4/5/06
So I've been doing a little bit at Wikipedia because I have idle hands. Since I was feeling creative and it's been a while, I decided to visit Everything2 and contribute at the site. Either it's the community over at Everything2 or the hierarchical (looks funny but correct) structure of the site but Everything2 is an elitist piece of shit. Sure some articles at Wikipedia are laughable and there was a whole stink about people needing to be logged in to vandalize edit certain articles.

Everything2 presents itself as being more informal with a subtext of encouraging creativity. There are tons of nodes, that's what E2 calls their articles, which are nothing but bullshit nonsense. Heck this harkens back to LambdaMOO and an individual who called himself Gilmore. Folks idolized him because of his antics at bashes, taking homemade drugs made by Condor and forcing himself on several women like it's some treat. I never "got it" and wondered why such a miscreant, regardless of any alleged charm, maintained a reputation rather than deserved notoriety.

Everything2 has nodes like "Warning signs that your child may be a Goth", "The day my fish died" among others which are established outside its journaling system. Some of which are very left wing liberal screeds which are just a TL;DR version of "LOL BUSH". The nodes come across as wanting to be amusing or these articles without any context beyond the person's personal experiences. No problem with that since people can learn more from personal experiences or anecdotes than some dusty and definitive reference which is more abstract than most readers would desire.

So I figure, "Hey I can do that" and my stuff is immediately sent to Node Heaven, a soft delete of sorts, or I get a flood of negative and unconstructive responses about a soon-to-be-deleted node.

So in keeping with heptapod.org being my online diary journal, not a blog, I'm going to lead into a more personal matter.

raddidge asked a question on LambdaMOO. The context was when I stumbled upon an acquaintance's entry via another acquaintance's entry on LiveJournal. I felt the entry was naïve and embodied everything which is wrong about the majority of citizens of this country. In short, the individual was basically saying "Go ahead and spy on me, I'm not doing anything wrong." This is a horrifying attitude and I decided to share the abridged version, as cut and pasted by GreyDruid, with her.

raddidge says, "Why do you dwell on the misery? If that's all you see, then of course there will be more misery?"

At the time, I didn't have a right or wrong or any answer of the sort. Reckon I kind have an answer. "The lesson is 'never try'." Elaboration upon this point is going to lead to another one of raddidge's perennial questions. I'm unaware if I can use the term perennial since raddidge and I have been an item for a scant year and nine months.

My social skills are lacking in any capacity. When I see people who are having fun and I decide that I want to join their games, the reaction has always been "Who the fuck are you? Get out." Whether it's something as admirably blunt as those two succinct phrases or something as simple as closing ranks. After a while, I just give up. Now that I avoid most casual social interaction, my imagination starts in with questions like "How is this person going to fuck me over" or "What are they going to find about me that they're going to hate?" It's not like I poked my head in and shouted "NiggerkikeniggerLOLJaybird". I may be socially inept but I am knowledgeable of most social graces like keeping away from discussions of politics and religion with acquaintances.

In short, Jaybird, my perception of the world beyond my social group is one of an adversarial world. It's not out to get me but if I try and participate, people will endeavor to make me regret my choice.

Now for that perennial question from raddidge.

raddidge asks, "Why do you always make yourself into the victim?"

I don't know. If I knew, I could break the cycle and do something with myself beyond accrue useless money.

I read at work because I want to avoid other people. Books are one of my primary sources of entertainment but I know it's a shield from the rest of the world. Heck, most times when I return from lunch or a break I have my face hidden behind a book. Reading allows me to edify myself while avoiding the whole "What are you watching" inquiry that comes with television. Everyone watches TV but nobody reads because they claim to have no time.

It's pathological but it's how I keep sane at work.

The seemingly random inclusion of the word "Jaybird" is not entirely random. Jaybird only reads heptapod.org by loading the main page and doing control-F to see if he was mentioned at all in an entry. Reckon I'll give him a reason to read even if it is mostly a psyche.

I humbly request that maribou refrain from telling Jaybird about my nefarious scheme and let him discover it on his own.