9/15/05
I am not happy.
I am not happy.
cough
My cough is going away, I presume it will be silenced by the weekend.
dear dad
Dear Dad,
It was a few years back, April of 2000, you were outside one night with Katie and Ben while I was parked in front of the computer. You called me outside wanting to know what was wrong with the sky. I didn't know and I was blunt about it, "Maybe lots of light pollution" and I slunk back inside the house. the sky was bright red and from my casual glance not really different from the usual purple mercury haze under the clouds. You stayed outside for a bit longer with Ben and Kate. The next Saturday or Sunday, I remember going out to Bryant Park with Kinja and seeing the Star Ledger remarking upon the aurorae.
I always remember shit like this. Deep down something nags at me for being so stupid and selfish. Another voice chimes in saying I made you feel stupid. That's when I start hitting myself.
It was a few years back, April of 2000, you were outside one night with Katie and Ben while I was parked in front of the computer. You called me outside wanting to know what was wrong with the sky. I didn't know and I was blunt about it, "Maybe lots of light pollution" and I slunk back inside the house. the sky was bright red and from my casual glance not really different from the usual purple mercury haze under the clouds. You stayed outside for a bit longer with Ben and Kate. The next Saturday or Sunday, I remember going out to Bryant Park with Kinja and seeing the Star Ledger remarking upon the aurorae.
I always remember shit like this. Deep down something nags at me for being so stupid and selfish. Another voice chimes in saying I made you feel stupid. That's when I start hitting myself.
Your son
and
Ben and Kate are gone. I terribly miss them. Plus I keep berating myself for squandering their brief lives and being so selfish with my own life.
