My dream began on a rainy night but not on a rainy mountain. I was riding my bike through the rain, getting lost and trying to help people get back on track. When I reached the top of an overpass, I realized that I was over Route 22 and facing north. If it hadn't been so stormy I could've seen the New York City skyline. During the last leg of this chapter of the dream, I was stuck in a Groundhog Day loop trying to traverse an offramp.

Now I stood in the middle of a muddy lake. The water was up to my knees. When I reached out and put my hand into the water, dozens of black leeches painlessly attached themselves to my fist. Some vigorous shaking disloged them from their gorging but some were swimming up through the water and throwing themselves at my hand. Others swarmed around my legs giving me the impetus to run for the shore where I re-enacted a scene from The Body which is more popularly known as Stand By Me. One of those greasy black fucks was teabagging me but the removal was relatively painless. While standing on the shore and taking in my surroundings I was reminded of recent dream. Despite the stirred-up mud, I knew this water was clean and once everything settled it would be a beautiful place. About fifty feet from my position was an island which featured a steep and imposing cliff that kept its shoreline in perpetual shadow.

An unseen presence admonished me for having made a mess on an island by saying "Take only pictures and leave only footprints" over and over until I was guilted into doing the right thing. Of course I didn't make the mess and as usual I was the fall guy. Rather than braving the leeches, I scrounged up a laundry basket and a kiddie pool shaped like a frog for my crossing. My plan involved crossing in the pool while towing the laundry basket full of garbage bags back to shore for proper disposal.

Halfway across, I realized my boat was slowly filling with water. Fortunately no leeches were finding their way into the boat or to my fatness. One thing that I did notice is that the water was unnaturally black rather than dark brown from the suspended sediment. Short story much too long later, I'm at the island and feeling relieved that someone had already packed up the trash into white trash bags making my quest much more simple. A woman in black steps out of the shadows beneath the cliff face. From her robes, she pulls out a huge and unwieldy sword that one would find in some anime. Carved on its hilt was the word "UNO" which kept me wondering if that was a reference to the game. Once the sword was out the cliff crumbled and white ionic pillars unfolded from the sand. She sheathed and unsheathed her weapon a few times because she was fascinated by the coincidence.

Here's where things become confusing. Suddenly I'm accused of being a traitor by unseen enemies. One declares the only fit punishment is to remove my penis with five, separate cuts. Suddenly I can not move and my wang's out.

Fortunately I make myself aware that this is a dream and force myself to wake up. This act has never been more effortless. I felt in control of my life for the rest of Thursday.