ran out the door and started running down the street. As he's telling the story I can see it happening like I'm on a TV show. Halfway down the street, the dog trips over his cock. From his speed, his paw stamped down on his floppy wang and tore it out from the root. I could see the dog howling and writing in the street in a rapidly growing pool of blood.
Now my father was in tears and inconsolable, he kept calling the dog Ben even though that wasn't the dog's name.
I've never been happier to wake up.
