January 2002 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 New Year's Day I can't fucking believe it, I've kept at this site for almost three years. Anyway, I'm going out tonight. I might come home now and again depending on my mood. I may not come home until late and just sleep away New Year's Day. Resolutions Which Have Come To Pass: Left home Gainfully employed Lost weight Failed Resolutions: Consistently update the site daily Living alone Keep my living area clean Resolutions For 2002 Get better work with better money Visit Devo twice Go to New Jersey Get a better car Finish learning Esperanto Get into an IRL RPG What I definitely have to do with my site is make sure that the dates are white on the old entry pages because it seems they aren't white. Plus I should look into making sure I have the correct count of diary entries because I'm sure the following count will skip a few stand alone diary entries that are hidden within the massive archive pages for each month. Stats Entries Sep'99 - 4 Oct'99 - 31 Nov'99 - 30 Dec'99 - 27 Total: 92 Jan'00 - 5 Feb'00 - 20 Mar'00 - 29 Apr'00 - 26 May'00 - 31 Jun'00 - 28 Jul'00 - 28 Aug'00 - 30 Sep'00 - 30 Oct'00 - 31 2 different entries for Hallowe'en Nov'00 - 30 Dec'00 - 30 Total: 320 Jan'01 - 31 Feb'01 - 28 Mar'01 - 29 9 entries written offline Apr'01 - 25 4 entries written during Devo's visit May'01 - 29 Jun'01 - 25 1 diary spivak entry Jul'01 - 24 9 entries written during the trip Aug'01 - 21 Sep'01 - 30 Oct'01 - 30 Nov'01 - 29 Dec'01 - 31 1 diary spivak entry Total: 355 Grand Total: 767 entries Jan'01 is still the biggest entry archive with Apr'01 being the smallest entry archive. Had I been consistent from day one there would be 827 diary entries as of New Year's Eve which means I'm short 60 days. Dreams and Nightmares Sep'99 - 0 Oct'99 - 0 Nov'99 - 0 Dec'99 - 1 Total: 1 dream Jan'00 - 1 Feb'00 - 0 Mar'00 - 1 Apr'00 - 0 May'00 - 3 1 nightmare Jun'00 - 4 Jul'00 - 3 Aug'00 - 3 Sep'00 - 3 Oct'00 - 5 1 nightmare Nov'00 - 2 Dec'00 - 7 Total: 30 dreams, 2 nightmares Jan'01 - 16 2 nightmares Feb'01 - 4 Mar'01 - 6 Apr'01 - 6 4 nightmares May'01 - 7 2 nightmares Jun'01 - 4 Jul'01 - 4 2 nightmares Aug'01 - 7 Sep'01 - 9 Oct'01 - 5 Nov'01 - 8 Dec'01 - 8 3 nightmares Total: 84 dreams, 13 nightmares Grand Total: 117 Now I wonder where the other two dream entries are coming from, maybe I'm not adding correctly because it's late (2:20 a.m. MST, 12/31/01). Okay, they add up to 117 now that I'm a bit more awake and lucid than I was yesterday.   Mercy, I think I outdid myself last night. The beginning of the night started out slow and around ten I was wondering if the band would ever show up because it was drawing closer to ten p.m.. Once the band arrived and the lights dimmed that's when I veered away from my coke (no ice) to beer. The food was okay and the beer was good. I remember the music playing and bouncing around after eight beers and slamming two glasses of champagne at midnight my time. Around eleven I phoned Devo to wish her Happy New Year but she didn't pick up both times and I was still sober around that time drinking in moderation. So I read her a poem out of House of Leaves (I'm up to the appendices) and wished her a happy New Year. Really upset to the point that I forgot to make another call, I went back and became a drinking machine. Five beers pounded, maybe more, and I wandered around asking if I looked too shitfaced then made my way to the bathroom where I stared at myself in the mirror. Oh yeah, I got clear urine. URF BURF WINKY EMOTICON. Pupils were pinpoints and I think my face was a bit ruddy but with my complexion it was hard to tell. Okay because I was drinking so much it was hard to tell if my face was red. I bounced around some more, burped and almost threw up, slept in my booth for heaven knows how long then got my shit together. At twelve-ish my time after they played Auld Lang Syne I went over to the payphone again to see if I could catch Devo but she wasn't there or available and I think I told her that she was mean and something about it being typical of leaving something heartfelt then either not hearing back from her or getting some glib reply two weeks later. Then I called Makonan and left a few messages on her machine which made her laugh because I was so sloshed at the time. When they did last call I knew that I was way too drunk so I got my shit together, stuffing everything into my backpack and staggered home. I dropped my book twice much to my irritation and I picked it up and kissed and hugged it because I was sorry that I dropped the book. One thing that I learned is that if you're very drunk and ask people "Do I look drunk" they will always, always deny it. Heh. Once I got inside I undressed on the way downstairs and flopped in bed. Heaven knows how much later I woke up and threw up in a potato chip bag. So now I'm sleepy and in bed having awakened at ten in the morning. Man it's cold down here and the heater's on and my window's closed and my back still feels cold. One thing that I realized while I was drunk is that my handwriting becomes very beautiful except I can't remember how many humps m and n have when written in cursive. First I called Makonan and we talked for a while where I recounted my night and we talked about this and that before she had to hang up and take care of Makonan things. I tried calling Devo but she was sleeping. She left a message on my voicemail that she was sitting in a closet because everyone at her party was in a weird mood and she needed to get away from everyone. She called me at my midnight but when I called her she didn't pick up. Piss, shit and hellfire. Now my head hurts a bit, I'm annoyed at people who say "Well if it's good for you" as if I'm someone to pat on the head followed with a dismissive "that's nice" and angry at people who don't say "I love you" back when I say it to them. Time to upload and go to sleep. Fuck you. At least people return "fuck you" unlike "I love you". Miserable cocksuckers. 1/2/01 The best thing that happened to me in 2001 was moving to Colorado. Meeting Devo in person is in second place. The worst thing that happened to me in 2001 was moving to Colorado. Getting food poisoning is in second place. 1/3/01 Another day. Self imposed anxiety. I work Mondays now. They're cracking down on dress code, of all things, at work which is surprising since it's a job with shit pay and no one really sees us except for our supervisors. I'm not worried, I'll just be like the teacher everyone laughed at for having the same set of suits. I'm adding a resolution to my list that I posted previously on this site. Not to fly off the handle or stress about Devo 1/4/01 I'm broke. Those fuckers at MCI mailed my paycheck to me rather than allowing me to pick it up on Wednesday. Hopefully it'll arrive in the mail tomorrow so I can get by for the coming week. What's screwy is the fact that the next paycheck won't have commissions for everyone which sucks cock but I'm there for the salary and I do work to get the sales but if I get my fucking hopes up and kill myself over that I'm definitely going to consider myself pathetic. On Wednesday I helped out this old lady and gave her credit making sure she wouldn't have any troubles again with MCI. Fucking hell, I can't see why people fight tooth and nail over nickels and dimes. With the elderly I could understand because they're of a different generation that pinched pennies but hot fucking damn it's sad seeing other people being so stingy. Even in my situation at the moment I could care less about small change. Anyway the old lady was really grateful and stuff and it made me feel good. Oh yeah, big fucking warning for everyone out there who's online. There's some site or internet provider that disconnects your connection to the internet, makes you dial a 900 number which is 35.00 a minute. Seriously fucked up shit here and I have at least twenty calls (that's one fifth of my call volume) a day where people call in about this ripoff. MCI's name is tacked onto it so MCI is just allowing people to spend money to run this kind of scam. MCI's also cracking down on every little thing in hopes of pushing people closer to being fired like now cracking down on the dress code. In my bay people are quite lax about "unprofessional language" and I'm waiting to see when management starts cracking down on that kind of shit. I'm tired. Nothing's going on with me. Good night. Hold breath. Count to ten. Hi, I'm going out to drink tonight. Dunno if anything's going on but fucked if I'm going to hang around and do nothing since I need some release. My way of counting my breath and holding ten or something. Ends up I read three chapters of Lord of the Rings over a pint of Guinness doing my best not to move except to turn the page. I feel like I've gotten conflicting points of view which is why I went out this evening. Before I went out I emailed Jaybird and he wrote back and that gave me some perspective although if I can catch up with him tomorrow I'll try re-representing my theories regarding the perceived inconsistencies regarding a certain philosophy which constantly pecks at me like a raven at a corpse's eye. I made Kylie laugh, I wish I could make Devo laugh like that and as easily someday. I'm tired and I don't have Monday off which sucks. 1/6/02 Er, I think I've been fucking up and marking the dates with 01 instead of 02. Anyway it seems that a song that I wanted to learn to play on the piano has been ruined by someone who I do not speak with anymore because I have the impression that talking with them was just a waste of my energy. On the up side I never did find a good real audio or mp3 of that Ray Charles song so it's not that stuck in my head like the Beatles songs I've been listening to a whole lot of lately.   