Christmas shopping. Stores were packed like an eighteen year old porn star. The store had wooden shelves, ambient light and lots of useless shit that no one buys unless it is Christmas. Each time I wanted to go down an aisle, I had to wait for fifteen people to file out once they found their gift or decided to move on in search of the perfect gift.

Shopping didn't last too long because I ended up buying nothing. Things got worse because once out of the store I realized I was on the west coast of Africa. All I wanted now was to get out of Africa. Fortunately what I saw of the continent was a simple map that showed violent areas in shades of red and the places without any people in shades of yellow and green.

The new perspective was fortuitous because it let me see that South America was closer than I remembered it. In fact the distance was less than the distance between the tip of my thumb to the tip of my pinky. When I went to measure it with my hand I had to curl my pinky. In my excitement my perspective changed and I found myself standing at the westernmost point of Africa at the bottom of red sandstone cliffs. raddidge was still climbing down saying that I was crazy.

As she admonished me for my lack of geography skills, the thick clouds on the western horizon started to break up revealing the Brazilian coastline.

"Five miles. Civilization is five miles away."
"I don't know about that. You'll drown before you get there." said the Republic's Favorite Optimist.

The sun revealed there was a sand bar and some planks that lead to civilization. I started explaining how we can live in Argentina, how I know basic Spanish and she knows less than basic German. I started looking for my multitool and miniature maglite so I would be prepared for the journey. Suddenly I realized that I needed big glass jars to keep my sugar, flour and other kitchen staples dry and safe! The store was miles away and would only delay the journey.

As I waded into the Atlantic I could see big garages carved into the side of South America for newcomers. raddidge shouted, "You don't even have a passport!" That never stopped the Mexicans.

I never made it because Spot's mewing at the neighbor cat woke me up.