November 2005

11/2/05
I don't deserve anything special because I have not done anything special for the world.

I wish raddidge was here.

oops

As you may or may not know, I'm grossly obese. Tuesday required people to work through lunch which meant the company was buying for those who toiled through their lunchly breaks. Bean Bandit and Pizza Hut were the choices and neither were good choices considering the amount of dairy traditionally used in Mexican food and that Pizza Hut sucks and I can't afford to get the shits at work.

Fortunately, Pizza Hut has wings. I ordered wings.

Food arrives, one of the processors with whom I am actually friendly with is handing out the goods. My wings were handed to me and then she came back asking if I ordered another set of wings. Nope, only one order of wings. She was confused since she was the one who called in the order! "It's your lucky day, I guess." and I was given the second order of wings.

Ten minutes later, the bones are stripped of meat and my trash can is an avian ossuary. Ooh, needless alliterations and fifty cent words. An hour later the department manager is asking the girl who handed out the food if there were two orders of wings. Oh. Shit.

Our gaze met across a crowded room, eyes wide with realization. Thankfully the cardinal rule of the office, "You don't say anything, I don't say anything" was well in effect. Later when she was checking her productivity report near my desk I muttered "oops" which made both of us snicker.

"Oops" indeed.

And before any of you judge me as being a gluttonous and selfish fiend, my department manager was able to get Pizza Hut to send over another order of wings. Everyone was happy.

In Yer Dreams

One thing that stands out from my dream were these two rings. Two simple silver bands that conferred invisibility upon the wearer. If only one of the rings was worn, depending on its properties, then either the area above my waist or below my waist would be invisible with the other part disturbingly visible. Also unlike most preconceptions of invisibility, my clothes did not become invisible as well which required me to go nude.
Being a healthy, red blooded man I immediately set out to find various ladies rooms, locker rooms at Curves and other places to practice voyeurism. Unfortunately my dream conspired against me and several times I realized that I only had one ring on and the other one had fallen off. At no time was I able to successfully spy and beat off.