Lately I've been thinking a lot about food and making it for myself. Most times I can't bring myself to cook, food poisoning fears aside, because I need to cook for someone. What I have found recently is a thread at the Straight Dope message board about simple cooking that's good cooking much to my happiness. Kylie mentioned the *recipes list on Lambda except I've looked at it and I haven't seen anything good posted there for eating. Most of the time it's really faggy shit that's more of "Look how I can cook" rather than feeding one's fat face. I THOUGHT MOOERS WERE FAT AND WOULD KNOW ABOUT FOOD!!! I also ordered French Cooking in Ten Minutes because the reviews are mostly glowing and it sounds like a good read even if nothing's cooked from the book. Also at the Utopia last night or on New Year's Eve someone asked if a copy of the Bartender's Bible was my copy but I didn't have that and told them. Fuck, I should've said "Yeah" and took it for myself. Not that there's a drop of alcohol in this apartment but heaven knows that I'm sure some situation will arise where I'd be required to mix a drink somewhere sometime down the road. Also I'm going to put money away to buy cooking stuff like a microwave (Makonan offered to send one of her three microwaves but I haven't heard), a toaster oven and a rice cooker. I also want to put money away so I can at least do two trips in 2002, both of which are to visit loved ones. If I go back to New Jersey, I think I'd be able to stay for free there somehow somewhere.   Yesterday I made a boo-boo when I uploaded my diary and it didn't get noticed until I was halfway through writing this particular entry much to my chagrin but it's fixed in the January archive. This is beyond still using 01 instead of 02 as mentioned earlier in this entry. 1/7/02 I slept all day on Sunday and I went to bed at a fairly reasonable hour on Saturday night. Sometime before midnight. Oh boy, lately my ass has been burning from all the hot food I've been eating for meals. That's a really cool thing because now I know those jokes aren't just stereotypes, they're true. I've never had my ass burn before after eating hot food. Another thing is that I've been less apologetic lately and it stems from being told to apologize every time something doesn't go right for the customer when I take a service call for MCI. "I've been waiting an hour" or "I can't read my bill". That shit becomes really fucking old and it puts things in perspective for when apologies are really due. I have to wear a tie to work today much to my chagrin because some senator's coming to the Colorado Springs call center so he can be coerced into influencing a bill regarding telemarketing. I honestly hope this guy isn't going to believe that the people there are making that kind of shit money and going to work all gussied up like church on Sunday every single day. Also I'm still collecting those 900 numbers that I mentioned in a previous entry and will post them later. Seems that on Friday I didn't get many calls about those 900 numbers but it's a new week ahead of me. So I took this religion quiz and here are the results: what is the number and nature of the deity (god, gods, higher power)? the supreme existence is both the eternal, impersonal formless ultimate reality and personal god (or gods). medium priority are there human incarnations of gods or goddesses? none of the above high priority what are the origins of the physical universe and life on earth? all matter and life forms are manifestations (or illusions) of the eternal absolute (ultimate truth, universal soul or mind, etc). low priority what happens to humans after death? none of the above medium priority why is there terrible wrongdoing in the world? egoism (self-importance) leads to desire, craving and attachments which can lead to unwholesome thoughts and behavior i.e. greed, hate and violence. low priority satan's presence results in much suffering not applicable low priority why is there so much suffering in the world? choose all that apply spiritual or cosmic imbalance and disharmony may result in suffering none of the above; human suffering has nothing to do with the supernatural or karma low priority   (respond to the following [questions 8-12] based on how you believe a person attains salvation, exaltation, eternal reward, spiritual liberation/enlightenment, spiritual harmony, merger with god, etc.)   worship not applicable low priority baptism (or initiation) ceremonies not required medium priority regularly confess or repent all sins/wrongs but not necessarily to a cleric medium priority doing good works (deeds) and acting compassionately is: necessary high priority choose all statements below that represent your beliefs. live very simply; renounce worldly goals and possessions humankind is "saved" through human effort rather than through religious or spiritual means low priority elective abortion should be accepted (not proclaimed or treated as immoral) agree high priority homosexual behavior should be regarded as immoral or out of harmony disagree medium priority roles for women and men should be prescribed disagree medium priority divorce and/or remarriage should be restricted or punished or condemned disagree medium priority social betterment programs (e.g., equality, anti-poverty, education) should be fundamental. disagree high priority nonviolence (e.g., pacifism, conscientious objector) should be fundamental disagree high priority prayer, mediation, or spiritual healing practices should be favored to the exclusion of conventional health treatment (for all serious conditions or certain types of serious conditions). disagree high priority revering nature or the environment should be fundamental agree medium priority And the results: Neo-Paganism (100%) Mahayana Buddhism (98%) Liberal Protestant (97%) Liberal Quaker (97%) Unitarian Universalism (91%) New Age (86%) Theravada Buddhism (86%) Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (84%) Bahá'í (84%) New Thought (83%) Scientology (80%) Reform Judaism (78%) Secular Humanism (77%) Taoism (68%) Conservative Protestant (65%) Jainism (63%) Orthodox Quaker (63%) Sikhism (58%) Atheism and Agnosticism (57%) Islam (57%) Orthodox Judaism (57%) Latter-day Saint (Mormon) (55%) Hinduism (53%) Jehovah's Witness (41%) Eastern Orthodox (38%) Roman Catholic (38%) Seventh Day Adventist (26%) 1/8/01 When I was a kid The Hobbit was shown on TV. This was around the same time as Star Wars was released in theaters. In 1999 The Phantom Menace was released after much anticipation. This could have been the Silmarillion of the Star Wars story making the saga told before far richer than already imagined in the minds of my generation. Now it's 2001 and The Fellowship of the Ring has been released with rave reviews and kicking ass at the box office. I remember The Hobbit being fairly cool with the battles between dwarfs and orcs being really intense and characters actually dying in the story. It was never shown again and it slipped from memory except for the few times I would go through my book piles and find The Hobbit picture book, with art from the cartoon, and flip through it but other than that the story had faded from memory and I wasn't interested in reading The Lord of the Rings since most stuff I read about it said it was dry, boring and Tolkein's fandom was amazingly anal. What's good is the fact that I got into reading The Lord of the Rings now rather than back then because I doubt I would've been able to appreciate it. Now it seems that The Lord of the Rings has been done justice on the screen and, I would presume, in Tolkein's mind since he stated that the film be made for a quick buck or to be completely faithful to his original work. Both have been accomplished. Lucas on the other hand got lucky telling a good space story which was reinforced by The Empire Strikes Back with a relatively weak ending of Return of the Jedi. The Return of the Jedi should have boded ill for people waiting to see if Lucas would follow through with three prequels and three stories about the republic after the deeds of Luke, Leia and Han. I can't believe what I'm writing here and I want to shoot myself. Enough of that. I finally beat the fish after the first world in Charlie the Duck but I didn't have enough lives yet where I could get through the following levels with any real ease. Thing is that Kylie's going to kill me because she spent three days or more playing that game to the point where she just got up to the fish boss and then she showed me the game and I downloaded it then about a half hour later I was like "What do I do to finish the last area of world 1?" before going against the fish. I beat the fish before her so that's why she's going to kill me. She always finds cool games online despite the fact that she has Mickey Mouse for her desktop wallpaper. Damn it, I can't find the damned picture it's probably on the big computer. I bought a really tiny teaset on ebay a few days ago and I'll be mailing the money out to the seller today. Fuck, I don't have the picture anymore and the auction's expired. Also I've been playing around with the D&D character creator program and it's kinda neat. Definitely takes the tedium out of character creation and I only have to learn the system. Not that I'll be playing it anytime soon dontchknow. Lordy, look at me. Fatty is so hard up for gaming that he'll try D&D. Hurr twenty sided dice shoved up my asshole and lodged against my prostate. I'm bored. I'm glad I have Tuesday off. This entry is going nowhere fast. Oh yeah, here's something to bitch about. The senator never came around and it seems only half of the people working came in dressed "appropriately" for the visit. Telemarketing was still filled with beaner hoochie mamas and thugs. spivak does Larry King's column You know, reviews can really ruin some things which I have enjoyed in the past. Like House of Leaves has a bunch of shitfaced pretentious reviews, had I read those I know I would've probably told Makonan "Oh yeah, I'm reading it." then log sheepishly out like I just ejaculated after netsex. Ever notice that Slashdot does a lot of stories about Microsoft? They remind me of the guys who'd constantly talk about fags but get all pissed if asked if they were gay. That Jerkcity, will they ever learn? No one has prettier feet than Makonan. Where's Puzur and Nancy? I think they'd make an amazing couple. Ten hour workdays are killing me. Jeez, I know what I'd love to have when I get my fortune. A four player Gauntlet machine to have for my very own in my home. Of course it'd run on quraters because having free credits is counterproductive to Gauntlet's gameplay. It'd be even better to have both games side by side. Oh lordy. Have a nice place where I could host RPGs and there'd be Gauntlet and Gauntlet II downstairs for folks to play while waiting for others to arrive at the game. None of that two player shit, it'd have to be a four player game. It's not Gauntlet unless folks end up getting the characters they don't want in the first place because spots are already taken. I usually take Wizard because he has a fast shot rate, 1-2 damage with shots and he nukes everything when he uses a potion. Second choice is Elf, Barbarian and Valkyre. I only choose Valkyre last because she's a chick. Back when I was a kid whomever was Valkyre would end up getting sexually assaulted with the other three surrounding her and blocking her in with the accompanying sexual sound effects. 