Discovered that maribou phoned me late on Monday night to say it was cool by her if I came over to use their internet access. I'll be heading to their place in a little bit.
Before coming home, I decided that I really needed seltzer water because only having sugary drinks at work is unpleasant. Things appear to be slowing down but there are sideways announcements that everyone has to pick up the pace or be left in the dust at the unemployment line. The first day anyone announces people can go home early, my hand will be the first in the air.
Back to the seltzer issue. I went to four Safeways and none of them had seltzer water. Not even in two liter bottles. Seltzer's the one thing that keeps me content and wets my throat. Albertsons has seltzer but it's twice the price of the stuff at Safeway for a twelve pack. Situations like this always remind me that I'm not back east, people live differently out here and I have to sacrifice the little things.
The store manager at the Safeway on Union and Academy told me there was a huge display of twenty four cases and today two people came in and bought every case. I don't think he was pulling one over on me but that's really weird.
The drives between stores I started having a crisis. Everything I do ends up being for naught. Where did I come from and where am I going were the two major questions. Would my ancestors take any pride in my life or would they realize I was just another mouth to feed, putting an unnecessary strain on society and its dwindling resources? Plus I've long resigned myself, and chosen, that there aren't going to be any more. One thing that my father has always told me is that I'm the last male with my surname. At first it was a burden on me which became a source of resentment and now it just makes me angry. No one has fed me that line in ages but I'm sure if I did choose to knock someone up, I doubt that offspring would take any pride in the name or being my offspring.
Everything seems so pointless right now. I attempted to raise my spirits with prospects of buying stuff. The months of November and December end up being my big spending months where I get gifts for family and friends then one gift for myself. Unfortunately buying things isn't going to make me a happier person. It's just a bandaid on a sucking chest wound. Just like raddidge's gentle admonishments and wise questions about last week's little brush with the Powerball lottery. "How is having all that money going to help you?" was her question.
The only answer I could give was that I could move somewhere and be alone without worrying about the need for human interaction for basic existence. Each time that I interact with people would become far more special because I want that interaction. The other side of the coin tells me I'd be constantly suspicious to the point of becoming batshit insane, wondering if everyone's going to mooch off of me knowing I'd be a soft touch. This would be magnified by my experiences at my job where the greedy, the stupid and the desperate do anything for a couple hundred dollars.
At the end of it all, I remain by myself and will die alone and unmourned and unloved.
On a brighter note, I acquired Altered Carbon and I started reading that during lunch.
Last night, I had a very successful priest who went from being a 90 pound elven weaking to a brawny (for an elf) warrior for chaos with a pet mastodon which used to be a pet kitten named Spot. Sadly, he was poisoned by a unicorn horn and escaped this mortal coil.
Of course none of you, gentle reader, want to hear about Nethack or my dreams.
