Twenty years ago, Chernobyl had a massive meltdown. Europe was under a radioactive cloud, thyroid glands dissolved and unwholesome blue light doomed the first responders. The past couple of days you couldn't swing a dead cat on the internet without stumbling upon one of these articles. I'm talking real articles, not that lying Russian sack of shit who claimed she rode her motorcycle through the hot zone.
Ever since I made my acquaintance with raddidge and become very close, I have been more prone to conspiracy theories. Right now my pet conspiracy theory is that the media is being goaded by the current administration to promulgate the story and rekindle unfounded fears regarding nuclear energy so the dependency on foreign oil will continue unabated.
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Reckon I'm probably the worst person to consult when it comes to the ladies. GreyDruid would probably be better than me and he's pitching for the other team.
So I'm laying out on the lounge chair in the front yard when the guy comes up behind me. "I thought you were going to get me! We're going to be late!"
"The fuck's your problem? First we got a lot of time and second you were supposed to let me know when you're ready."
The dork stared at me and went back inside. I returned to my nearly napping state. Minutes later he's back with the same spiel. After a few more interruptions like this, I say fuck it, kick over the chair and drag him downtown.
A bunch of storefronts had been merged into one large meeting area. Folks were milling around outside waiting to get in for whatever festivities, the party was in full swing when we arrived. Dork was telling me about how he was going to hook up with this internet chick. Sure, great just get out of my hair so my night isn't a total failure.
Standing across the street was this scrawny chick who must've been a druggie because she was so thin. Plus she really didn't have much in the way of titties which is pretty sad. Yet she was waving to me, lifting her shirt like I was her favorite NASCAR driver passing her section in the bleachers. She had pierced nipples. Sure I'm bored, I'm sure something interesting is going on over there. Druggy's acting all coy and doing that stereotypical Japanese thing of covering her mouth when she laughs. More annoying, I'm trying to make a move and I'm getting absolutely nowhere. The more she's being a tease and blowing me off, I'm getting hornier. It's annoying that I can't even chalk it up to waking-life guilt! I just can't get anywhere whether I'm awake or asleep.
I made my way to a bar and hung out there. Fortunately they wouldn't let Druggy into the joint. Dork came back with a chick on his arm. She was six foot four if she was an inch, absolutely no chin, a short soupbowl haircut and long droopy tits. She was more interested in me than Dorky. Every moment that Dorky wasn't around, Alice the Goon was trying to make her move on me leaving me nostalgic for Druggy.