1/10/02 Wednesday was a decent day at work. I'm tired but if I get seven hours of sleep I reckon I can live through the day once again. The upshot of work is that I figured out an idea for a D&D campaign and all I'd have to do is find someplace to host it (not here) and then go around contacting the dopes who post their info at the gaming store up the road to get players together and see what the talent is like out here in the southwest. Oh yeah, this reminds me. The first time that Jaybird and maribou described where they lived and how they were relatively close to everything it put me in the mind that they lived in a city-like area. Tenement houses and all that. Knock me over with a feather when I found out that they were in the suburbs and I first discovered how Colorado Springs was laid out. My mother's new computer got infested with a virus, hah. That kept my sister from emailing me for a while but I can't help laughing because my mother was always like "How do I do this?" and wouldn't take my answer of "You can't do it like that. Do it like this and follow my simple instructions now I'm going back in my room to masturbate" and get all bitchy that she knew how to do stuff onna computer. At least my beloved father has the grace to just give up the reins and let me get him in the right direction. Spent a great night upstairs with Jaybird watching him play Final Fantasy XX and he watched me play the blue jester in Gauntlet: Dark Legacy. Every time I see the jester I think about Buddha back in New Jersey because one of his nicknames was Evil Jester. I wonder if he knows about that Gauntlet game. Oh yeah, hhsb most likely will be coming out to Colorado Springs sometime next week. I have the Friday after next off and I believe I have Martin Lucifer King Day off work and if they try to get me to work I'm going to say that I have family coming over and I can't do dick or I'm flying out to see family. Plus I found out I made an extra 96 bucks at work by hitting more sales than would've gotten me to a hundred percent. Hooray for my big dumb balls.

1/11/02 I'm reading about the Three Stooges. Also I really wish I had a certain book on Chinese astrology right now because it really is the best book on the subject. I remember when I first bought it, back in senior year of high school when I went into the city with my dad and my friends from school to go to Enchantments in NYC (nyc is more abstract in my head, i think i'm seeing it as the rest of the country sees it if one disregards september eleventh). One hallmark of a good book is that one can pick up a book and start reading it from anywhere without feeling lost or left out. Er, a good reference book. Most fiction isn't like that unless it's an anthology. Well I lent the book to Kinja (shit, when was the last time I mentioned her here? probably september) and she really liked it and said that she would give it back to me when it was on our bookshelf in our place. Ends up that she packed it and lost it when she moved out from the lesbian witch house that she shared with a certain individual of a terrorist religion. Being Haakon, I'm thinking the worst that she tore it up in a fit of pique (heh, such a delicate word to describe the anger and frustration i saw) or simply threw it out in a cold mood. Anyway, maribou's back home. Jaybird's not lonely anymore and that makes me happy. Their kitty Chumky isn't cranky anymore. The olympics guy upstairs isn't around so everything seems right with the house. One last thing. I have to buy three gifts sometime soon and I reckon I know exactly what I am going to buy. Just ain't gonna tell who I'm gonna buy the gifts for nor will I say what the gifts are but I reckon the gifts will be pretty keen. I'm a foolish spendthrift. 1/12/02 Just had a really cool idea and I wonder if something like this would be possible. Add a chemical to those blue toilet water things that hang in the tank which will make the water glow when mixed with urine or when agitated by a stream of piss or flushing the toilet. That would fucking rule, the toilet having a soft glow late at night so you can aim correctly or just seeing some weird lighting effect when you're sitting on the can having your legs covered in green light. I'd figure that something that glows via triboluminescence would be necessary. Friday was spent getting in touch with people that I haven't talked much with in quite a while. When I got home from undertime I returned my father's call. Seems that the NYC people are harassing him to get in touch with me and he says he can't get in touch with me because I'm divesting myself of my mother. Fucking pricks. Eat shit and die, you fucking take three months to pay me and you have every way of getting in contact with me and you fucking can't phone or mail me? I already shut off my email account I set up just for you. I phoned my sister and talked with her, she's in school learning about skin care since she can't do makeup anymore after her job in NYC screwed up her skin with harsh hair dyes and chemicals. I was surprised she didn't know what a facial was outside of the cosmetic sense and for about five minutes she didn't get what I was trying to joke about until I explained it along with the accompanying tale of female co-workers being awfully frank among each other about their particular exploits and complaining about getting certain fluids in their eyes. I tried talking with Makonan but she was cranky from being in pain and my attempts at cheering her up were unwelcome so I decided to just give up. Kylie came online, finally, and I thanked her profusely for the gifts she sent me for Christmas and my birthday. A lovely nightlight for my bathroom so I can see where I'm pissing in the dark without turning on the light and ruining my night vision. I swear that I can feel the pressure of the light on my skin and that's enough to get me half awake. Also I have a lovely paper moon lamp that's up on the side of my bed and it'll be plugged in once I figure out where I want to plug it in. Brian ended up being online and we talked for quite a while. I related my New Year's and he told me about all the shenanigans going on in New Jersey like Arthur going apeshit on someone for leaving the door open when they came inside to get help after Diane slipped on the ice and landed hard on her back. Ronni was a stand-up woman and put Arthur in her place, hooray for her balls! Tim's going to be moving out of his house and in with some gamers in Rahway. It's a sign of the apocalypse, I swear to god. I told Brian that if a Tuesday game ends up being Diane coming in, stripping down and saying "Boys, have at it!" then the end of the world will surely be upon us. Of course if Booner goes first then what'd be the point of everyone else having a turn after him? Was re: stereotypes that I really wish I had. Devo logged in and I spoke with her for a while telling her about what's going on with me and everything. Related news about the people back in New Jersey and she told me what's going on with her friends in Oklahoma. She was awfully sleepy having been up since 6:00 (like me) and not talkative and I tried to see if she was still paying attention by saying stuff like "that's when my head turned blue and the aliens cut my eyes out". Just sometimes I wish that I could play the conversation off Devo like I do with other people because I figure that's me at my very best and I want to be my very best for certain people. The main floor neighbor has been cooking bacon and the whole house smells like fucking bacon which means that I'm getting hungry but there's no place for me to get some eats along with the fact that come tomorrow I won't be awake in time to get a decent breakfast over at Wooglin's because they stop serving breakfast at ten in the morning. TEN IN THE FUCKING MORNING. This kinda shit makes me yearn for the diners of New Jersey where I could get breakfast anytime of the day. Bitch bitch bitch. Breakfast at the Utopia is nice but I don't feel like walking to get breakfast unless I have other errands to run downtown and those are few and far between unless I'm making my monthly sojourn to the comic shop or looking for books at maribou's store. I'm still looking for Speeding Bullets but the comic shop hasn't gotten it in yet and I don't have five comic titles that I read which means I can't get comics put aside for me which means I won't be able to start collecting Cerebus again since Cerebus doesn't sell enough to be kept on the shelves. It's a profitability thing. Speaking of the Birds, I still don't know if Royal Rumble is this weekend or not because that will certainly let me know what my plans will end up being regarding the money I have from my paycheck. Still, I'm glad that I was able to spend most of my day getting in touch with the people I love whether they wanted to be in contact with me (or anyone else) or not. 1/13/02 The dream was a strange version of Grand Theft Auto 3 where I was the thug going around jacking cars and doing jobs for the mob. Ended up working for the mafia and I was talking with a few of their made men when a bunch of rainslicked black vehicles started zipping down the alleyway shooting willy nilly at the mob filling most of them full of holes. I grabbed as many guns as I could off of the corpses and growled something about revenge while I ran after the cars which were screeching away down the main street. One by one, I killed the yakuza making my way back to my apartment (third floor tenement) each time because it was safer that way. Everytime I went inside I came across this gray skinned guy with black eyes and a bald head who wanted to come up to offer me a job of a lifetime. I kept thinking he was an alien but soon I realized he was just a technologically reanimated corpse and the spirit inside of him was most likely a revenant. The city I was living in was reminiscent of film noir movies except the little lights on buildings and in the windows were especially more vibrant, the streets had a sheen on them from the constant rain and the buildings looked dirty but that was just an illusion which came from the perpetual nighttime. In my head I started communicating with a young woman, each time I contacted her it cost me five cents but that was good enough for me. I can't really say what she looked like because she could've been an amalgamation of various women I've known and yet again she was like no one I ever imagined or met in my waking life. Dark red hair, small body, wide hips, dark eyes, her breasts weren't big but they weren't really small but they were smallish. Most times I was doing my revenge killing in a daze, running on automatic, while conversing with her and trying to set up a meeting. Emphasis on trying to set up a meeting because I couldn't remember the address to my apartment. I just knew how to get there but I couldn't give specific directions that someone else could objectively use. Unfortunately I gained two stars which meant the cops were after me but if I could only lie low then I could shake the heat and get back to normal. I went back to my tenement twice, once to find out what the damned address was then I went back to where I was hiding so I could pick up on the conversation I was having with this woman. Unfortunately while I was headed back to the tenement a second time I realized that she was wanted by the police and they were shooting like crazy to take her down and anyone else associated with her. I was in apartment 315 on the 11th floor of my tenement. There were only five floors but having the extra floors as options in the elevator were a security measure. Eventually I got back upstairs and the woman had already broken into my apartment to wait for me. The gray skinned guy came in and started talking about something in a low tone which was very ominous. There were other parts of my dream but they really didn't come together and I didn't get to my laptop in time to immortalize them in HTML before they faded like morning fog. There was something about running through a park, coming across someone who claimed he was God and dressed the part (golden robes, white beard, old man) who started shooting lethal purple sparks at people. Lethal purple sparks at people. Say that three times fast. I had a golden butterfly knife and a small shock of golden blonde hair in my hand, either of which could kill God but he detected the bundle of hair. I was hit three times by the purple sparks and seriously weakened while he grabbed me and lifted me up to his face. That's when I shoved the golden knife into him and cut his heart in half turning him into ashes. I think it was a job for the gray skinned guy but that's not very clear. Finally one of the times I headed back to the apartment there was half of a woman's head hanging from my doorknob which frightened the heck out of me. The more I looked at the severed object the more I realized it was probably just a mocked up piece from a mannequin. So now I find myself stuck with trying to think of something to write here that isn't purple text because I know there are some people who don't read the stuff I put in purple text. At least I got someone one time when I did a dream in green. Earlier on Saturday I thought I misplaced my photo ID which would mean that I would be unable to cash my paycheck but I found it and decided not to cash the check until tomorrow. Hopefully the check cashing place will be open. Not much else to talk about really. 1/14/01 I'm looking for a big image of this picture. I want it for my computer's wallpaper. Only items of interest going on with me at the moment are trying to figure out how to make a joke about crossing the Amish with Mennonites to get an ammonite (get it????) and not really wanting to talk to anyone. Plus I misplaced my brush which means I can't comb out my hair and get rid of the knots. Fuck. Finally I've realized why broadcast news on the big channels is so downright bloody, depressing and simple minded. The only other news that's going on nowadays is the stuff about Enron, the financial collapse of Argentina and installing friendly rulers in Afghanistan. Bo-ring. Every fucking morning I wake up to the same news about those three subjects and I'm sure by next week there'll be a different subject they'll cover extensively because they can get away with it. Where are the human interest stories? How about something interesting? Even their guest commentators come off as being dull. At least when they have the sports guy read his three minutes I know it's Wednesday. Speaking of which, I have to make a change to my long distance account on Wednesday. Woo hoo. Or something. Also I have to go in on Tuesday but it's for some bullshit rah-rah crap which will eat up two hours of time that would be better spent masturbating, sleeping or playing games on the computer. At least I'm going to be paid for those two hours and I have Friday and next Monday off work. 1/15/01 Due to a lack of interest on my behalf I won't be updating the site for a while. Please consider visiting these sites to entertain yourself. Daily Rotten Leisure Town Jerkcity Linux for Fags AstroAdvice There's not much that I look at on the web and what I do look at really sucks. Offline Time Great joy! I have a great Three Stooges background thanks to Dulcinea of LambdaMOO. Also I found the theme to the Three Stooges in mp3 format which plays when I start up Windows. I rolled around with joy when I restarted my computer and it all started up just right with Moe, Larry and Curly looking at me as the theme played in the background. Life is complete. Work was eh, MCI rolled out new calling plans which actually conform to what people would've expected when signing up for MCI in the first place. There was a plan called 7¢ Anytime except it wasn't 7¢ Anytime Anywhere. Instate rates were significantly higher and people thought their instate calls would remain as cheap as the state to state rates. Lots of calls that I've had to handle from people with international versions of that particular plan and hearing "What do you mean it's cheaper to call Switzerland than it is to call out of my area code?" Christ, make the customer service rep look like a schmuck when it's the fault of MCI and the LECs (local telephone companies) charging higher rates. Now the plans are 7¢ anytime anywhere except internationally less'n you have an international plan and you call Canada a lot then the calls are 7¢ anytime. Now instate rates are 7¢ anytime just like the local toll rates and state to state rates which is supposed to be a Good Thing (tm) because now customers will get what they thought they were getting in the first place. What I can't understand is someone can be a customer of MCI for eight months and not be completely aware of what they're getting charged for long distance. What's funny is when they request credit for the entire time and I inform them I'm only authorized to give out credit for the last 90 days. Sorry Charlie. Of course they get all pissy and threaten with cancellation, lawyers and the FCC. Go ahead, waste your money. I'm not scared because I'm doing my job and your damage is with MCI. In the end you'll realize that you're the idiot for not being more aware of things. Plus I heard some bad news, MCI is no longer offering to pay $25 of one's long distance bill if you are an MCI customer and employee. Bastards. The reasoning is that insurance rates have gone up and they had to cut something somewhere. I have something on the sidelines that could end up being good (despite bad hours) and I'm hoping it pulls through come February at the very latest. Andnow, a dream. Some group was telling me about how they raised boxers to kill and eat. There was one that I fell in love with and I didn't want him to be eaten. They gave him to me after an emotional exchange but it ends up that he had various problems but they'd train him humanely so he would be better behaved. Then there was a part where I was in the Grand Canyon riding on Devo's back while she flew through the air but when she flew she was going up really high then cutting out her engines and falling back to earth. She was flying like Superman. It was a weird feeling and I was getting really irritated with her. Finally she stopped and rested underneath the shadow of a butte and I slept on her thigh until it was time to go to work. Getting to work was like walking through a theater lobby and there was some espionage intrigue until I finally got to my desk. Every time I tried to log into the Rockwell (tracks sales and calls) it would not put me on available though I was taking calls. My transfer percent was very low and I tried to explain why I did those transfers but my sup was a dickhead and wouldn't listen to me. I went back and ended up talking to someone who was a White Wolf werewolf who was calling in because he just has his bill successfully rerated because he called the umbra and it was considered an international call. I told him that MCI considered it a int'l call because we were punishing him for trying to monkeywrench MCI but we were good and rerated it anyway. He was pissed and I told him not to get pissed at me because I'm kinfolk who's given lots of promise to the lupines with the lupines and other kinfolk born so I'm giving lots to the Glasswalker tribe.   Revision for 6/8/02 The previous dream originally had me flying on Makonan's back but that was not true at all. In the dream I was flying on Devo's back. The only reason why I transcribed the dream as being Makonan because she was giving me shit about how she felt she was second class and I figured that was a way to make her feel better. Not that she reads the dreams.   So I've been wondering why hhsb came out to Colorado Springs. The best answer I can get is she came out to see all three of the folks at the Birdhouse. Jaybird's all peopled out. Dunno about maribou. I think the visit was just enough. Last Wednesday I had a really strange call. Some guy phoned in and started off with "My mother died of cancer this morning." I expressed my sympathy and realized that I was gonna be sending out a form letter to him and then his mother's long distance account would be cancelled the very same day. He continued with how his brother was in Florida but his phone was configured not to take collect calls and he needed me to connect him to his brother to which I lied, "I can't make outbound calls." He started asking me questions like what's my full name. I told him "Haakon Royce" since I stated my first name at the beginning of the call. "So where are you located?" "Colorado Springs" "Oh, Denver?" Real brainiac. "No, Colorado Springs." "In Texas?" I never understood why people can't seem to grasp the concept that Colorado Springs is in Colorado. Never thought that there was another Colorado Springs somewhere out in the other forty nine states. "No, Colorado Springs in Colorado." "Ah. Where do you live? I am from Haiti? Have you ever been there?" "Oh yeah, back in 1989 to visit Port Au Prince and pay my respect to Papa Legba and give him rum." "Where in Haiti?" He started shouting something in Creole to someone off the phone and asked me if I had been to a particular place. The best answer I could give about my whereabouts in Haiti at the time was "uptown". I figured that would suffice since this person didn't know dick about the USA. "So where do you live? I want to send you something." That's when I told him to hold on for a second and hung up. If I had someone's address on hand I was going to give that out and have whatever he was going to send sent out to that address. Oh the delightful things of people having their resumes online. Next time, most definitely next time. Also I have that Haitian guy's telephone number written down out in the notebook in my car and he was calling from NYC not Haiti. Continued Not much else happened that was interesting. It was work, hhsb's brief visit and then being a lump the rest of the time. This evening while coming down the stairs I misjudged the stairs and went down two steps instead of one and hit my right ankle wrong on the ground. It shifted to the right then to the left before I fell face forward howling in pain from my ankle. Damn. Ten minutes later after the pain subsided I crawled to my bed and phoned upstairs to see if the Birds had an ace bandage. Five minutes later I called up and told them I didn't need it since the pain was subsiding and the door was locked and deadbolted which would have meant they couldn't have gotten in and I wouldn't have dared trying to get upstairs. Fuck, the first thing I thought was "Fuck you MCI" for denying me benefits in the first place because they were restructuring and needed to budget for the upcoming quarter. Assholes. I felt kinda better after I realized that I had Monday and Tuesday off which would give me time to recoup except I wouldn't be able to use those days to clean up the kitchen or bathroom. I think I'll be able to sign up for medical benefits later at the end of January except it's too little too late. Mind you, MCI's not that scummy. They haven't had mass layoffs, just mass undertime given out generously to the employees but damn there's something seedy going on there what with those 900 numbers dialling out over the phone and charging folk $35.00 a call that they never even remember placing in the first place. MCI doesn't care as long as the owner of the 900 number is able to pay them for the 900 number. Please note that customer service isn't really customer service, it's just another sales opportunity. If the bottom line for customer service wasn't sales then customer service would be much lamer and harder to contact. MCI and MCI's customer service doesn't care about you except for your money. You knew that already because you have two brain cells to rub together. The bottom line is sales, anything else about service of quality is tertiary. Customer service is pretty much a type of telemarketing that people come to rather than having people being harassed by telemarketers at home. Do you want to get good customer service? Make yourself look like a potential sale. Do this by not having local toll service on your MCI long distance account. When reps see the green bar in System One that means they're gonna at least make a tiny sale and you'll have their attention and niceness while they try and butter you up to get a sale. The ankle thing isn't bad enough, my left shoulder's out of whack because I'm too tall for the Birds backseat and I had to sit there with my head tilted so I wouldn't rub my scalp against their car's ceiling. Plus I think I have a trick nerve in my back anyway because I get these back pains every so often and they go away after a week. Just certain things exacerbate the situation. The nice thing is that I know now my back pain isn't from stress like it was back in New Jersey. Lastly maribou thinks I have Tourette's Syndrome because I was particularly colorful when griping about not winning anything at bingo on Saturday night. This spurred Jaybird to start pretending to be Brian by saying "Jesus, Haakon! I'd like to come back here!" Now I'm going to roll over, flip through the borrowed Dungeon Master's Guide and ponder what else is going on in this D&D world. I already figured that the big cataclysm that started an ice age was because the planet's gods decided to use the world as a battleground to settle some scores. I had a cool idea for an alternate universe story where the Mongols rose to power during an ice age and crossed into North America as well as riding westward to Europe to terrorize everyone. Just think of the possibilities where the Europeans come to America and are met by Mongol halfbreeds on horseback ready to kick some serious ass. Maybe I'll just read up on the Mongol empire then go to bed. Good night. P.S. Despite what hhsb thinks and what others are thinking, I did not forsake my diary in a fit of pique in hopes of drawing more attention to myself. I just didn't think I was particularly interesting and didn't have anything interesting to relate to you, gentle reader. Plus forgetting two dreams in a row seriously pissed me off to no end. P.P.S. I went to this site and made up a quiz about myself. 1. What is my favorite movie? B - Fight Club 2. Who is my favorite author? E - H.P. Lovecraft 3. Which gaming system do I prefer? A - HERO 4. Which was never my pet? B - Joy, a great dane/doberman mix 5. My religious leanings can be described as: B - Animist 6. Where was I born? C - Livingston, NJ There were four more questions except they're lost and stuff. Fuck. Plus the thing is buggy and skips a few questions for some reason. If I can remember the other four questions I'll post them here and make up some PHP quiz that'll work better than friendtest.com.

1/22/02 This site broke 8000 hits on the eighteenth of January. Hooray for my balls and my site's balls too! I've changed the yellow into gaming stuff, gaming of all kinds. Slowly but surely I'll implement the color yellow into this site for stuff that's gaming related just like I'll get around to making the previous dates on this site white. Something a bit more ambitious that I have in mind for this site is making it possible for people to come here and configure my diary so they can see everything I write about or to check off certain stuff so they can just skip the text without having to scroll past it. I know there are some people who don't read my dreams and I figure they'd be happy if they were given a choice to skip that bit when I do post it. This Friday when I cash my check I'll head on down to Barnes & Noble and pick up a few programming books on how to do something like that. Make the site more interactive and maybe start a message board instead of using the guestbook as a wimpy comment board. I have a cold, my left shoulder doesn't hurt as much as it did over the weekend and my ankle hurts like a motherfucker. Thankfully maribou, saint that she is, was kind enough to take me to Safeway then Walgreens so I could get an ace bandage, Icy Hot and a bag of Hershey's Kisses. I have tomorrow to rest and heal up and Wednesday will be a whole new day of black women calling in about how they can't read their bills. What I do have to say is that I do get some calls where I'm told I did a great job and I was extraordinarily helpful which does help my mood but damn everyone's so damned pissy every time they phone into MCI. On Sunday night I ran across Brian and Tim on MSN Messenger and talked with them for quite a while about everything and it was a happy thing to catch up with them though I was a bit disappointed that the time flew by so quickly. Early Sunday evening I was doing nothing and time was crawling by but when Makonan logged in we started talking and everything which is happy but she logged out for the night and I noticed it was nearly 10:30. Yikes, then I checked MSN because I was bored and figured no one would be on but there they were much to my happiness. Once again today was a complete washout and I'll think of something to post about tomorrow. Maybe bore you folks with my D&D campaign world. 1/23/02 I was awakened by a call from NYC, of all people, and it started out with "Hey Haakon, how are you doing? We're finding ourselves in a situation with lots of things going on and we had to go in a different direction." I told them, "I wish you the best of luck and goodbye" then hung up. What's annoying is that when I answered the phone I was hoping upon hope that it would be something else. No, not a chick or my father. I had a bit of entertainment later where I got up to take care of toilet business and after two steps I howled out in pain. No, not because of my ankle which is doing okay thankyouverymuch. Whatever was inside me was itchin' to escape in the most urgent way so I hopped into the bathroom and let nature take its course. Fucking hell, that was bizarre. Well hooray, since nothing else has happened today (it's 11:15 MST and I've been up for 45 minutes) I'm going to share the D&D world I've been working on for the past couple of weeks. This planet's been under the grip of an ice age for the past couple of millennia. Most elves have died out, dwarves have become more of a legend than an actual being since they went underground and stayed there waiting out the storm. Humans, halflings and orcs have braved the snow and ice with varying degrees of success, orcs thriving in their element while humans and halflings barely get by on hunting and gathering lifestyles. The whole story begins with the first true summer in quite some time, for the past thousand years summer has been more like a short spring and with the return of warmth has stirred the dwarves from their underground cities to return to the surface and retake what once belonged to them. Magic is pretty scarce, underground magic users are heavily regulated by the dwarves but above ground they're looked upon as a novelty. A powerful novelty at that. Most religions have fallen back to nature religions with druids being the primary clerics of the world, other clerics are dwarves who worship the dwarven god who brought the ice age upon the land because humans, elves and the rest had become lazy with magic and needed to be taught a lesson in hard labor. Humans, elves, halflings and halfbreeds are the primary character races though there are a few dwarves who were kicked out of the underground for transgressions and might find their way to the now primitve settlements that dot the two northern continents. Orcs are akin to the Mongols and dwarves have achieved a society much like ancient Rome had it entered the renaissance. There are rumors of other cities and countries to the south but most who have gone to see them have not returned home. Conventional wisdom on the fact they haven't returned is that it's much warmer down there and they'd be fools to return to the northern wastes. The highest non-orc/dwarf technology level is agricultural with the forging of bronze weapons. Most magical animals have died out or simply vanished, others simply adapted with the "normal" animals evolving into dire beasts to survive the winters and the magical & aberrations have simply taken advantage of the increase of habitat. Later on in the afternoon I helped Makonan with HTML and introduced her to tables. Never got around to explaining the background element which allows one to put an image in the background or even start to touch upon cascading style sheets. That was a happy thing. On Monday when maribou was helping me get around to get stuff to take care of my ankle she said she wanted to go to the library to have fun and that was the coolest thing I ever heard. Mind you I'm around people who say they don't read and who look over my shoulder and ask, "Where are the pictures?" I once ran across someone online who said they didn't read and I ran away from them as quickly as I could because I instinctively knew they were a lower caliber of human being. Intellectualist? Is that a word? Does it mean what I intend it to mean of "disdaining people who aren't as smart as me"? Finally I came across Devo online and we played a few rounds of Yahtzee and she went to get dinner after we talked for a brief bit. I felt strange and I have been feeling strange lately and I don't know why I have been feeling odd in regards to my emotions. Regardless, or irregardless to irritate maribou, I still feel strange and I wish I could understand what's going on inside of me. I think the biggest question I have is do I click with anyone? Do I click with Deidre? No idea since I've been keeping myself guarded around her lately and keeping whatever feelings I do have for her tucked away because Devo and/or her friends might think I'm some freak who's going to propose in the next breath. Do I click with Makonan? Kylie? Jaybird? maribou? Does it fucking matter? Whatever. Time to shower and bedtime. 1/24/02 Dear Job Agency Why the fuck did you contact me in the first place if you don't have any positions open? The fucking people at the company sent you my resume, someone at the fucking company recommended me, why the fuck did you clutter up my fucking voicemail you dipshit whore? Don't fucking yank my god damned chain. I want out of this shit job and I'll take anything that makes at least two bucks more and has me tucked away from the public because I don't want to interact with fucking idiot human beings who begin every call with "I have a question about my bill." Color me fucking shocked. "My local company said to contact you and cancel my MCI account." Well here's what you gotta do, sign up with another company, we'll be notified and cancel your account and send out one last bill if applicable. If we cancel your account beforehand you'll find yourself with higher rates and surcharges sincewe don't switch your calls onto our network. The local company provides that service "Duh, they told me to call." "Hey, I have them on the other line. They tell me to tell you to fuck your daughter and suck off your cat. It's very important to MCI that you swallow kitty's load." Hey job bitch, I'm sure you put up with lots of people who want to get work. Real hard. "I found you work." followed by "Oh boy, aghalughg!!!" Rancid fucking whorebag. Love Haakon Dear Charles Ng, I have someone for you to visit. Pls find cake with file inside. Love, Blackbriar P.S. Send me h0t phootz 4 me 2 spackel >;-)-~~~ P.P.S. redhed fanfix cumming ur wae !!! Today wasn't that bad though I only made four sales. Six sales are expected of me. Seven at the very most. What helped me get through the day without feeling like it was a total wash was getting a big gay balloon with helium, twenty bucks and recognized for having a quality call where I read all the required follow throughs. Other than that, I watched Enterprise with the Birds as quietly as I could but I needed to let off steam after dealing with the job agency and the ensuing letdown but maribou kept going "I'm trying to watch" and jostling me. Hurr. At least this week's paycheck will have 95 bucks more than I would've had because I did well in my first month at MCI. This month's turning out to be horrible rape of the face. Not entirely horrible but bleh. What's worse is that I was supposed to be home today and I went in because I thought it was next week. I'm going to ask my sup if I can get Monday considering the fact I stayed at work. 1/25/01 Er, I thought I was way ahead of myself but I was still on schedule. I apologize for not uploading because of my confusion. Here's a lovely ASCII photo of me. ::i, MMZ .,iiiiiiiii:0M 7 . SM. i8WM; ,i:i;rr7SX.MX7 . M, .Xi iM@i,,,::i77X;rM:7 .. M: ,7aMWZ7;ri, .;;i7MMMM WM8 . ,ZMM2 7aBWSi,,WMMMX SMW .,...,: .MMBaWMMrMM8 rMZ; .,,, aBZMMMZBZM, M@WZi i:;7Z, Sa:rSX; ZMMMMMM M8M0a,:0X Z iZ . MM0SX2SB MW8ZBX;M82BM8MMW2,:ii2MM8WWW8B MBWMM@MB,2W0XZB77X;:rM2MMMMMMM MWMMMMZ: .2MMBMS:iBM X0MMW MMW@@W7:7Z8ai:.ZM20MMB : . 7 WM@BMM88SaaSr7SMMMMMM iX8Xr;i WMMr;MMMWBZ2aWWMMMMMM .8MaXr BMMMX 0MMMMMMMMMMMMMMr ., ,SB8 WMMMMX::aSBMMMMMMMMMM2i.:.:. : WMMMMMW08BMMMMMMMMMMM70a2..,,i BMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMSXS2aXi,i WMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM@MM.;72ZWMM WMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMBMMWWMM8r:rSa0 WMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM0MWMMB@MMMMMMM WMMMMMMMMMMMMMM@0@@MMMMW@MM@BB @M@MMMMMMMMMMMMMW0BMMMMMMW828@ MMMMMMMMMMMMMM@@MZWMMMWB8BWMMW MMMMMMMMMMMMMMM;@MWZM@@@WB08Z@ @MMMMMMM@MMMMMM8:MMBW@@WWBB@MM Something's been bugging me lately whenever I'm at MCI. It's all the miscegenation that I see going on the premises. What makes these people enter shallow interracial relationships? It's plainly obvious they're together for the shock value or just to try everything that they possibly can try in life. Good for them but most times it makes me ill. Okay, there really isn't that much of a shock value but there is for me because I'm out here where other ethnic groups are akin to faerie folk lurking in closets ready to spirit people away to the mystical otherworldly realm called "the ghetto". Maybe there's something in the water that my Brita can't filter out which makes this kind of socialization repugnant to me. Back in New Jersey I really didn't feel that way but most people stuck with their own kind despite the fact that my area of the northeast was a "wonderful ethnic mosaic" or some other claptrap. Mind you, this kind of fraternization really doesn't bug me as much as the gang members all around MCI. I most sincerely hope they all get on the business end of law enforcement or some spurious gang war that leaves them riddled with bullets. 1/26/01 For whatever reason I was moving across Colorado Springs to a new place and to mark the happy occasion I decided that I was going to be driving across country once again from Colorado Springs to Colorado Springs. Brian and hhsb were going to help me with hhsb driving the lightly packed truck. The trip across America wasn't a feature, it just happened in passing, and we arrived in Colorado Springs with hhsb parking the truck in a garage and declaring that she was going to be living out of the truck. Brian and I parked and helped unpack the truck in the garage carrying things up and down this stairwell painted institutional green for no real reason. Once we were done and the truck was empty so hhsb could live in the truck we decided to go out to the movies. While walking to the theater I came across someone who I knew in dreams but never in real life and we walked the rest of the way down to the theater holding hands. The theater was pretty cool because all the seats were like Star Trek dentist chairs all black and red plastic too. That night's feature was some story about a guy who was in bed with his wife, who resembled Kinja, being berated for going to an orgy where his wife was sucking off four cocks at one time but when she finally came to bed and fell asleep he came upstairs with a girl and fucked her on the bed right beside his wife. He explained that he was stoned out of his mind and the wife was seriously pissed for some reason. No clue. Bitch sucks four cocks and has all four holes filled in one night but her husband comes upstairs and has a piece of tail that's a breach of their vows? The wife got up and took off her green nightgown to become a knife wielding maniac. The husband was already on the other side of the room wearing a bright orange party top hat (the kind you get at new year's parties) which made him transparent. He giggled and left out the window into some Victorian airship contraption. His wife felt sad and ran after him into the contraption feeling bad that he was going to leave her and they flew between the stars to live happily ever after. After the movie ended we went back to hhsb's garage where I came across my MCI trainer who was already loading the truck for the final leg of the trip into Colorado Springs. Brian and hhsb helped while I sneaked out with the girl I only know in this setting. She was awfully familiar with me as we walked across Acacia Park, we threw big stones down into this underground restaurant because we knew it sucked then she said she needed to go take a shower. We went back to her apartment where she showered and I watched TV. TV watching was different since I was watching myself in third person behind the television watching the flashing aquarium light play across my face. The girl came out of the shower in a black robe and curled up beside me like a cat, when I put my hand on her side she started to get very angry with me but that passed and she curled up once again. "I want to do something very asexual to you" I said because I smelled her hair and it smelled really good. An indescribable scent that was like citrus and wildflowers and something else but nothing mammalian or animal. "I want to smell you all over" and my only intent was to smell her all over so she consented, opened her robe and lay down across her couch that she recovered from the curb a few months ago. I sniffed her hair thoroughly, her face and throat, behind the ears, along the shoulders and down each arm (which drew her ire because she said my big forehead was pressing into her arm and cutting off circulation so i better stop) until she rolled on her back where I had a field day sniffing her shoulderblades and the depression which has her spine underneath her skin. Feeling bad, I decided to continually work my way towards her ass where I loudly pressed my nose between her cheeks (about three inches from the business area). By this time I was pretty happy in my dream, things changed and I was walking in the door back in New Jersey. In the old computer room the desk was empty except for a bunch of old Dominos boxes which I started picking at and tearing up in my idle time until my mother came home. My mom started bitching at me something fierce about me making a mess of crumbs and paper on the desk. I told her that she was a fucking bitch and she snapped, "If I want your opinion, I'll know it." A heated argument ensued where I badgered her into finding out what her damage was in the first place and said something along the lines of "You once called me an angel but I am a devil" to which she snapped something about me being a demon. Provoked, I picked up a folding chair and proceeded to beat the life out of my mother in that clear kind of rage where I know what's going on but the body's acting on its own with no command from my consciousness. The dream ended when I picked her up and bodyslammed her on the ground. Past few days I've been sick, headcold mostly but at work on Thursday my voice started going to shit because I had to raise my voice at a customer who just would not fucking listen. What was worse is that the customer wouldn't listen and I was just trying to give him credit. Um, you're getting money back. A decent amount too. What's the fucking problem? After that my voice was shot to shit and as Jaybird said I sounded like someone who smoked two packs a day. I'm going to keep my talking to a minimum so I can get into work on Monday without thinking I am going to screw up my voice again. My ankle still hurts and I notice it when I try to scratch one foot with another foot, the sides of my ankle are still sore even though I can walk with little discomfort despite affecting a limp to avoid exascerbating the injury. When I was coming downstairs after work on Thursday I thought to myself, "Christ, I wish there was someone here I was coming home to so they could rub my back." because my back was hurting like a motherfucker, work had me all tired and I felt like shit. Oh well. Anyway it seems that I've gotten ahead of myself in regards to writing diary entries. hhsb was going to write a "screed" against breeders which would've been printed here except she ran out of energy and couldn't get it to me. I told her that she just had to email it to me and I'd upload it with the next entry, no problem. When I went out to get my check from MCI, I was stopped by the postman who told me he had a big ol' box for me. First I thought "What the fuck did my father send now?" because all the boxes are making my apartment look like I'm unpacking and the boxes are making baby boxes until the entire basement is filled with cardboard. Brian. That fucker. He sent me a brand new VCR along with a tape and a small package for the Birds.   Stupid people. People always will be stupid. In the future when we reach a certain point where we can accept our level of stupidity and act intelligently in that state then we will look at other countries which are considered backward going through the same growing pains we did and look upon them with disdain for not being smart enough to follow our example. 1/27/02 I am not a neat person. I have always associated cleaning things up with impending punishment, whether what needs to be cleaned is my room or myself. Cleaning up has always had a stigma to it because of the holidays. "We have to clean up, company's coming over!" Thing is that the place isn't that much of a mess in the first place, secondly considering who company was most of the time (family) I'm sure they wouldn't care if the place wasn't perfect. Oh no, the maid's coming to clean the house. Better pick everything up and vacuum. Er, what's the point of having someone come over and clean in the first place? Why not just save money and set aside a certain day where everyone cleans part of the house? The folks are coming home, clean the place up and it better be precisely as it was when they left because absolutely nothing was disturbed in the first place and shouldn't have been touched in the first place. I can't fucking stand it. Especially when I'd get that false euphoria after cleaning my bedroom like I actually accomplished something when the only thing I accomplished was avoiding someone's wrath. For about two weeks after that I would be extraordinarily anal retentive about upkeep as if somehow I could get myself to keep the place clean and get into the habit because cleaning is a Good Thing tm. When it comes to people who I see as being neatniks I view them as being pathological about it, unhealthy and completely anal retentive with no chance of passing go or collecting two hundred dollars. That's one of the reasons why I made sure that hhsb didn't come near my apartment although she made no intimations of "Oh, let me see your apartment!" which I dreaded considering her attitude towards neatness. Sure if someone else came around I really wouldn't care though in the back of my mind I would be stressing about judgement. I have to break this habit or learn how to live with it and not stress about it in the first place.   I am very entertained by the fact that minorities now seem to be going out of their way to segregate themselves from the society that they fought so hard to become integrated with in the first place. Here's a lovely example from our friends, the negroes. We pledge allegiance of the red, black and green Our flag, the symbol of our eternal struggle, and to the land we must obtain. One nation of Black people, with one God for us all, Totally united in the struggle for Black Love, Black Freedom, and Black determination. They already have their nation, a whole fucking continent in fact. Go back there and get your candy-assed civilized asses wrecked by Muslims and savages with vultures pecking your white bones. Anyway this shit sounds a whole lot like some Aryan creed but you see it's alright because this is for B*L*A*C*K people!!! Black people do not have a capacity for evil like, say, Germans or white people. The nice thing is that this appears to be a minority of a minority so they're a bunch of kooks who should be rendered into soap. Spent most of Saturday watching Giant Robo which I received in the mail in addition to a brand new VCR from Brian and everyone else at the Tuesday game. The VCR is very cool but I'm sure to most of the people who come here would not be impressed since this technology is probably a few years old. The clock set itself! That was so fucking cool! Also the tracking fixed itself. Okay so the really neat thing was that the VCR set its own time and it was right! Back to Giant Robo. Giant Robo is the reason why I love anime. The character fights are overblown along with the character concepts plus the story is huge and absorbing. 1/28/02 It's funny, I took this test to see which character I am from Fight Club. Turns out that if I say I dress outrageously then I'm Tyler Durden. If I don't dress outrageously then I'm Angel Face. The following is stolen from Makonan's diary. i hurt: physically i love: people who don't love me i hate: mci i cry: rarely nowadays i fear: being broke i hope: someone will love me the way i love them i sadden: most of the time i feel alone: right now i kill: nothing i talk: about stupid things i listen: to the people i love i break: my upper right wisdom tooth i see: no future i smell: the shirt malyss mended for me and an empty wendy's bag i taste: the funk in my mouth i work: so i can do things for myself i remember: everything i hold: no one because no one wants to be held by me because that'd make me some evil possessive mono person i hide: in my apartment i pray: when it's dark and i'm alone i walk: a lot i drive: to work and the supermarket i read: fiction I don't have much more to write about except I am happy that I have Tuesday off (as usual). 1/29/02 For the past couple of months when things have been quiet I've been bothered by trying to remember what exactly happened to the black gerbils which lived in my basement. It all started in 11th grade when I took advanced biology and learned that I would be able to take home gerbils as pets. Oh boy! Unfortunately I didn't pick a lesbian pair and they were fruitful and multiplied much to my chagrin. Worst thing was when they escaped and would run around the room. I think at one time I had twenty five gerbils. Soon most of the gerbils died out except for a few black gerbils which hung around still and I moved their aquarium into the basement. I remember going into the basement to check on them but I don't recall the gerbils ever leaving the basement whether by escape or death. What happened to them? Over and over I try and remember what might've happened to them. It's like one day they up and vanished but I didn't even notice or care. What the fuck? I know I buried each and every gerbil in the backyard with a little tombstone and everything but when it comes to the last black gerbils I draw a complete blank. I seriously doubt that my parents did something to them nor do I remember or think I would've let them free into the woods. So I think I've figured out the theology of my game world which is kinda important because it's part of the whole motivation for the events in the past and what the future might bring to this place. The god of the dwarves looked upon the peoples of the earth and saw them as mere pets of his fellow gods rather than actual individuals. The peoples were paid off in power, magic, and steadily grew lazy relying upon this power. The god of the dwarves incited a war in the outer planes which eventually brought itself to the world for the final battle. The god of the orcs was struck so fiercely by an unnamed attacker that he was split into six thousand pieces and each of them were among the first orcs, the orcs claim this divine nature and say they are a continuation of their god. The other gods fought viciously among each other at the prodding of the dwarven god who always proved himself to be honest and truthful. When the final blow was struck which did in the rest of the divine beings, the dwarven god buried himself under the mountains so he could live through it. The dwarves hold certain rocks which contain frogs as sacred to their god. A small place bottomside is a small salty spring which is fed by the tears of their god out of shame for what he did. The dwarves read his actions as seeing the topsiders as lazy and needing to be taught the true nature of work by testing them in the harsh ice age which came about. The final blow was struck to the far west where a place of power still stands. For miles it's surrounded by wastes of dust and ash, buried beneath the sands are various people turned to stone in the final blow and everything beyond that is petrified. The outer planes are falling apart, the natures which divided them (law, chaos, neutrality, good evil) weakening without figures of power to maintain them and eventually merging into a mush. Best description is of people in heaven and hell freely mingling among each other. The inner elemental planes are stronger than ever, nature is the dominant religion with most primal clerics worshipping the various elements. Also the inner planes are cutting off the outer influences from the prime material plane (the planet, a.k.a. the real world) which is making magic so rare. The only living gods are the god of the dwarves, the orcish god (more of an avatar) and a minor god of magic who is only revered along the southern coast where elves still live in groups greater than ten. Bored yet? I just feel good having written that down before it sets in my head for a few more days and I completely rewrite it or create something which works but forces me to start all over again from the ground up. Anyway Monday night was spent talking with Makonan and hearing her misgivings over a particular entry I wrote on this site. Mostly I was worried she would get all Wellsie on me and start pulling "Dude, I thought you were cool, dude" stuff leaving me wondering "I've always been like this. Why is it such a surprise to you now?" That's one thing that I wonder about a lot knowing that certain people are close with Wellsie because I'm always paranoid that eventually, for some reason, shit will come down to choosing up sides and no one will choose my side. 4:43 a.m. FUCKING COLD GO AWAY NOW I AM FUCKING TIRED OF WAKING UP WITH A DRY MOUTH LIKE A CORPSE BECAUSE I HAVE TO SLEEP WITH MY MOUTH OPEN TO BREATHE SINCE MY HEAD IS FILLED WITH CEMENT 1/30/02 I can't really say that I had a nightmare last night because the dream was more taxing than it was frightening plus in my dream there seemed to be a mental narrator there who was telling me "this is how things will be". Everything began when Devo came to my place in New Jersey on her own around the 4th of July and she immediately got hijacked by my father and sister who drove off with her to show her their preparations and contributions to the celebration. Devo said she would be back but I didn't see her except at a distance through most of the dream. I wandered through the maze of the New Jersey house and left through the backyard to try and catch up with them because I wanted to feel included with whatever they were doing. Plus I was hoping that Devo had come to see me and just me and maybe she was like "Erm, shouldn't we go back?" Soon enough it was dusk and I was in New York City going towards the Central Park Zoo because I thought I might as well do something for myself. When I walked in I was tripped by Sunny (beloved dog from my youth, lab mix) and laid on the ground for about a half hour. A bunch of rough looking people came in led by a black girl with blue eyes which gave the impression that she didn't have any pupils, she stared at me and decided I wasn't interesting. I got up and took Sunny's leash then walked over to the seals. One of the seals was washing his face with a sea sponge from his enclosure's tank. One thing I did was run out of the enclosure, yell "Hey look here!" and lead some folks back and pretend that the seals were having a tea party just a few minutes ago along with implying "Isn't it funny that they're that clever?" The polar bear area was one of the more depressing areas because Sunny wanted to go play with the polar bear putting his paw on the plexiglas. I wanted to put my hand over the plexiglas and pet the polar bear on the head but the polar bear never came near. All around me were the rough looking people and Devo was with them. Devo was sitting on the ground and complaining about how cold she was so I took off my leather jacket and put it over her shoulders knowing it'd already be warm from being worn all day. "Wow, thanks. My friend also gave me his jacket too." I sighed and went to take the jacket away and she started ripping into me about having low self-esteem and how she wasn't going to give back my jacket. Devo stood up and walked over to the rough looking people who started laughing at me along with her. When I turned around Sunny was barking at the polar bear and doing the doggy pee-pee dance of "Oh dear I really want to do this RIGHT NOW!" Once I left the platform by the polar bear enclosure I looked down over the edge of the wall to the streets below which were a jumble of school busses and cars. Night was falling over the city. I was wearing the shirt that Malyss mended for me but it was really sliced up for some reason and that made my mood spiral downward even more. Today was spent working on my site, I highlighted RPG stuff yellow along with making the headers for dates and times in white and dark yellow on older stuff which didn't get altered when I did my last site revamp. For some reason having CLASS="game" didn't work but using CLASS="poke" works in my stylesheet. Last time I've noticed something odd like this was when I was trying to do CLASS="fourth" for blue text contributed or written by other people. CLASS="four" ended up working. I also listened to two mp3s of an interview with Igor from VoyeurWeb. I was surprised to hear that he had a thick eastern European accent. Unfortunately the interview wasn't that interesting with the fucking DJs talking over Igor all the time and trying to take the spotlight. 5:38 p.m. Right now I'm not liking Colorado Springs because something about it is hitting me wrong. First I see all the signs for missing animals around here followed by actually watching TV lately and every time I turn on the news it's some story about animals being abused like the little boston terrier who had his head bashed in and this kitty who was set on fire. Either it's synchronicity with me turning on the TV or seeing the various flyers or there's something wrong. 1/31/02 Wednesday I signed up for benefits and they came out to be twenty three dollars (rounding up). All day at work I had this strange sort of calm feeling where nothing seemed to bother me. The only time where I felt any intense emotion was towards the end of the day where I was answering phones like someone from Transylvania and continuing the accent through the night. The first call I took as a vampire ended up going to a supervisor which was interesting, I was talking with the guy as a vampire but when I spoke with the supervisor I spoke to him as an inbred hick and then switched back to the other voice when speaking with the customer. The supervisor could hear everything but nothing was mentioned and I doubt I'll get fired for using a crazy accent. It's snowy and icy and Jaybird warned me against driving tomorrow if things get worse. Also I checked my bills and as usual the Qwest bill is complete shit. My rent wasn't that bad but I'll have to keep things tight since the utilities are more expensive during the months of January, February and March. Maybe things will warm up and utilities won't be that bad. Good night.